How to Have an Open Relationship

Last Updated: June 28, 2020 References

An open relationship is a relationship that is not exclusive. Generally, it means that either partner can become romantically involved with other people.^{[1]
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Research source} It is a difficult thing to initially bring up in a relationship. It is also difficult to maintain. Not everyone will respond positively to it, since it is nontraditional, but it can be a positive experience if done correctly.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Understanding an Open Relationship

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Ask yourself deeply why you want an open relationship. Are you no longer satisfied with your partner? Do you simply want to try it? Do you think it will enhance your relationship with your current partner? These are all important considerations to make before trying to discuss the topic with your partner.^{[2]
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- Be sure your motives are very strong before trying to discuss the topic with your partner. For some people, the topic is incredibly taboo and negative. Unless your partner has mentioned it in the past, do not assume that your partner will accept it.
- Ask yourself if it is worth pursuing. It is possible that bringing up the topic with your partner will create a rift between you two. It may sound like you are no longer happy in the relationship. Be sure it is something you absolutely want to pursue, because you could possibly lose your current partner.
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Understand that an open relationship does not mean that your love for your partner should decrease. In fact, many think that having a successful open relationship requires an even deeper bond between partners to maintain a connection.
- If you cannot accept this fact, you should strongly consider whether or not an open relationship is worth it. You may be looking for a way out of a relationship without actually breaking up, which is a poor motive to enter an open relationship.
- You will need an even deeper connection with your partner because you may be drawn to love other partners. Ask yourself if you will be able to maintain your love for your partner while still seeing other people.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Introducing the Subject

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Find the right time to discuss the topic. Try to schedule a time and make sure you both have set aside an hour or two to deeply discuss the topic. Undoubtedly, you will need plenty of time to discuss the nuances of the relationship and whether or not it is something you and your partner want to pursue.^{[3]
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- Try to get rid of any distractions, like cell phones, or computers before starting the conversation.
- Make sure your partner understands that the time to talk should be fairly serious. You don't want your partner to be surprised.
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Bring up the topic of an open relationship and ask what your partner thinks about it. Try to gauge their opinion before progressing any further. If he/she reacts very poorly, do not try to continue pushing the topic. It is better to cease discussion of it immediately.^{[4]
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- Make sure to express that there is nothing wrong with your current relationship but you want to try adding another dimension.
- Pay close attention to your partner's body language as it may convey emotions which words may not.
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If your partner seems to react positively, introduce what an open relationship is and why you want it for the relationship. Be honest and open as to your motives to express that you are not trying to devalue your partner's role in the relationship.
- Explain clearly that this type of relationship is giving and not selfish. It's one that is not codependent.
- Be sure to express that the open relationship can be on a trial period. It is okay to stop it at any time if either partner feels uncomfortable with the situation.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Discussing the Details

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Discuss what the limits and goals for the open relationship should be. Outline clearly for your partner what you hope to gain from the relationship and where the limits should be. Then, have your partner describe what he/she believes the limits should be. Come to a compromise based on this information.
- Discuss with your partner whether you should ask each other permission before becoming involved with someone else. Some people prefer to have the right to "veto."
- Discuss whether you expect to be told about the other partner's activities. Do you want to know whenever your mate has been involved with someone else? Or would you rather not know?
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Establish ground rules about how far each partner can go. You may decide that each of you can do any sexual activity with anyone else, or you may draw the line somewhere, or ask that your partner only be involved with someone of a particular gender. Some couples even establish geographical boundaries, such that the relationship becomes "open" when the couple is separated by a long distance.^{[5]
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Talk about protection. If either of you gets a sexually transmitted disease or infection, it will affect both of you, so this is important to discuss. Will each partner confirm that the person they're getting involved with is STD-free? Is verbal reassurance enough, or do you want to see medical papers? Will each partner use protection when engaging in ALL sexual activity, or just some?^{[6]
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Discuss whether or not you want to tell your friends and family about the new aspect to your relationship. Many will not accept an open relationship so it is a touchy topic.
- It is perfectly okay to not tell your friends and family about the open relationship if you feel uncomfortable doing so.
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Finally, be sure to express that communication will be the absolute key to making the relationship successful. Agree that honesty is the best policy. If you and your partner are lying to each other about what is happening with other people, suspicion and paranoia will grow.
- Make sure that your partner understands that he/she can stop the open relationship at anytime.

Community Q&A

Question

What if my partner will not make use of this, but still accept the open relationship to make me happy? Is there a way to avoid him or her being sad?

Community Answer

There might not be. Some people do not like the idea of an open or polyamorous relationship as much as they like their partner's happiness and will let the relationship be more open than they want out of fear of losing their partner entirely if they speak up and say that they're unhappy. The reality is that this person probably will be sad and won't cope that well with the open situation, so you need to make a decision to put the partner first.
Question

Is it a good thing to be in an open relationship?

Community Answer

Some people think so. Being in an open relationship is way better than having one partner cheat on the other. Since it is an open relationship, there's a fear of losing your loved one, there's no denying it. Do remember if you do get into this type of relationship, communication becomes very important.