Your Guide to Navigating the Talking Stage and How to Get Out of it

Turn your talking stage into a relationship by flirting, going on dates, and making your feelings clear

Co-authored by John Keegan and Devin McSween

Last Updated: January 9, 2023 References

Talking Stage Timeline

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What is the talking stage?

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How to Get Out of the Talking Stage

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Expert Interview

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Expert Q&A

You text your crush every day, regularly bump into them on the weekends, and know all about their favorite musician and go-to brunch spot. After weeks of talking, one question looms large: how long is this talking stage going to last before you start dating, or decide to call it quits? If you’re wondering where you and your crush stand and where the talking stage has you headed, we’ve got you covered! In this article, we’ll tell you all about the talking stage, how long it should last, and how you can turn talking into an official relationship.

Things You Should Know

Most talking stages last several weeks to 2 months.
The talking stage is when you’re getting to know someone and aren’t exclusive or in a relationship yet.
To get out of the talking stage, ask your crush to hang out in person, open up about your past and beliefs, and tell them how you feel.

Section 1 of 3:

Talking Stage Timeline

The talking stage can last anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months. How long the talking stage lasts really depends on you and your crush! After 2 weeks, you might know that you want to make it official with them. Or, you might need more time to get comfortable with your crush–or simply enjoy the low commitment of just talking–and stay in this stage for several months.^{[1]
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- It’s completely normal for the talking stage to last at least 2 months. This is when relationship experts say it's okay to talk to your crush about being exclusive.^{[2]
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- However, the talking stage isn’t meant to last forever. If you know that you want something more from your partner, tell them!^{[3]
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Section 2 of 3:

What is the talking stage?

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In the talking stage, you get to know someone without an official label. You and your crush are texting and talking on the phone every day, but steering clear of defining the relationship. It can sound a lot like dating, but you and your crush are simply testing the relationship waters and learning about each other.^{[4]
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- The talking stage usually begins once you and your crush are introduced to each other. It can start in person, after you flirt and exchange numbers at a party, or once you match with someone on a dating app and start texting off the app.^{[5]
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The talking stage helps you figure out if your crush is right for you. You might chat about your background, beliefs, and interests to see if your vibes and values align. You’ll know that there’s something there if you feel a giddy rush when their name pops up on your screen and you want to spend more and more time talking. You’ll probably even see them becoming a part of your life.^{[6]
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- It’s okay if you don’t share the exact same values, as long as your differences are complementary. If there are fundamental differences in the things that are important to you both, it might mean that you’re not a great fit.
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There is no commitment or exclusivity during the talking stage. Because there are no labels, you might find yourself in the talking stage with multiple people at a time. If you’re not sure what you’re looking for in a partner or a relationship, this is a great way to find out.^{[7]
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- Most people credit Gen Z with coining the talking stage. Casually getting to know each other removes a lot of the pressures of regular dating, while allowing you to explore your options.^{[8]
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Section 3 of 3:

How to Get Out of the Talking Stage

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Flirt with your crush to show them that you’re interested. Add some fun and spice to your conversations! When you flirt through text, playfully tease them. Compliment your crush and tell them how easy it is for you to talk to them. If you’re feeling bold, send them a few suggestive emojis to make it clear that you find them attractive.^{[9]
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- When you flirt with your crush in person, use your body language to communicate your interest. Face them when you talk, give good eye contact, and smile! You can even initiate some contact by brushing their arm when you talk.^{[10]
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Make plans to hang out with your crush. You can start with a casual hang out at first, like inviting them to join in on plans you made with friends. Simply text them and ask if they’re free to meet up with you. Once you’ve hung out with them a few times in relaxed settings, you can take the leap and ask them out on a date.^{[11]
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- When you talk to your crush, you can indirectly ask them on a date! Tell them that you’ve been meaning to try out that new coffee shop or see the latest blockbuster. If they say that they’ve been meaning to as well, ask them if they want to join you.^{[12]
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- If they aren’t biting your indirect advances, take initiative and ask them on a date! Keep it casual and ask if they’d like to meet you for coffee or drinks.
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Get to know your crush slowly. The best part of the talking stage is that you get to build a solid connection that helps you figure out if you want to date. Start by asking your crush about their job, hobbies, and interests. As you grow more comfortable with each other, you can open up about your values, goals, family background, and past relationships.^{[13]
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- However, since the talking stage varies for every person and relationship, it’s totally okay if you move out of it quickly! As the saying goes, when you know, you know.
- The talking stage helps you develop your relationship naturally. With time, you’ll talk more frequently, go on dates more often, and grow closer as you open up and be vulnerable with each other.^{[14]
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When you’re talking, be honest with each other. Even in the casual talking stage, it’s important to be open about who you both are. If you and your crush want different things out of life that you can’t give each other in a relationship, it’s best that you’re honest about that when you talk.^{[15]
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- You want to have the full picture of each other so that you can figure out if you want to pursue the relationship further.
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If you know you want a relationship, tell your crush how you feel. Ask your crush to meet you in person to talk about your relationship. When you chat, be confident and direct about your feelings. Maybe you want to date and be exclusive, or you're ready to make the relationship official.^{[16]
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- It’s a great idea to ask your crush how they feel about the relationship too.
- For example, you might start the conversation with something like, “I really like talking to you and can see this going somewhere further. How are you feeling?”
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It might be time to move on if they can’t give you what you need. If your relationship isn’t progressing, or they told you they don’t want to be in a relationship, it might be time to move on. It can be hard to let go of something that you spent so much time investing in. Just remember that you deserve someone who loves you, respects you, and can give you what you need in a relationship.^{[17]
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- It is totally normal and okay to grieve the relationship. Take time for yourself and ask your friends and family for support if you need it.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you know if the talking stage is failing?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Take a look at what your values and are and how they line up with the other person's. For example, someone else's values might be enjoying freedom and not wanting any entanglements while you value commitment more.