How to Have a Successful Blind Date

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: February 19, 2023 References

Many successful couples today meet through blind dates. You might have one of your good friends set you up, or maybe you use a dating app on your smartphone. Blind dates can be stressful because they entail spending quality time with a stranger whom you’re somewhat expected to like. But, if you take steps to make your blind date a success, you might end up with a good friend or a meaningful significant other.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Planning Your Blind Date

1
Choose the person who sets you up wisely. If you’re asking someone to set you up, make sure that the person knows you well and, perhaps more importantly, knows what you want in a partner. Your close friends might have the same social circles as you and might not be able to set you up with anyone new. Don’t be afraid to ask people you don’t know as well, such as friends of friends, to set you up. Pick someone who you think would have fun, interesting friends.^{[1]
X
Research source}
2
Talk to your date on the phone beforehand. You will need to communicate with your date beforehand to talk about logistics. If the person setting you up insists on coordinating logistics, ask to at least chat with the person on the phone for a few minutes with the matchmaker there. Ask your date a few basic questions, such as where they are from or what they like to do on the weekends. That way, when you talk to the person on your date, you’ll have one small conversation to reference.^{[2]
X
Research source}

Advertisement
3
Set a specific start and end time for your date. Choose a start time that you can make with plenty of leeway. Choose an end time that leaves time for lingering if you want to keep talking with your date. Keep it short. If you like your date, you can always see them again. A bad date that’s too long is worse than a good date that’s too short!^{[3]
X
Research source}
4
Pick a public place for your date. Restaurants, bars, parks, movie theaters, and mini golf venues are all good examples. Let a friend know what time you’re leaving and when you’ll be back. Check in with her at the end of your date so that she knows you’re safe.^{[4]
X
Research source}
5
Pick a low-key but engaging activity. When deciding what to do, pick something that is easy and stimulates conversation. Feel free to abandon the “dinner and drinks” mold.^{[5]
X
Research source} Here are some ideas that are more interesting than dinner (but also pair well with dinner, if you are hungry!):
- Hiking
- Mini golf and ice cream
- Aquarium
- Jazz club
- Karaoke bar
- Canoeing or kayaking
- Cooking class
- Dance class^{[6]
  X
  Research source}

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Preparing on the Day of Your Date

1
Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident. Don’t feel the need to try out a new outfit. Wear something that you know you like and that you know looks good. Dress appropriately for the activity you’re doing on your date. Wear athletic clothes if you’re going hiking or more formal wear if you’re going out to an expensive restaurant.^{[7]
X
Research source}
2
Drop all expectations. Try not to expect the perfect partner right from the outset. Your blind date might surprise you in a positive way. When you think about what you hope to get from your blind date, turn your mind to something else immediately. Don’t have low or high expectations. Aim for no expectations instead.^{[8]
X
Research source}
3
Think of an emergency escape plan. Do not stay at your blind date if your date is rude, mean, or otherwise extremely unpleasant. In the unfortunate case of an emergency, rehearse what you’re going to say. Maybe your roommate is sick, or your landlord called with an urgent issue regarding your apartment. It’s good to have an emergency plan in case the date goes horribly awry.^{[9]
X
Research source}
4
Remember good hygiene. Before you leave the house, double check that you’ve put on deodorant, flossed, and fixed your hair. A little bit of hygiene goes a long way when you’re meeting someone new!

