How to Get Your Crush (for Boys and Girls)

Last Updated: October 20, 2022 References

Having a crush can drive anyone crazy. It may be difficult to initiate conversation with your crush, but by building confidence and being yourself, you can win them over and start a relationship.

Part 1

Part 1 of 7:

Making Initial Contact

1
Smile. Smile often, especially if you have a bright smile or you've been told you have a great smile. When your crush says something funny, laugh, of course. Just don't make it forced. Introducing humor of your own^{[1]
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Research source} into a conversation is a great way to keep it positive and memorable, and helps keep those smiles flowing naturally.
2
Maintain good body language. Before you even speak to your crush, you can give off positive vibes by having good posture. Also remember to maintain eye contact during the conversation, stay relaxed, and use hand gestures confidently.

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3
Don't be shy. If you're too quiet, your crush might not have a reason to be attracted to you or worse, might not even notice you. This can be difficult if you are an introvert, or if you are naturally a shy person. With that, keep in mind that overcoming shyness doesn’t necessarily mean talking a lot. It means speaking well and thoughtfully, and initiating conversation. It’s more about how you speak than how much you speak. There are a variety of good topics and ways to engage your crush in conversation.
- Find topics to agree on or laugh about. This is a good principle of conversing with anyone: find at least one area of common ground or interest in your conversation. You might even try not to end a conversation until you’ve found at least one source of agreement.
- Stay current. Mention recent movies, books, TV shows, articles, or other entertainment topics she might be familiar with. The more mainstream, the more likely she is to know your reference. This is particularly helpful when you have a lull in conversation.
- Stay positive. Think of things that pretty much everyone likes: hobbies, pets, vacations, weekends, dessert, etc. Not every one of these topics will apply, but one or two probably will, and the more general you are, the more likely you are to hit on commonality. Then take the conversation more specific from there.
- Avoid negative or sensitive topics. Save your discussions of politics, religion, class, or race for another time. Obviously, you don’t want to mention a topic that could lead to disagreement or even an argument. So, it’s wise to avoid these subjects. If one comes up and you can see it heading in a bad direction, try diverting the topic with a laugh and something disarming like, “Yikes. I usually steer clear of that subject at a party. That was a close one.”
4
Befriend your crush. Of course, before you land your crush you need to get to know her, and striking up a genuine friendship is an excellent way. A friendship will give you insight into her interests, making it easier to find and share common interests and activities. Friendships also build trust,^{[2]
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Research source} which is helpful when you get to the point of asking your crush out on a date. After all, no one wants to date someone she’s suspicious or distrustful of.
- Consider becoming Facebook friends if your crush is digitally inclined, and occasionally liking a post or two. This keeps you on their radar, and it gives you a glimpse into your crush’s interests as well.
- Don’t ditch your current friends.^{[3]
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  Research source} You don’t want to be too socially available or not available enough. That means you still want to maintain your current friendships as they’ve always been. Maintaining friendships will keep you grounded regardless of what ultimately happens with your crush. On the flipside, you don’t want to overdo it by being too socially aggressive with your crush. Avoid stalking your crush on social media or obsessing over him/her. Think of the association with your crush as an early-stage friendship.

Part 2

Part 2 of 7:

Showing Your Interest

1
Ask your crush questions. One of the best ways to show interest is to ask specific questions about herself. You could ask about where she’s from, family, work, hobbies, travels, or favorite things to do. Keep questions specific and lively, but not too personal or private.
2
Flirt. At some point, you’re going to have to begin casual flirting. If your crush does it first, great! Reciprocate. If not, you’ll have to initiate. Physically, a light arm or shoulder touch during conversation often works. Verbally, you can take your compliments up a level. For example, instead of saying she “looks good,” say she’s “beautiful.” And remember to smile and stay confident.

EXPERT TIP

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

A common mistake I see when people flirt is talking down about themselves. Sometimes people feel like misery loves company. But to flirt well, you have to be in a situation where you're happy with yourself, as this is what is attractive to others. Another mistake that I've seen with people flirting is being too available. Make sure to show that you have a little mystery and that you have your own life to the person you're flirting with.
3
Impress. Focus on yourself and your own success.^{[4]
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Research source} Scoring a big win at work or joining a gym or sports team can give you the sort of confidence boost that crushes find very attractive. They’ll be able to sense the success, but you can also talk about it. Light bragging is okay, as long as it doesn’t sound arrogant, self-possessed, or obnoxious.
4
Stay patient. Landing love won’t happen overnight. It’s a process that includes baby steps and small victories along the way: returned smiles, returned texts, great conversations, and more. The flipside of this is you don’t want to rush.^{[5]
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Research source} You could turn your love interest off by moving too fast, or give her the wrong impression about your intentions. So be patient, and try to have fun with it.
5
Look your finest. Remember the basics: hair, clothes, hygiene, and makeup, if you like. Wear deodorant and light cologne or perfume. You don’t want to overdo it or look like you’re trying too hard, but you do want to look attractive. So, clean up well, find something nice to wear, and play to your strengths—be they hair, eyes, height, etc.

