How to Deal with Good Friends Getting Mad at You

Last Updated: January 12, 2023 References

You may have no trouble arguing with your parents about curfew or fighting with your siblings about borrowing your stuff. But fighting with your best pals can be uncomfortable. Friends are the people you lean on for everything, and it's no fun when they are mad at you. The best way to deal with a fight between friends is to talk it out. Then, find ways to make amends and help your friendship bounce back stronger than ever.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Hearing Them Out

1
Ask your friends to meet up. Choose a place where you can talk uninterrupted. To keep tempers and voices down, it may be a good idea to meet in a public place such as a coffee shop or restaurant. Let them know the reason you're asking them to meet.
- For instance, you might say, “We really need to talk about what happened the other day. Can we get together tomorrow after class?”
2
Give them a chance to share their feelings. It's unfair to try to jump straight into the resolution phase if your friends haven't said their piece. Grant them the opportunity to vent their frustrations and explain what you did to make them so mad. Use this as a learning experience to help you sidestep similar issues in the future.^{[1]
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3
Listen and stay calm. It can be tough to listen to someone spell out your wrongdoing, even when it's true. However, the key is to not get defensive or angry here. Interrupting, excusing, or defending will only make matters worse. It's important to remember that when someone says you've hurt them, you don't get to say that you didn't. So, hear them out.^{[2]
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4
Try to step into their shoes. Aim for empathy by trying to separate the current situation from how you view yourself as a person. Take a moment to step out of your own point-of-view and into your friend's. Chances are, what they are saying may have some truth to it.^{[3]
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- As you listen to your friends say all that they are upset about, try to step into their shoes. How would you feel if the same thing had been done to you?
5
Validate how they feel. Once they've stated their grievances, try to validate their feelings. This helps mend fences by showing that they are not crazy for feeling the way they do. Let them know that their reaction makes sense to you and that they are right to be angry.^{[4]
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- You might say something like, “You know, I can see why you're angry”, or “I can see that I really hurt your feelings.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Making Amends

1
Apologize and admit it if you were wrong. Only after validating your friend's experience and feelings should you move into making amends. Tell them you're sorry and ask for their forgiveness.^{[5]
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- Say, “I'm really sorry I embarrassed you. Can you forgive me?”
- The apology is most likely to be successful if you speak in a soft and sincere tone of voice, and make eye contact the whole time.
- Only apologize if you feel like you were actually wrong. Otherwise, your apology will be insincere.
2
Give them some space. In some cases, your friends may need a little time before they can completely mend fences with you. Don't jump the gun and expect that things will be back to normal simply because you apologized. Let them have some time to get over the situation so that you can start fresh.^{[6]
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- If the situation happens to be a misunderstanding in which you didn't do anything wrong, time apart may help both sides to see the situation more clearly. That way, you can move past it more easily.
3
Ask what you can do to make it better. Go to your friends and see how you can resolve the situation so that your relationships don't suffer. Be open-minded about what they may suggest. Also, be willing to put in some effort and meet their demands.^{[7]
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- For example, if you told a secret, your friend may request that you never do that again. They may also ask that you earn their trust again by showing that you are loyal.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Strengthening the Relationship

1
Address the problems that caused the rift. Simply asking what you can do to make things better is only half of the solution. You also have to follow through. If you want the friendship, commit to making changes within yourself to prevent similar problems from occurring in the future.^{[8]
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- For instance, if your friends were angry because you stood them up to hang out with your girlfriend, let them know that it won't happen again. It may help to set aside special times or days to hang out with friends or hang out with your partner.
2
Let them know how important they are to you. If you have betrayed, hurt, or humiliated a friend, they may need reassuring that you still care for them. Remind your friend that you still love them and that they are important to you. Don't grovel or overdo it, though—this may come off as insincere.
- You might say, “We all have been friends since third grade. I love you guys and I can't imagine my life without you.”
- You might also do something nice for them, like make a card or buy friendship bracelets.^{[9]
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3
Spend quality time together. The best way to strengthen the bonds of friendship is by spending quality time together. Prioritize hanging out and chatting with your buddies over the next few days and weeks. This shows them that you are making an effort. Spending quality time also backs up your claim that the friendship is important.^{[10]
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4
Realize that conflict makes you stronger. Many people avoid conflict with those they care about because it is painful. However, fights between friends help you recognize areas where you need to grow. Plus, making up often helps you remember why you care about one another in the first place.^{[11]
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- Conflict may be useful for growth, but friends shouldn't always be fighting. Be wary of friends who are always starting fights or always blaming you for something. Arguments can also be a way to manipulate friends.
- Remember to offer balance during conflicts. Listen to the other person's concerns and validate them. This will encourage more constructive dialogue. Also be aware of when it is time to move forward and leave a problem in the past.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What do you do when your boyfriend is mad at you?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

If your boyfriend is mad at you, you can ask if he wants to talk about it now or maybe later. Don't stay on him about it; often letting a little time pass can help. You can also reflect and ask yourself if you did anything to set it into motion. But don't take on any blame or responsibility if it is not yours!
Question

How do you calm an angry person down?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

You can calm down an angry person by suggesting a non-alcoholic beverage or a short walk. Try repeating something like, "Just relax and take a few deep breaths; we will sort this out."
Question

What do you do when you're angry at someone?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

When you are angry at someone it is best to take some time before confronting them or talking to them. Compose yourself first by either some relaxation techniques or deep breathing or exercise. And when you do approach them, try to begin with "I" statements rather than blaming them.