How to Keep Your Girlfriend Happy

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Last Updated: June 24, 2022

It's one thing to get a girl to go out with you long-term, but it's another thing altogether to keep her happy. Sometimes, you may have a hard time figuring out what she wants, or you may get lazy and forget to show her that you love her. Although relationships do take work, you'll find that the rewards are worth it. Follow the tips in this article to keep your girlfriend happy.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed relationship therapist, Alysha Jeney, owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the co-founder of The Modern Love Box. Check out the full interview here.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Make Her Feel Special

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Treat her like a princess. Open doors for her, offer her your jacket, pull her chair out for her and stand up when she enters the room. She'll love these little gestures. When you take her on dates, never make her pay or split the bill. Girls love it when a guy takes care of the dinner bill like it's no big deal. But don't force her to be helped if she doesn't like it.
2
Compliment her. Tell her she is beautiful, especially when she least expects it. Girls can spend a lot of effort trying to look nice, and it will make her happy that you noticed.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- Make your compliments meaningful and truthful. Instead of "Your hair is pretty," try "I really like the way you did your hair tonight! It looks so soft and beautiful." Use different expressions, that show that you are thoughtful.
- Don't be ashamed to compliment her or show her affection in front of others. Real men aren't ashamed to show the world they've found a good woman, and your girl will love you for that. People talk publicly about the things they value. She will instantly feel like a priority if you are confident enough to show the world how you feel about her. Hold her hand in the mall or throw your arm around her at the movies, whenever she feels comfortable with it. Make a hint or ask her if you have doubts.
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3
Pay attention to her. After you've been together for a while, you can easily fall into a pattern of forgetting to make her feel special. Some guys also deliberately ignore their girlfriends as a way of getting back at them or as a way of punishing them.^{[2]
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- Let her know you're thinking about her. For example, send her a text when you're thinking about her. Just be sure not to text anything you might not want her friends or family to read. Try texting her "good morning" with a short encouragement as often as possible. A girl loves to know she's the first thing on her boyfriend's mind when he starts his day.
- Never ignore her as a way of being manipulative. You'll hurt her immensely, and if you ignore her often enough, she may dump you. Don't leave her waiting for you to call or talk to her. If you're having a problem, speak up. After an argument, wait for some hours or a day to cool down the heated emotions, that the longing for one another is stronger than the anger, and there is a good chance to make it up. Be ready to ask for forgiveness even if you feel she should do it first, but keep your own integrity too. In an argument, both sides usually cause hurt, and each one has the right to have feelings. If you wait many days, she can feel dumped and cut off her emotions.
4
Be spontaneous. Surprise her with flowers or notes, if she likes such things. Whisk her away for an unplanned romantic dinner, day or weekend.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- Take her somewhere new. Many girls will get bored if you take them to the same place time after time (unless it's a special place for the both of you) so mix it up a little. You should enjoy the variety of new places with her because you'll create new conversation topics and memories together.^{[4]
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- Make sure you plan anything on a free night/day/weekend when you know she has things to do. Ask her about her schedule in a casual way so that she doesn't know you're planning something.
- If you can, surprise her with a love song or a short poem. Or if you find one that really talks about your feelings, send it or a link to it for her to share.
5
Return her calls and texts. Unless she specifies that you don't need to call her back, you need to be responsive when your girlfriend calls you. Let her know she's on your mind even though you are not with her in person. Girls can get insecure when ignored. A confident girl is a happy girl, and a happy girl is good to her boyfriend.
6
Surprise her with gifts. Even a small gift, like her favorite candy bar, goes a long way. Listen when she tells you about things she wants, and surprise her from time to time by getting her something special. But don't try to "buy her" with luxury.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}
- Don't buy gifts at the last minute. Invest some time, and put some thought into it. What does she like? Music? Scarves? Delicate bracelets? A special perfume? Does she have any collections? Does she have a wish list somewhere you can buy from? Has she mentioned wanting anything lately? Perhaps you could ask your mom or her best friend for advice. Remembering what she appreciates is more important than the price tag.
- Never forget important holidays or anniversaries that matter to both of you. Listen to hints she may be dropping about what she wants. Thoughtful gifts will show her you care. Bring her to the mall and pay attention to what she points out.
- Get her something she can wear every day to remind her how much you care about her. A locket with a picture of you inside can be an awesome idea.
- If she gets you a gift for a holiday and you don't get her one in return, she's probably going to be bummed (even if she doesn't admit it). If this has happened in the past, make sure it doesn't happen again, and make up for doing it with a few surprise gifts.
- A gift can reflect how you regard her, and how much you appreciate her. That you are ready to make sacrifices for her. Also a very personal touch is often appreciated, like if you make a custom design item, doing it yourself if you are talented.
- Avoid repeating gifts, unless it has a special significance, like on a day of remembrance. Also, if she finds out that you gave the same thing to another girlfriend, she can dislike the gift.
7
Make her laugh. Use humor in a natural way. You don't have to tell corny jokes at every opportunity unless she likes that sort of thing. Know what kind of humor she likes. When she's upset, try to cheer her up with some humor. If she laughs at something, try to understand and share the laughter. Show that you like her jokes and funny remarks.
8
Respect her. Remember that your girlfriend is not your "property." Be mindful of her opinions and desires, even if they differ from your own. Don't make her feel stupid just because she doesn't agree with you about everything. Being with a copy of oneself is very boring, and minor disagreements give better perspective on things in life. One may win a discussion but lose her affection instead.^{[6]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Be Someone She Can Trust