Part 3

Part 3 of 7:

Being Your Best Self

1
Be the best possible version of yourself. You want to be the best that you possibly can be, in order to not only attract your crush but also to increase your chances of a healthy relationship and make you happier with yourself.^{[6]
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Research source} Improve yourself by doing some of the following steps.^{[7]
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2
Pursue your interests. Do the things that you want to do and that interest you. Pursue your dreams. When you do this, you will find you pick up many attractive qualities, like passion, a strong work ethic, and a positive outlook.
3
Work hard. A strong work ethic, determination, and passion are very attractive qualities. People like other people that get really into what they're doing and work hard. No matter what ignites your passion, throw yourself into your work to show others that you are not some lazy bum!^{[8]
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4
Tackle problems head-on. If you have bad habits or problems in your life, don't sweep them under the rug. Take the problem head on and fix it, before it drags down a relationship.
5
Only change for you. Your crush should love and accept you for who you are, so if you do make changes to yourself, be sure it is because you want those changes for your own happiness and not because they might make someone else happy.^{[9]
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Part 4

Part 4 of 7:

Being Attractive

1
Take care of your body.^{[10]
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Research source} Eat healthy and get exercise, because this will leave you feeling energetic and strong.^{[11]
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Research source} When you feel good and comfortable in your own skin, this shows to other people and they will find you more attractive.
2
Keep clean. Keep your body clean by showering regularly and washing your hair and body.^{[12]
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Research source} Wear deodorant and clean clothes as well. If you still find that you smell a bit off, try cleaning your room or changing what you eat.^{[13]
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3
Smell great. In addition to keeping everything clean, you might want to try making yourself smell extra nice by wearing a little bit of cologne or perfume. Don't go over the top! Only a little bit is necessary. Try to wear a scent that you feel matches your personality.^{[14]
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4
Look great. Wear clothes that look nice and look nice on your body. This can be really different for different people. Don't wear anything too tight or too baggy, wear colors that compliment your natural skin tone and hair, and try to wear clothes that fit with the current trends. Look at fashion magazines or websites to get ideas.
5
Be confident. Act confident to make yourself attractive in a totally different way.^{[15]
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Research source} Most people are attracted to confidence, so either increase your confidence or fake it until no one notices the difference.^{[16]
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6
Let them see you. Don't hide in the corner....let your crush see the new you! Get out and do things and try not to blend into the furnishings so much. You don't even have to talk to them. Just be in the same room and see you interact with other people.
- You don't need to go out of your way to attract attention. Don't be loud and crazy. Be yourself.

Part 5

Part 5 of 7:

Getting to Know Them

1
Be a good friend. Support them, like a friend should.^{[17]
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Research source} This is an attractive quality, because it shows how much you care and how much you can add to their life.^{[18]
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Research source} Listen to them rant about that teacher you both hate, watch one of their games, or surprise them by dropping in on their concerts. Say "Hi!" to your crush as you pass by them. If they aren't feeling well or are upset about something, help them out and comfort them as best as you can.
2
Spend time with them. You don't need to spend time alone with them, but you do need to spend time together. You can hang out in groups and do things like watch movies or go to a great local music venue. Just give them the opportunity to start to get to know you.
3
Get to know them. Learn more about them and get to know them for who they really are, rather than just the basic facts that anyone could tell you. People like to feel a strong connection and that the person they're with really understands them as a whole, so if you know your crush well, they'll be more likely to take your feelings seriously.
- You can get to know them by talking about things that are important to them, like their hobbies, their life goals, their family, and their beliefs.
4
Let them know you. They should also get the chance to learn the same things about you. Be open to discussion and inviting. Don't try to compete with them when you discuss your life; just let them see you for who you are.
5
Find common ground. Find out what things you share in common, in order to help build a lasting foundation for a relationship. No matter how cute they are, if you have absolutely nothing in common, you're not going to have a very good time together. Find out what they're into and share your own interests with them.
- Relationships work best if both of you are geeky about the same thing. And believe us, everyone is geeky about something. Even if that something is football.
6
Share their passions. You don't necessarily have to enjoy what they are most passionate about, but it will help a lot if you can understand and follow along with what they love. Immerse yourself and give it time. And especially ask them for help: it's a great bonding experience.

