How to Get Your Point Across

Co-authored by Patrick Muñoz

Last Updated: January 1, 2023

Whether you're trying to prove to your parents you need a later curfew or trying to prove to your employees that they need to buckle down and work harder, getting your point across requires a bit of finesse. You can learn to choose good points and craft them to fit your purposes, as well as how to present those points in the best and most convincing way possible, whether you're speaking, writing, or presenting your points in other ways.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Making Good Points

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Evaluate the situation. Whoever you’re engaged in discussion with, getting your point across will involve different tactics and techniques, depending on the situation. Evaluate who your audience is and what their expectations of you are before deciding what tactic will work the best.
- If you’re trying to prove a point to an authority figure, like a parent, your boss, or some other figure who has power over you, you’ll want to be sure to highlight how your point will make the situation better for everyone. How will the family, company, or group benefit from your proposed point?
- If you’re trying to prove a point to a child or a subordinate employee, it’s important to explain the details and reasoning of your point without being condescending. Even if you’re “teaching a lesson,” don’t talk down to the other person and your point will get across much better. No "because I said so" reasons.
- If you’re trying to prove a point to a partner, spouse, or even a very close friend, someone on equal footing, it’s important to maintain an even keel and speak clearly. Don't mince words. If you’re talking to someone who knows you intimately, avoid the more public rhetoric you might use to talk to your boss.
2
Make your points productive. It’s important to focus your points on solving a problem, not “winning an argument.” If your goal is to get a point across, make sure that it’s something that needs to be heard for the benefit of the person hearing it, or the benefit of the group, not just because you want to make it. It’s a lot easier to make points that are necessary and productive. Your point should help the other person, not bring them down.
- To figure out whether or not your points are productive points, imagine that someone else were going to give you the same piece of feedback or advice, or bring up the same idea. How would it feel? Would it give you something concrete to do or change?
- It would be one thing for a boss to say, "Our overhead's too high, so you're all going to have your hours cut. Sorry." Point made, but unproductive. Instead, try out something like this: "We're really struggling with overhead costs. To be able to keep you all on board and working as a team doing the great work you do, we're going to need to cut some of your hours slightly."
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3
Come up with some valid reasoning. The most important part of getting a point across is in figuring out what exactly your point is and why it's a valid point to bring up. Provable points are points that have good reasoning behind them. Even if it's an unpleasant truth, something the listener may not want to hear, you can be sure that it's a truth that needs to be heard.
- Obviously it's important for your child to work hard in school. But why? It's easier to get your child to study harder if it's focused on how your child will be happier with better grades and enjoy school better, as opposed to "because I say so" or "because your friend Jimmy studies hard."
- Tell the truth, as straight and as simple as possible. Tell your child that studying is an important part of growing up and learning to take care of yourself. You won't always be there to help them, and it's important for kids to learn as much as they can to grow up right.
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Anticipate counter-arguments. If you want a rock-solid point, anticipate all the possible holes in your argument and your point that the other person might make. Before you make your point, beat the other person to the punch by bringing up their rebuttal and debunking it before they get the chance.
- If you tell your child to study harder to grow up into a well-rounded adult, you might be likely to hear, "But I don't want to be a well-rounded adult, I want to play video games." It's understandable that lots of parents resort to the "because I said so" at this point, but use it as a teaching opportunity.
- State the anticipated argument out loud: "I know right now you just want to play video games all day. I did too when I was 7. But that'll change as you get older, and you'll need more skills."

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Presenting Your Point Out Loud

