How to Get a Girlfriend as a Teen

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: January 18, 2023 References

When you're a teenager, it can seem hard to get a girlfriend, especially if you've never had one before. Luckily, by projecting confidence, building a friendship with a girl, and being straightforward when you ask her out, you might just find yourself with a girlfriend before you know it!

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Catching Her Interest

1
Show her you're self-assured by standing up straight and making eye contact. Even if you don't feel super confident, you can seem like you do by practicing good posture and looking the girl in the eye when you talk to her. This will project assurance, sending the message that you are someone she should get to know.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Confidence is good, but being cocky will push girls away.
2
Smile when she's around. The simple act of smiling can make you feel more at ease when you're around the girl you like.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} In addition, it can actually make you happier. Smiling sends feel-good chemicals through your brain, relaxes your body, and lowers your heart rate.^{[3]
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- Smiling also causes an unconscious in other people, making them more likely to smile.
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3
Practice good hygiene every day. Girls are more likely to be attracted to someone who has a clean, well-kept appearance. Shower every day, keep your nails groomed, use deodorant or antiperspirant each day, and brush your teeth twice a day.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services
Go to source}
- Good hygiene is important for more reasons than just getting a date. It can also promote good health throughout the course of your life.
- If you like, spritz on a little perfume or cologne at when you're getting dressed, but don't go overboard with it, because it can be overwhelming.
4
Wear clothes that flatter you. You don't have to wear the most expensive designer clothes to look good. Just wear clean, unwrinkled clothes that fit you comfortably and make you feel good about yourself.
- Even if you don't have a lot of money to go shopping, you can pick clothes from your closet that fit you well, then ask for clothes or gift cards for your birthday and holidays.
5
Find out if she likes girls if you're a girl. If you're a girl and you're interested in a same-sex relationship, it can be hard to know how to find someone to date. If you're not sure whether she's gay, try asking mutual friends, pay attention to whether or not she flirts with you, or just ask her.
- For a subtle way to ask her if she likes girls, try saying something like, "So, do you have a boyfriend?"
- Signs that she's flirting with you might include seeming really excited whenever you're around, finding excuses to touch you or be near you, or smiling whenever she looks at you. However, these could also mean she sees you as a dear friend, so take your time to be sure before you make a move.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Talking to a Girl

1
Introduce yourself if you don't already know the girl. This will show her that you're confident and that you are interested in her. It might seem a little scary to be the first one to break the ice, but take a few deep breaths and remember that you have to talk to her if she's ever going to be your girlfriend.^{[6]
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- Try asking her a question or for a small favor as a way of striking up a conversation. For instance, if you're in class, you could say something like, “Hi, I'm Jess. Do you have a pencil I can borrow?”
2
Make small talk. Once you've introduced yourself, try to work your way into a light-hearted conversation. Ask her a question, talk about school, or chat about something that's going on around you. The conversation doesn't have to go on too long, but it will let her know you noticed her.^{[7]
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- Stay away from serious topics like politics, religion, or anything too sad, at least at first.
3
Make her laugh. If you can make a girl laugh, she'll be more likely to want to spend time around you. Try telling jokes, make fun of yourself (but not too much), and find plenty of reasons to laugh a lot yourself.^{[8]
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- When you get to know her better, send her funny texts or memes to make her laugh.
- If something funny happens around the two of you, turn it into an inside joke and make references to it at unexpected times.
4
Ask her questions about herself. Over time, as you're talking to the girl you like, ask her questions that will help you get to know her better. Ask her about her friends, her pets, what kind of music she likes, or anything else you're curious about. As you're talking, tell her things about yourself too. Just don't monopolize the conversation by talking about yourself the whole time.^{[9]
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- Try asking her a question like, “How do you spend your time on the weekend?” to find out what she likes to do when she's not at school.
- You could also ask her something like, “What's your favorite class?”
5
Listen to her when she's talking. Show her that you're paying attention by nodding and giving her feedback while she talks, like “Wow!” or “I didn't know that.” Try to see things from her point of view, which will make you more engaged in the conversation. In addition, showing empathy can make you more likely to get a girlfriend.^{[10]
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- Listening to what she has to say is the best way to find out if you and she are compatible.
- It will also show that you are interested in what she thinks, which she'll appreciate.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Building a Deeper Relationship