Part 6

Part 6 of 7:

Starting a Relationship

1
Let them be them. People that are reluctant to get into relationships are usually reluctant because they worry about what that relationship will mean for their free time or who they are as a person. Show your crush that they don't need to worry about that with you by letting them be their own person. Don't be clingy. Encourage them to go out and do things they enjoy. And in the mean time, show your independence by spending time on your own and with your own friends.
2
Flaunt your single status. Make sure your crush knows you're single and looking for someone to date. Mention it off-hand in a related conversation. However you do it, they need to know that you are in fact looking for someone to date.Ask them out for a movie or dinner
3
Flirt with them. Tease them gently using a little bit of sarcasm or a wink and a nudge. Be playful, like poking them on the arm occasionally or punching them lightly on the arm or shoulder. This will begin to show them that you're interested in them.^{[19]
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4
Introduce touch. Touching is a much more clear indicator of your feelings. Give them a light touch on the shoulder or the arm, always with a reason or excuse (out-of-context touching can be creepy). When you're a little closer, try touching their hand too.
5
Tell them that you like them. Sometimes people just need things spelled out for them. Tell your crush that you like them but don't put any pressure on them to respond. They might need time to absorb the idea and examine their own feelings.^{[20]
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6
Ask them out. You can skip the previous step in favor of going straight for this one, or you can proceed to this one if they haven't done anything to respond to your previous confession. If you're a guy, you're probably going to have to ask your girl out.^{[21]
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Research source} Girls shouldn't be afraid to take the lead though.^{[22]
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- Don't worry about rejection. If they don't want to date you, that's their loss and you're better off finding someone who really appreciates you.

Part 7

Part 7 of 7:

Securing Dates

1
Ask out your crush. Remember, this is what you’ve been building toward: a date with your crush. Stay calm and make the date casual. Chances are, if you’ve struck up a friendship—or even just a good conversation or two—you’ll have some idea already of what she likes to do and hence, what might be a good first date.
- Ask directly and specifically. You could say, “Want to grab a drink one night after work?” or “Free to do coffee one day next week? I can do Tuesday or Thursday.” Once she says yes, agree on a time and remember to get her phone number or email address, if you don’t have it already, in case anything comes up the day of the date. You can offer yours as well.
2
Follow up after the date. Texting is a safe way of following up. If you’ve already had a phone call, then call and speak, instead, or leave a voicemail. You’ll usually want to follow up the next day, but you could follow up the same day with something along the lines of, “Did you make it home OK?” or “I had a fun time tonight. Talk again soon. Goodnight!”
3
Continue to engage. By repeating the previous two steps, dating and following up on dates, you begin to establish a relationship. This is what getting your crush is all about. Ask if she prefers texting or calling, and if she’s open to calling, call. It’s a sign of a closer relationship. In the early days of a relationship, try to remain on her radar by speaking about every other day and moving toward daily. In person, your goal should be to do something together about once per week.
4
Remind your crush of your interest. Having a sit-down or a big official talk about relationship status, or Facebook relationship status, is scary and can backfire. Worry about relationship status details if and when they come up. Instead, remind your crush of your interest as if you’re an official couple. “I had a great time” or “You’re so much fun to hang out with” are meaningful statements that show interest, not obsession.
- Give compliments. Be real, and make your compliments about the things that you genuinely like about the person. Also, since we are talking about a crush, the compliments can be suggestively romantic but not overtly romantic or sexual. For example, you might not want to compliment their physical characteristics directly, but you could say something like, “You look great in that dress.”
- Contact your crush for no big reason. You might text or call for no reason other than just thinking about the other person. You can check in just to say hi, or to say that you saw something cool that reminded you of the other person. Keep it light and thoughtful, and your crush is prone to be flattered.
- Give thoughtful gifts. Everyone loves gifts. Just beware of coming on too strong with a big expensive gift. Also beware of gifts that are too intimate or suggestive. Instead, give thoughtful gifts based on her interests or your shared history. Examples could be flowers, a small work of art, or a favorite food your partner mentioned. You might also think of a gift based on interest areas, such as sports, cooking, gardening, books, films, or music.

Expert Q&A
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Question

Should I kiss on the first date?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

It's generally not a good idea if you want the relationship to be strong. It's not the world's biggest mistake, but you should get to know one another first.

Warnings

If you catch them staring at you, that is a sign, careful though, not to pressure them.

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Don't be mean or obsessive if he/she is flirting with someone else. Maybe they just want your attention, or are trying to get you to notice them a little more.

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This isn't foolproof, and it's not perfect. If it's not meant to be, you should move on.

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Don't be annoying. No one likes annoying people.

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