It’s heartbreaking to watch someone you know go through a deep loss. You want to say something, but how can you express your sympathy without coming across as insensitive or cliche? There’s no need to worry. With condolences, your goal isn’t to “fix” the person’s problem and make them feel better–instead, your priority is to just offer support and solidarity. We’ve put together a selection of tasteful suggestions to help you express sympathy during a person’s time of need.

Things You Should Know

  • You don't need to overthink it; there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm so sorry about what happened," or, "I love you, and you should know I'm here if you need anything."
  • So long as you’re empathetic, honest, and genuine, people will appreciate your sympathy.
  • It’s perfectly fine to not know exactly what to say and then say so; sometimes there isn’t anything to actually say in the wake of a serious loss.
1

“I’m so sorry to hear about what happened.”

  1. There’s nothing wrong or cliche with saying “I’m sorry.” At the end of the day, there’s nothing that you can say or do that will erase the pain and grief that someone else is going through. You can, however, remind someone that you care about and are thinking of them during a difficult time.[1] You could say:
    • “I just heard about Liz–I’m so very sorry for your loss.”
    • “I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother.”
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2

“My deepest sympathies are with you during this time.”

  1. This is a good option if you don’t know the other person well. Even if you aren’t close, this is a helpful, compassionate way to acknowledge the depth of pain that the other person is going through.[2] Here are a few other examples:
    • “I’m so, so sorry to hear about little Jack. My deepest sympathies are with you and your partner.”
    • “Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your wife. I’m sending you much love during this difficult time.”
    • “I’m so sorry about what happened to your friend. Please accept my deepest sympathies during this sad time.”
    • “I was so sad to hear about your brother. Please accept my deepest condolences.”
5

“Wishing you all the comfort and peace in the world.”

  1. This is a kind way to comfort someone without assuming their pain. Grief really varies from person to person, and it’s impossible to know what a grieving person is going through at any given moment.[5] Instead of guessing what they’re feeling, simply wish them lots of peace and comfort during this tumultuous time.[6] Here are some other things you might say:
    • “May you be comforted and at peace during this difficult time.”
    • “Wishing you plenty of comfort and peacefulness for now and for always.”
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6

“I’ll really miss them.”

8

“I know how much they meant to you.”

  1. Don’t treat the person’s loss like an elephant in the room. It’s more than okay to mention the deceased individual directly.[9] Saying something like “I know how much they meant to you” or “I know how much you cared about him” is extremely validating, and really helps put you in the other person’s shoes.[10]
    • “I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. I know how much they meant to you.”
    • “I’m thinking about you and sending you good vibes on this difficult day. I know how close you were with your sister.”
10

“No words can describe how heartbroken I am.”

  1. It's better to be honest than share hollow-sounding words. As expansive as the English language is, there are no words that can truly scratch the surface of a person’s grief or sorrow.[12] It’s okay to acknowledge that; in fact, the grieving individual will appreciate your honesty and the fact that you aren’t trying to make them feel better.
    • “I was devastated to hear about your pregnancy, Lauren. No words can describe how heartbroken I am.”
    • “I know how close you and your grandmother were. There are no words that can describe how heartbroken I am right now.”
    • “I was so sorry to hear about Matthew’s passing. No words can describe how heartbroken I am for you and your kids.”
11

“I can only imagine what you’re going through.”

12

“I’m here if you need a listening ear.”

  1. Just being there is the greatest support you can offer. A grieving individual probably has a lot on their mind, and they may not know the best way to express themselves. Offering a listening ear gives them the opportunity to vent their feelings in a safe, healthy way.[14] Here’s what you could say:
    • “I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I’m always here if you want to talk.”
    • “I love you so much. I’m only a phone call or text away if you need a listening ear.”
    • “My door is always open if you ever want to vent.”
13

“Please know that I’m here to help. I can…”

  1. Offer some specific ways that you could help the grieving individual. Chances are, they’ve already gotten countless, vague gestures of help and support. Instead, list different ways that you’d like to help, and see how the person responds. You might say:[15]
    • “I made some extra lasagna last night. Would you like me to drop some by your place?”
    • “Feel free to sleep in tomorrow. I can drive the kids to school.”
    • “I can drop some groceries off later this week, if you’d like.”
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Warnings

  • Steer clear of comments like “This is part of God’s plan” or “They’re in heaven now.” These statements can seem really insensitive, especially if the person grieving isn’t religious.[16]
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About This Article

Nicole Moshfegh, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Nicole Moshfegh, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Dr. Nicole Moshfegh is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Author based in Los Angeles, California. Dr. Moshfegh specializes in multicultural competence and treating patients with mood and anxiety disorders and insomnia. She holds a BA in Psychology and Social Behavior from The University of California, Irvine (UCI), and an MA and Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Pepperdine University. Dr. Moshfegh completed her predoctoral internship and postdoctoral fellowship at The University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). Additionally, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, National Register of Health Service Psychologists, Los Angeles County Psychological Association, and Collaborative Family Healthcare Association. Dr. Moshfegh is also the best-selling author of "The Book of Sleep: 75 Strategies to Relieve Insomnia". This article has been viewed 85,697 times.
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Co-authors: 20
Updated: October 25, 2022
Views: 85,697
Categories: Emotions and Feelings
Article SummaryX

If you want to express sympathy, try to acknowledge the person’s pain by saying something like, “I can see you’re hurt. Do you want to talk?”. If they do, listen to their perspective and try to understand how they feel. Give them your full attention by putting your phone away, making eye contact, and nodding to show you understand. Refrain from giving them advice or telling them things will be okay, since they probably don't want to hear this. In addition to listening to them, you can also offer your assistance with things like watching their kids or cooking for them. Sometimes helping with simple, every day things can relieve a lot of the stress they're feeling. You can also offer the person a hug or touch their arm, if you think it would be welcome. Another thing you can do is bring them a gift, like flowers or a card, to show that you’re thinking about them. For more tips from our Counselor co-author, including how to continue to express your sympathy as time goes on, read on!

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