1
Spend time around her. There's no need to rush directly into asking her out. Play it cool and hang out together for awhile to develop a strong friendship. In addition to giving you a chance to get to know her better, she will also get to know you, giving her the chance to decide if she likes you.
- If you go to school together, try to hang out between classes or at lunch.
- Outside of school, try to hang out as part of a group so it will be low-key and relaxed.
2
Do things she wants to do. While inviting her to hang out with you doing the things you like can be fun, it's important that she gets to pick what you guys do sometimes too. This will show her that you're versatile, that you respect her as an equal, and that you value her relationships.^{[11]
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- For instance, if she meets up with you and your friends for a pizza night, take her up on the offer if she invites you to go with her and her friends to the movies.
3
Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You're unique, and if you want a girlfriend, she should appreciate you for exactly who you are. Focus on your talents and what makes you special, and let her get to know the real you.^{[12]
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- If you pretend to be someone else and the girl you like finds out, she probably won't trust you, and she may not want to take the time to find out who you really are.
- It can be hard to be vulnerable around someone else, but take your time and slowly open up to her. She'll most likely appreciate getting to see a different side of you.
4
Give her thoughtful compliments. You don't want to overdo this, since it especially during the friendship phase, but if you notice something you really like about her, let her know. It might be a good grade she got on a test, a dress that makes her look especially pretty, or a new haircut.^{[13]
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- You could also compliment some of her character traits, like how she's always nice, even to the unpopular kids.
- Avoid complimenting her body, as this could make her feel uncomfortable.
5
Flirt with her. It's important to build a genuine friendship with the girl you like, but if you want to know if she might be interested in dating you, try flirting with her. Make eye contact with her when you're talking, look for excuses to brush your hand against hers, and keep your arms uncrossed and your posture relaxed when she's around to show your interest.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- The more you get to know her, the more obvious your flirtation can be.
- Give her some space if she doesn't seem to be open to your flirtations. For instance, if she shows signs that she doesn't want to be touched, back off physically so you don't make her uncomfortable.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Asking Her Out

1
Look for clues that she's interested. As you're flirting with the girl you like, pay attention to how she reacts. If she seems receptive to your attention, like blushing or smiling at you when you compliment her, she might be interested. If she rolls her eyes or doesn't seem like she enjoys being around you, you should probably find someone else to spend time around.^{[15]
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- Touch her arm, hand, or shoulder, and see how she reacts. If she pulls away, she might feel uncomfortable. However, if she leaves your hand where it is, she may be interested.
- If she does pull away from you, respect her physical space and don't try to touch her again unless you're sure she wants you to.
2
Choose the right time to ask her out. The best time to ask a girl out is when the two of you are alone in a quiet place with few distractions. This way, she'll be able to really focus on what you're saying.^{[16]
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- If she's feeling stressed out or distracted, or if there are a lot of other people around, wait for a better time.
3
Ask her to be your girlfriend. Exactly how and when you do this is up to you, but it's best to be straightforward. Try looking into her eyes and thinking about what really makes her special to you. Then, tell her that, and ask her if she'd like to be your girlfriend.^{[17]
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- Don't assume she'll know what you mean. Be clear about what you're asking.
- You may want to ask her on a date before you ask her to be your girlfriend, or you may even want to go on several dates first. On the other hand, you might choose to ask her to be your girlfriend first, and then take her on a date. Do what feels most natural to you.
4
Set up the time for a special date if she says yes. You may want to have a few ideas for a date planned ahead of time, so if she says yes, you'll be ready with a suggestion. Think about what she likes to do, and plan your date around that.^{[18]
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- Even if you don't have a lot of money, you can still plan a memorable date that she'll love.
- For example, if she really likes romantic gestures, ask her if she'd like to go on a picnic in the park.
- Other options might be to cook dinner for her, go to a football game together, or attend a dance she's been looking forward to.
5
Respect her opinion if she says no. Unfortunately, even if you do everything right, there's no guarantee that someone else will be interested in dating you. Rejection can be really hard to deal with, but try to accept it gracefully.^{[19]
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- If she says no, try to say something like, “I understand, it's okay. I'll see you at lunch tomorrow,” even if you're feeling really upset. That way she knows she doesn't have to feel uncomfortable around you.
- Just because this girl wasn't the one doesn't mean you're unlovable. Keep looking, and you'll find the right person for you.