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Speak slowly and clearly. Mumbled, rushed, and chaotic points can't be accurately communicated. If you want to prove a point, slow down and speak it confidently, and don't stop until you're finished making your point.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Patrick Muñoz
Voice & Speech Coach
Expert Interview. 12 November 2019.} People tend to listen more closely if you slow down and speak in an even, measured tone, rather than quickly rush over your words as if nervous.
- If you're in a big group discussion and are struggling to be heard, cut yourself a chunk of air-time by grabbing the floor and then slowing down the back-and-forth. Say, "I'd like to say something" and then pause for a beat. Take a breath before continuing. Once you've got the floor, you've got the floor for however long it takes you to make your point. Make everyone hear you.
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Keep your voice calm and friendly, but firm.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Patrick Muñoz
Voice & Speech Coach
Expert Interview. 12 November 2019.} If people sense lots of emotion or hesitancy in your voice, they may not take you seriously. Anger or snobbery in your tone also causes people to get defensive or tune you out, rather than listen closely. Speak calmly, even when giving someone bad news or disagreeing with the boss.
- Give other people the benefit of hearing your true thoughts and feelings. Trying to be "friendly" by hedging your points, or hemming and hawing, will undercut the good points you're trying to make and only give people reasons to doubt them.
- Let a clear head prevail and take a deep breath before you need to make a contentious point. Introduce your point by saying, "This may not be popular, but here's what I'm thinking." This suggests that you've got the good of everyone at heart, rather than trying to be provocative or dissent for the fun of it.^{[3]
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  Research source}
3
Use "I" statements so the other person doesn't feel attacked. Package your point as just that: an idea that you have, which is perfectly valid to disagree with. If you're going to say something contentious, keep it focused on yourself, using the word "I" as opposed to lashing out at someone else.
- For example, you shouldn't say “Your music is too loud," which is confrontational and unproductive. Instead, say something like, “It'd be helpful for it to be a little quieter in here so I can finish this project. Would it be ok to turn it down for a bit?” Big difference.
4
Explain your goals. Reasoning is important when you're trying to make a point, but it's also important to focus not only on why it is you think your point is valid, but how that point or idea will help reach some larger goal. Points need context more than they need complicated reasons.
- For example, it may be a valid point that the music your office mate is playing is "too loud," by quoting decibel statistics, talking about hearing loss as a result of listening to loud rock music. However valid, these may not be the best way of getting your point across. Stay focused on how the music is distracting you from doing your job, the goal of the work day, not on your office mate's hearing.
5
Be brief. The best points are concise. Cut out all the hedging and learn to recognize when your point has been made. It's common to use too much packaging, when it's usually better to just cut to the heart of the matter, make your point as simply as possible, and then hash it out.
- If you tend toward making points that sound like this: "So, it might just be my own personal opinion, because I'm pretty new here and less experience than everybody else, so feel totally free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I was just noticing that it seems like maybe we could possibly use less paper in the office?" try cutting straight to the point and speaking more authoritatively. "I noticed we use a lot of paper in the office, five reams a day. Have we talked about cutting back before?"
- Lots of people talk too long, repeating the point that's already been made. If you tend toward this, just stop talking. Embrace the silence. Pausing after you’ve delivered your message gives your idea a chance to sink in, and also gives you time to regroup and organize your thoughts. Practice hitting pause, then putting on a calm face.^{[4]
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Listen to the other person. After you've made your point, stop talking and listen to what other people have to say. It's not your job to immediately launch into a defense of your point, or package it like an argument. Just sit calmly and let the other people or the other person respond, listening closely. The less protest you put into it, the more likely the others will be to agree.
- It's very important to listen actively in a discussion. A good way for a chat to turn into an argument is to stay focused on what you're going to say next, rather than actually hearing the other person out. Don't worry about forming a response until you've really listened to and processed the other person's thoughts.
- Respond calmly to their points if you need to. Allow yourself to be swayed as well, and use the conversation as an opportunity to deepen your collective ideas and form a new plan or a new point together. Collaborate.
7
Learn when to let it go. To try to get your point across, lead with your biggest and best reasoning, tell the person once, and then let it go. Getting sucked into a petty argument with someone who just wants to bicker isn't a productive use of your time. Once you've put your point out there, you shouldn't try to make the same point with weaker evidence, or allow someone else to wear you down with pettiness. Just learn to let it go and give the other person a chance to mull over it.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Presenting Your Point in Other Ways

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Write some points out clearly. If your point is especially complex or technical, it can be a good idea to prove your point in writing, as opposed to trying to talk it out or explain it in words. Complicated business proposals, technical project descriptions, schematics, and even complicated emotional talks can be more helpful to write out, so the other person can read it before you talk more directly and answer questions.
- Write a memo for a business idea, or a new concept about how to do business. Whether you're proposing to your boss or to subordinates, writing it out will give your point more credence, and allow the other people to think through it on their own time.
- Write an outline for a complicated concept or point, to break it down and make it easier to understand. If you think you've just uncovered the philosophical thesis for your new black metal collective's aesthetic manifesto, you should probably write it out instead of trying to explain it.
- If you’re struggling in a relationship, consider writing out your complicated feelings in a letter. This will help you gather your own thoughts, and could provide a more smooth transition into a hard discussion.
2
Present some points visually. Sometimes it’s true that a picture is worth a thousand words. If you can use an image, a photograph, or a video to make some point without speaking, you’ve made your job a lot easier. Using charts, graphs, and photos can be quick ways to present statistics, showing growth or decline, and letting the viewer come to their own conclusions about your point. It's hard to argue with a graph showing an employee's productivity dip.
- One common way of proving to alcoholics that they need to sober up is to record a particularly ugly example of their drunkenness, then play it back later. You shouldn't have to say anything.
3
Let your listeners think they’ve come up with the idea. An excellent rhetorical technique can be to ask lots of questions that lead the other people in the conversation to come to the same conclusion that you've come to, essentially planting the idea in their head. Play Socrates and ask a series of probing questions that help to create change.
- If you've noticed the absurd amount of paper used in your office, ask your boss how much paper the office goes through in a week, and have the specific answer prepared yourself. Follow up with, "Does that seem like a lot?" (Have statistics about the average paper consumption at similar offices handy). Think of it as showing the horse to water.
4
Tell a story. While personal experience isn't necessarily the most valid reasoning for a particular point, it tends to have a big effect on the ability of people to relate to you as a speaker and to connect emotionally to the point you're trying to make. Especially if you're making a point about some contentious issue, putting yourself in the context of the issue is often an important way of presenting your point as credible.^{[5]
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- If you've got a point to make about something that you've personally experienced, say so: "As someone who watched a grandparent suffer through prolonged dementia, I know that palliative care is more complicated than picking between various medications."
5
Avoid evasive gimmicks. For some people, big rhetorical flourishes are a lot more frustrating than they are effective, making it important that you evaluate the expectations of your audience and the context of the conversation before you decide to use a particular technique. You probably wouldn't bring a Power Point presentation to make a point to your poker club, just as you wouldn't want to incorporate a bunch of goofy audience-participation into your panel discussion with representatives from the Board of Mental Health. Make your presentation match the occasion.