1
Keep your promises and be responsible
- Be punctual, maximum 10 minutes late ever, and make it a priority to keep your word to her and also to other people. A woman that sees that her man cannot keep his word, regards him not safe enough for a serious relationship. If you are hindered to keep a promise, warn about it in time, and make up for it afterwards, so she sees that you are a trustworthy man. A broken promise is often seen as the same as a lie. Asking for forgiveness is better than a lame blaming of circumstances. With time she will feel your real priorities.
- Show responsibility with studies, work and money. That signals that you possibly also could take responsibility for a family in the future. An irresponsible man can easily be seen as ridiculous and not a stable partner.
2
Be sensitive when you talk about female friends. If you have female friends that you would like your girlfriend to befriend or if you want her to trust you in your friendships with other women, never compliment your female friends' physical attributes.
- If you have something positive to say about a female friend, say something about her personality, as in, that she is warm, friendly or creative. Or when it is really obvious: smart, famous, sporty etc. Whatever you do, don't lead in with, "My friend is coming to town and I really want you to meet her. You'll really like her. She's gorgeous! All of my friends can't keep their eyes off her - when she's around, conversation stops because all the guys just keep staring at her!"
- Understand that your girlfriend may be suspicious of your female friends at first. Always uplift your girlfriend so that knows that she is the only one in the world that you have eyes for. Your friendships with your female friends will be accepted much more smoothly if you follow this step. Avoid much contact with female friends that have no stable relationship, but possibly mention that she could be a good partner to someone else. Talk about the female friend mentioning her boyfriend/husband too.
3
Tell the truth about important issues but know when little white lies are appropriate. Major lies will drive a wedge of suspicion and mistrust between you and your girlfriend that you may never be able to fix. You may throw away a whole relationship with just one act of mistrust.
- Show her you're trustworthy by your actions. Conversations you have with other women should never border the line of being flirtatious or intimate. She needs to know that she can trust you in speech and conduct even in the little things. If you have a hard time with this one, maybe you aren't ready for a relationship and should instead question why you feel the need to flirt with other women in the first place. Regard other women as humans only, not potential partners.
- When you are in a relationship, never tell her that another woman is prettier than she is. If she asks you whether another girl is more attractive than she is, then your default answer should always be a resounding "NO!"
- Never talk about how you find some celebrity really gorgeous. Doing this will only make her feel bad about herself, and she will resent you for it. When you do feel the need to comment on the beauty of someone like Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson, always remind your girlfriend that, in your eyes, she is more attractive.
4
Confide in her. Open up to her in a way that you don't do for most people. When you show her that you trust her, she's more likely to trust you back. Keep her secrets when she does the same for you. You can show your girlfriend a side of you that you don't normally share with your buddies. Don't tell others about private things that could upset her if she would find out about it - protect her dignity.
5
Have good online and phone etiquette. When you’re in a relationship, make sure that you say so on your Facebook account. Be proud of her so that she'll feel confident in you. Show before your family and good friends that you are serious about her, that she will not fear that you might be seeing other girls.
- If someone hits on you online, tell your girlfriend right away. If you keep a secret from her, and if she is already insecure, then hiding your secret will make her insecurity worse.
- Avoid communicating with other girls over e-mail, text or social networks without letting your girlfriend know what you're doing. If you're flirting with someone else via text message and your girlfriend discovers your texts, then she's going to be furious. Invite her to take an immediate look at your mailbox if she has doubts. You must make sure even for yourself that you have chosen her, leaving all others girls aside, or she will probably feel it.
6
Defend her in front of other people. If someone is teasing her, take her side. Girls need to know that their men have their backs at all times, it is an age-old need. How would you feel if she took her friends' or your friends' side over yours? Let her know she can depend on you to stick up for her. In the long run, it is often the man needing the most support in life, so it is wise to show your readiness to "take any bullet for her". A man's bright career is easily ruined if his woman doesn't support him.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Be Willing To Compromise