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Enjoying Your Blind Date

1
Ask open-ended questions about your date. Ask your date questions without “yes” or “no” answers so that they don’t feel like they’re being interrogated. Get to know your date’s personality and lifestyle. Does this person seem like someone who shares your goals and complements your personality? See if your date likes the same things that you do, or if your date could introduce you to something you’ve always wanted to try. Here’s a list of questions to get you started:
- What do you like to do on weekends?
- What is one thing on your bucket list?
- What’s the best book you’ve read in the past six months?
- What in your life are you proud of?^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
- “What do you do? Do you enjoy your job?”
- “What is your best friend like?”
- “Do you want to try some of my food?”
- “Are you a morning person?”
- “Do you have roommates? Who are they?” ^{[11]
  X
  Research source}
2
Talk about yourself. Give your date realistic information about yourself, your life, your interests, and your thoughts. Your date is here to get to know you. Don’t dominate the conversation, but do express yourself as you would in typical conversations with friends or potential partners. Find connections between your date and yourself.^{[12]
X
Research source}
3
Practice active listening skills. Make eye contact with your date. Smile. Practice good posture. Nod at what the other person is saying.^{[13]
X
Research source} Occasionally, summarize what the other person says and show an interest in the other person’s interests.
- For example, you could say, “It sounds like you have a great relationship with your mother! When was the last time you saw her?”
- Or, “You seem like you really love your job. How did you get interested in public service?”
4
Be honest about next steps. Tell your date if you want to see them again. Get their number and call them within a couple of days. If you don’t want to see your date again, tell them that you had a nice time and that you hope they have a good rest of their evening. Don’t be overtly cruel about rejecting someone, but don’t feel as though you have to give them false hope by saying you want to see them again when you don’t.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Dealing with Awkward Situations

1
Don’t run away from an unattractive date. If you get to your date and find that you’re not attracted to the person at all, don’t bail immediately. You committed to these short plans and might form a great friendship with the person. Don’t imply that you want to have a romantic relationship, though. Say something at the end of the night that implies friendship rather than a romantic relationship.
- You could say, “I had a great time tonight and think we could be great friends.”
- Or try, “I had a nice time tonight. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!”
2
Offer to pay or split the bill. Regardless of convention, offer (at the least) to split the bill with your date. Do not choose an activity or restaurant you can’t afford if you end up paying the entire bill.^{[14]
X
Research source} Here are some ways you can approach that awkward moment when the bill arrives:
- Say, “That was delicious. How do you feel about splitting the check?”
- Or, “This one’s on me!”
- Or, if your date offers to pay: “I’m happy to split the bill with you!”
- Or, if your date insists upon paying: “I’m happy to split the bill, but thank you so much!”
3
Don’t panic during awkward silences. Just because you aren’t talking doesn’t mean a moment is awkward! Feel free to take a few seconds and reflect on what’s happened so far. If you feel that the silence is awkward, have a backup list of open-ended questions (see above) to ask your date. The silence is probably much shorter than you think it is.
4
Read both yourself and your date for cues about the end of the night. Start thinking about that dreaded end-of-date moment before it actually happens. Do you want a handshake, a hug, a kiss? Read, too, the signals that your date gives you throughout the date. Does your date sit close to you, or do they seem like they’re in a hurry to leave? Whatever happens at the end of the date should be something you’re both comfortable with.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- If your date makes an unwanted advance, just step away and say no. You don’t owe your date any physical contact.
- If you accidentally make an unwanted advance on your date, don’t panic. Apologize for reading the situation incorrectly and continue talking with your date.

Expert Q&A

Question

What should you not do on a blind date?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Skip the pre-date daydreams. When we fantasize or daydream about a person, we're deluding ourselves into feeling that we're actually spending time with that person. If you're imagining yourself in different situations with that person, you'll end up projecting ideas and personality traits onto them that may or may not be real.

Warnings

Don’t bring an elaborate gift for your date. If things work out, you will have plenty of time to buy them gifts!

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 9 Not Helpful 0
Put away your cell phone. You can go two hours without checking it. If you are a doctor or have kids, for example, explain to your date why you need to check it every so often.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 13 Not Helpful 1
Do not drink alcohol before your date to “loosen up.” If you do drink during your date, set a concrete limit: two or three drinks, at most.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 8 Not Helpful 0
If your date seems angry, offensive, violent, or rude, take yourself out of the situation immediately.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 7 Not Helpful 1