Breakups are tough enough, but even after a relationship ends, your ex has the potential to sabotage your next attempt at love. Being friends with your ex might sound like a fine idea, but it can actually hurt your future or current relationships. Keep reading to learn why you might want to stay away from your ex, even if it’s been a while since the breakup.

1

You might not give new relationships a chance.

  1. If you’re still thinking about your ex, you might be sabotaging your attempts at love. Keeping your ex around can be detrimental for your love life, because you might be hoping (even subconsciously) that you two will get back together. To really give yourself a true shot at a new relationship, you probably need to take some time away from your ex.[1]
    • Jumping into dating too quickly could also be a reason that you aren’t super open to a new relationship right now. If the breakup is still fresh, you might need to take some time for yourself before looking for love again.
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2

You need time away from your ex to heal and move on.

  1. If you don’t move on from your ex, finding a new relationship will be tough. Experts recommend taking at least 3 months apart from your ex.[2] If your ex is constantly reaching out or trying to chat with you, it can really prevent you from getting over them. In general, you should try to take some time apart from your ex after you two break up, at least for a little while.
    • You might also want to delete old pics and text from your phone, just to get rid of any reminders of the relationship.[3]
    • If you want to be friends with your ex later on, that’s fine! However, jumping straight into a friendship after a breakup can be confusing.
4

Your ex could make new partners jealous.

  1. Lots of people don’t want to get involved with someone who still talks to their ex. If you’re trying to date people again and they find out that you and your ex are pals, they might get a little spooked. Of course, if you and your ex are truly platonic, this shouldn’t be an issue—but if you or your ex have any lingering feelings for each other, you’re going to have a hard time finding someone new.[5]
    • This is why it’s important to give yourself time to move on before branching out and dating again. If you still have feelings for your ex, it’s going to be tough to find someone else.
5

You may compare your current partner to your ex.

6

You may start having feelings for your ex again.

  1. When your ex is still around, it’s easy to get thinking about them again. Maybe you realize that you messed up and you want to get back together, or maybe you just think they’ve changed. Either way, still keeping up with your ex can hold you back from other relationships, because you’ll be thinking about getting back together with them.[7]
    • This tends to happen a lot in on-again off-again relationships. Your ex stays in your life, so you never have a chance to branch out on your own, and you end up getting back together with them instead.
7

You might be tempted to try a physical relationship with your ex.

  1. Friends-with-benefits relationships rarely work out with an ex-partner. When your ex is still around after a breakup, it’s easy to think that you two could maybe hook up now and then without consequences. However, that’s rarely the case, and it’s more likely that one or both of you will start getting feelings for each other again. Hanging onto your ex like that can prevent you from moving on, which can hinder new relationships before they even begin.[8]
    • For most people, physical intimacy is tied in with feelings of love. If you hook up with your ex again, it could blur the boundaries of your breakup.
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References

  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-love-and-war/201405/the-10-worst-reasons-stay-friends-your-ex
  2. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
  3. Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
  4. https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/talking-about-your-ex
  5. https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/talking-about-your-ex
  6. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201710/4-relationship-sabotaging-beliefs-about-your-partner-s-ex
  7. Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
  8. https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-initiate-friends-with-benefits
  9. Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.

About This Article

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Licensed Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. This article has been viewed 10,600 times.
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Co-authors: 3
Updated: February 28, 2022
Views: 10,600
Categories: Relationships
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