1
Make an effort to get along with her friends and family. If her friends and family don't like you, then they may eventually convince her that you're not good for her. Always act like a gentleman around her friends and family so that they'll encourage her to keep going out with you. You may not like them as much as she does, but you should make an effort to be nice because you care about her. Remember the names and some details about people important to her.
2
Balance your time spent with friends and with her. Never make her feel like you'd rather be with your friends than be with her. At the same time, you need to have friendships with other people besides your girlfriend. Show that you have happiness and a social life also not all depending on her, that you are strong enough to be her support. Just make sure you strike a balance.
3
Don't take her for granted. Keep in mind that she could leave you, so you'd better work hard at keeping her happy so that you can keep her as your girlfriend. Make sure that she feels that she loses something great, if she would lose you. If you want to keep her, it's time to start treating her like a gentleman should. Don't expect a great girl to be available again…^{[7]
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- Don't put your hobbies, video games, YouTube, music or other things you like before her. Never listen to music with headphones on when she's sitting there next to you, even if one earbud is out. If you have a duty of work or studies that disturbs, explain why and for how long.
- When she goes on a date with you, she doesn't go there so that you can play games on your iPhone and text your buddies. If you do things like that, she'll think you're rude and that you don't want to spend time with her, as any other person would think. After all, you can do that stuff as much as you'd like when she's not around. If she thinks you spend much time with less serious things, she can assume that you will not work hard for a good income later, but be a financial burden to her instead.
4
Give each other space. Don't smother your girlfriend. You want her to be excited each time she sees or hears from you. If you smother her, she may become overwhelmed, which could ruin a good relationship. There is time for everything, and if one feels that time for studies, work, hobbies or sleep is wasted for little things, it can become a reason of strain instead of joy. Help each other to be efficient, to spend relaxed quality time together whenever possible.^{[8]
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5
Be willing to change. If she mentions something you do that bothers her, change your behavior gladly.
- Girls will only take so much hurt in a relationship. If you are constantly hurting her, then you're going to lose her. Some girls can and will take some low blows from their boyfriends, but in time, she will realize that she can find someone who will treat her like she wants to be treated. Also, if you hurt her badly, she will tell her friends about it.
- You shouldn't change who you are, but when it comes to minor issues, relationships require compromise from both ends. She should be willing to do the same for you. Both should be equally content at the end of the day, but sometimes you must take the first step. If it feels one-sided and one doesn't feel happy at the end, then there is no base for a relationship.
6
Be sensitive to your girlfriend/date.
- A woman may feel belittled if the man does too much, and doesn't give her the space to be in the leading position at times, like paying for a meal, or helping the man. Some women will feel humiliated if they cannot invite at every second or third date, especially in cultures with improved gender equality. If they have an income, they also may want to show ability not to be a free rider, needing a man for their own welfare. It should all be about love, not mere benefits. Balance in all, with certain mutuality, gives chances for a healthy relationship. Attention to the other's emotions is more important than rigid gender roles.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Understand her needs

1
Don't be predictable or treat your girl as predictable, but read her emotions and make nice surprises.
- Each person has a unique set of love languages, things that can touch their heart that they feel loved and cherished, while other expressions perhaps don't excite at all. The most common are probably: kind affirming words (not pure flattering), time priority, actions of service, gifts, physical touch, really understanding the other, remembering details once told, and showing no regard to obvious faults. E.g. a flower can for a lady mean as much as a home-cooked meal means to a typical man, and as little vice versa. Explain your own love language too, that she will not feel bad if she does things with a kind intention that don't make you excited.
- Kind massage is however a trump card, few people dislike it - if the situation is appropriate - perhaps starting with the feet is less intimidating, and a pure gesture of thoughtfulness without erotic associations.
- Girls know that guys can "show love" in order to get sex, and will feel used and cheap if that is perceived. If she feels disrespected once, it can create fear in her heart, that it will happen again. Never think that "sex" is at all the same as "making love" to a woman - make sure it will be for HER. Show love to make her feel fulfilled, and sooner or later she cannot resist, but wants to show love in her own way, which a guy really understands...

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I take my girlfriend on a date if I don't have any money?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

It doesn't have to be super expensive for it to be meaningful, it just has to be thoughtful and intentional. You could even set a mattress up in your living room and have a pajama party movie night at home and she would probably love it.
Question

What makes a girl happy in a relationship?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Respect, communication, and intimacy are obviously pretty key. A lot of this is going to be unique to every girl (or guy for that matter). Everyone has a different series of wants and needs in a relationship, and the best way for to figure out what your girlfriend needs out of you is to simply ask her!

Warnings

Every girl is unique, so you can't necessarily treat your current girlfriend the way you treated your last girlfriend and expect her to automatically be happy. Keeping your girlfriend happy isn't a "cut and paste" operation, so make sure that you treat her in a way that recognizes her unique needs and wants.

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