How to Flirt (for Teens)

Last Updated: December 11, 2022 References Approved

Flirting, even though it seems scary, is really easy if you just remember to be confident and be yourself. Those are the two important basics, but there are lots of other things you can try out to flirt like a pro, such as choosing good conversation topics or smiling more. Once you get the basics of flirting down, you'll be able to talk to your crush without breaking a sweat, and you might be able to ask them out on a date!

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Connell Barrett, founder of Dating Transformation. Check out the full interview here.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Flirting with Conversation

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Choose an opening line. If you want to flirt with someone, you need to talk to them! Come up with an opening line to make this approach easier.
- The opening line, though, should not be something too corny or cliché or the crush might respond with a laugh! If they do, laugh it off yourself! You could offer the person gum or a Tic-Tac.
- The best opening lines refer to natural points of common interest. For example, you could make a comment or ask a question about a homework assignment or a movie everyone is talking about. Say something like, "Hey, what did you think about that math test? I thought it was hard." Or: "Did you see X movie? I'm trying to decide whether to go check it out."The key is to break the ice and strike up a conversation. ^{[1]
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  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
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Compliment the person.^{[2]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Flirting should be positive, and make the other person feel better about himself or herself.^{[3]
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Research source} You could say, "Hey, I like your T-shirt! Where'd you get it?" Or: "How do you always do so well on tests? Tell me your secrets!"
- People will want to be around you more if you build them up with positive, but sincere, compliments. So pick something that you really like about the person, and let them know! Don’t do this too much or in an over-the-top fashion or it could sound phony.
- A compliment can also work as an opening line. A compliment is also basically a reaching out to the other person, and it’s likely to make him or her open up to you more.
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3
Be talkative. Try not to make the other person do all of the conversation heavy lifting. Conversation can be very flirtatious if done right.
- Don’t let the conversation sink into long silences because that can be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. Ask questions if all else fails. "How do you think the football team is going to do tonight?" Or: "Did you hear that new song that X artist put out?"
- When talking, try to focus on common interests. Maybe you both like the same music group or have common groups of friends. Stay positive and don’t badmouth other people! Ask a question about something they like or are involved in.
4
Tease your crush. Do this nicely. Mean teasing that hurts someone’s feelings isn’t going to make him or her feel closer to you.
- Lighthearted teasing, though, is a way to communicate interest. You could say something like, “You tried out for football? You’re so good I’m surprised you even needed a tryout!”
- Be funny. Humor is attractive to most people if it’s done in a way that doesn’t seem cruel and doesn’t poke fun at people’s differences. Be very careful about teasing or complimenting a teenager about his or her body size or appearance because what you think they will like, might not work. Teenagers can be very sensitive.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Flirting with Body Language

1
Be yourself. Although a cliché, this requirement is essential when flirting. Being phony or fake isn't attractive.
- Think about it: if this whole flirt thing gets to bf/gf status anytime soon, the other person is going to realize you're not the same person if you put on airs and graces and pretended to be different from your true self in some attempt to win the other person over.
- If this person isn't attracted by who you really are, then they're not worth your time and effort.
2
Make eye contact. Body language is a big part of flirting, and a big part of that is eye contact. Eye contact conveys intimacy and interest.
- You will seem uninterested or even snobby if you make no eye contact at all. Or you will seem extremely shy. Glance at his lips and then look away.^{[4]
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- Don’t stare endlessly. That can be creepy. Make periodic eye contact. Meet your crush’s gaze briefly, smile coyly, and then glance away. Then, repeat.
3
Smile at the crush. A key part of flirting is smiling. Smiling communicates to people that you feel positively and warm about them.
- Don’t smile too much or it could seem phony, as with eye contact. It’s important to smile at natural moments.^{[5]
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- People like to be around people who seem happy and make them feel good about the world and themselves. Confidence is infectious, and a key way to project confidence is to smile.
4
Use open body language. Body language experts say there is closed body language and open body language. To flirt, you will want to communicate with open body language.
- Open body language means such things as palms up, arms and legs uncrossed, moving slightly into the other person’s space (say by leaning forward), and smiling.
- Closed body language means feet turned away, hands turned down, arms crossed over the chest, a non-smile, and leaning away. In addition to communicating open body language to him or her, you can assess whether he or she likes you or is receptive to flirting by studying his or her body language.
5
Lightly touch your crush.^{[6]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Awkward alert, for sure. However, if you’ve chatted before and get along well so far, try making light contact with the person by playfully poking or wiping an imaginary eyelash off their cheek.
- Tap your crush on the elbow when you say something about them, or gently fix a flyaway hair.
- See how the other person reacts. If they step away (putting physical distance between you), cross their arms (putting symbolic distance between you), finds an excuse to start texting, etc., stop flirting (or stop flirting so hard – it’s possible you’re coming on too strong).

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Flirting in Other Ways

1
Flirt innocently. The best flirting is subtle. It means that you’re communicating interest in the other person without doing it overtly.^{[7]
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Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} There’s an art to it.
- That means that overt activities such as sexting are not good ideas. For one, it can be illegal and against school rules. For another, it is highly unlikely to gain you the type of interest you want.
- A much better way to flirt is simply to talk to the other person with actual interest about things you’re both involved in. Avoid sexual talk. Even if you weren’t young, it’s not a good way to go about it!
2
Flirt by text or social media. This doesn’t mean that you send dirty texts or sext. Don’t do those things. They are not attractive and could get you in big trouble.
- Flirting by text (or other social media) simply means you indicate interest and offer positive feedback. You could text them a comment about a homework assignment for example. Be casual. Stay only very positive on social media, posting statuses that focus on activities you are doing. This will make him or her want to be part of your exciting life!
- You could click like on one of their photos on Facebook, retweet one of their Tweets, or add them on Snapchat. This is the Internet equivalent of going up to the in person to say hi. You could use emojis to indicate interest.^{[8]
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  Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
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3
Be a good listener. People like to talk about themselves. Let’s face it. You will draw his or her interest by being a good listener sometimes and a support system.
- Ask questions when he or she is talking in order to indicate that you are really listening and offer positive feedback.
- Lean a little closer or touch the person’s shoulder if they are going through a hard time to indicate warmth and caring. Don’t only talk about yourself!
4
Wear red. Research has shown that people, especially boys, are naturally drawn to red, sometimes without even realizing it.^{[10]
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- Similarly, if you’re female, you could wear lip gloss, which some people find attractive, or dangling earrings to highlight a long neck. Spritz perfume or cologne on the back of your neck.
- Avoid dark colors that seem drab and depressing. Wear vibrant and fun colors and softer pastels that indicate romance (like pink, light blue, etc.)
5
Leave them wanting more. If your flirting session is going really well, you might not want it to end (especially if you like the person), but this puts the flirting session at risk of getting boring.
- Avoid the friend zone.^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Being friendly with someone sometimes puts you at risk for coming across as too much of a, well, friend, and nothing says unsexy like being thought of as a BFF by your crush.
- Avoid being too available, giving too much (time, energy, attention), or trying too hard. If you and your crush usually bump into each other at the same time every day by the lockers or in the lunch line, for example, make a point of not being there every once in a while so that they have a chance to miss you.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I flirt with somebody in my class?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Start off with a casual conversation about something in class to help break the ice. Try telling jokes and smiling a lot when you're with the person to show that you're interested in them?
Question

If the am flirting with a girl. How can I tell you that she's interested too?

Community Answer

Pay attention to body language. Does she make eye contact with you? Does she smile at you? Basically, take everything from this Wikihow, and see if she does it. Does she lean into you? Laugh at your jokes? Stick around to talk to you? Click like on your comments on social media, etc.? Chances are she probably likes you. Admittedly, sometimes girls play hard to get. But they will usually give away interest in these ways at least at times. Don't expect that they will always act flirtatious because they've been told to sometimes play hard-to-get!
Question

I'm a pre-teen, and I have a crush on my best friend How can I flirt without him being super weirded out?

Community Answer

Just talk to him! Show more interest than you have before, but about things that he likes or is involved in. Like his photos on Facebook. Just be positive, and talk to him a little more than you did before!

Warnings

Don't make yourself appear too desperate, and more importantly, don't be desperate. If they don't respond positively, it's their loss.

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