How to Deal With Psychic Vampires

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: December 7, 2022 Approved

Psychic vampires, also known as energy vampires, are emotionally immature individuals who drain the time and energy from those around them. They are usually highly self-interested and lack empathy. The relationships they form are largely self serving. You can deal with psychic vampires by identifying psychic vampires in your life, setting firm boundaries with these people, and working on your own sense of self esteem and self worth.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Identifying A Psychic Vampire

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Familiarize yourself with the various types of psychic vampires. Psychic vampires come in a variety of forms. Relationships that drain our energy can manifest in a variety of personality types. Recognize the various forms psychic vampires can take.
- Narcissistic psychic vampires have grandiose senses of self importance and entitlement. They tend to lack empathy and become withholding or cold if you don't do things their way. This is because they have little to no capacity for unconditional love.
- Victim vampires tend to see the world through the lens of "poor me." They believe the world is inherently against them and to blame for their unhappiness. They tend to drain energy by constantly complaining about problems but refusing to try any potential solutions you suggest. Alternatively, they may act as a martyr, claiming that they do things for others but are never appreciated.
- Controlling energy vampires have a need to control and manipulate your actions. They often invalidate your emotions in order to dominate you or put you down.^{[1]
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- Constant talking psychic vampires take over conversations by constantly sharing their own feelings and experiences without giving you an opportunity to contribute. They might also invade physical boundaries, moving in so close you can feel their breath on you.^{[2]
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- Drama queen psychic vampires drain energy by exaggerating small instances. Being late for a meeting is the end of the world, and they convey small matters in a way that over-inflates their own importance, for better or worse.^{[3]
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2
Evaluate your relationships. Take a minute to assess your relationship with potential psychic vampires. Question whether or not you feel drained by these people and whether the relationship is mutually beneficial.
- Are you mentally and physically exhausted after spending time with this person? Psychic vampires will leave you feeling deflated.
- Are you the type of person who has a strong capacity for empathy? Oftentimes, psychic vampires take advantage of those with a high emotional capacity as they take longer to get fed up. Are you the type of person who's accused of being too nice? Do you frequently find yourself in relationships that feel one-sided?
- If a relationship seems draining, question whether it's mutually beneficial for both parties. Psychic vampires thrive on one-sided friendships and romances. Think of the last time you were in emotional distress. Was this person there for you? Did he or she strive to listen or make the situation about themselves?
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3
Tune in to your own feelings. If you've encountered a psychic vampire, there are physical and emotional side effects. You might have a relationship with an energy vampire if you display any of the following symptoms:
- Heavy eyelids and an increased need for sleep
- Decreasing levels of self-confidence or self-esteem
- Questioning your choices, feelings, and behaviors
- Low mood
- Desire to binge eat carbs and other comfort foods
- Feelings of anxiety, depression, and negativity
- You feel put down frequently^{[4]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Shutting Out Psychic Vampires

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Set firm boundaries. The first step to dealing with a psychic vampire is by setting firm boundaries. If psychic vampires realize you have limits, they'll back off from you and search for other victims.
- Be very clear about what you can and cannot do for this person. Explain, in no uncertain terms, what amount of your time, space, and energy is reasonable and what is not. Try saying something like, "I am perfectly happy to talk with you about your problems, but when you refuse to listen to any possible solutions or let me help you feel better I need to step away."^{[5]
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- Try to set boundaries on your own end, especially if you're dealing with a narcissistic psychic vampire. Try to remind yourself you should not fall in love or form a strong friendship with a person of this emotional capacity. It is not possible for them to love you back.^{[6]
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- Body language helps as well. If a psychic vampire tries to break boundaries, cross your arms and break eye contact. This sends a signal - "Back off, I can't deal with this today."^{[7]
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Step back if you feel controlled. Psychic vampires thrive on controlling others. If you feel like your time and space is being controlled by another person, take a step back from the relationship.
- If a psychic vampire is trying to control you or offering unsolicited advice, cut them off with a firm declaration that you do not need their advice. Try something like, "I appreciate you offering advice, but I need to work through this on my own."^{[8]
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- People often internalize criticism from psychic vampires. You end up with an inner critic, just as harsh as the psychic vampire. Work to shut down the voice inside yourself that tells you you're incapable of making your own decisions. If you find yourself putting yourself down, pause and think, "That's negative and unnecessary."^{[9]
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Stay away from psychic vampires. After a certain point, you might have to break off the relationship or at least lessen the bond. If a psychic vampire continues to violate boundaries and demand too much of your time and emotional energy, you need to work on keeping your distance. Don't return texts or phone calls and limit the time you spend with this person.^{[10]
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Practice deep breathing. It can be stressful and exhausting to deal with a psychic vampire. Deep breathing can help you relax, restoring some sense of calm, and can also be an invigorating activity.
- Throughout the day, place your hand on your lower stomach and breathe in. Inhale in such a way that your hand on your stomach rises as your diaphragm expands. Hold for three counts, and then exhale.^{[11]
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- Deep breathing can be a meditative practice. It slows down your thoughts and provides your brain with needed oxygen. This can boost your energy if it's been diminished by a psychic vampire.^{[12]
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Keep up with your self care. Take care of your body and mind by maintaining healthy eating, exercising, and personal care habits. Spend time with people you care about, as well as your pets. Treat yourself to a bath, cup of tea, or time spent on your hobby.
- Eat a healthy, balanced diet consisting of plenty of vegetables, lean proteins, and complex carbs.
- Choose an exercise you enjoy, such as walking, dancing, yoga, or bicycling.
- Do something nice for yourself every day.
- If the psychic vampire has done damage, talk out your feelings with someone you trust or work with a therapist.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Working on Yourself

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See a therapist. Many people who end up in relationships with psychic vampires have underlying issues with self esteem. Seeing a qualified therapist can help if you have problems with your emotions, feelings, and interactions with other people. You can find a therapist by asking your doctor for a referral, seeing what is covered by your insurance provider, or seeking free counseling from your college or university if you are a student.
2
Get to know yourself. Oftentimes, we make ourselves susceptible to psychic vampires because we do not know ourselves. Spending time getting to know your own needs and wants can help you keep psychic vampires away.
- Journaling can help you become acquainted with yourself. Write down your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. Choose a time, like in the morning or shortly before bed, to record your emotions.
- Spend time alone. Work on making a conscious effort to spend time alone. You'll be forced to consider yourself and your emotions if you choose to spend a few nights a week by yourself.
- Consider whether you're a people pleaser. If you're unwilling to say "no" and afraid of letting someone down, this is bait for psychic vampires. Try to move away from people pleasing tendencies to lessen the hold psychic vampires have on you.
3
Engage in energy building activities. Being high energy and confident can put off energy vampires. Work on engaging in activities that will boost your energy and self esteem. You can try some of the following:
- Regular exercise
- Team sports
- Yoga
- Pilates
- Karate or other self defense courses
- Swimming
- Kayaking
- Outdoor sports

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I protect my husband from a female spiritual vampire?

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS
Professional Counselor
Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

The best thing to do in this type of situation is to break off contact. Encourage your husband to stop spending time with this woman. If framing the situation as a psychic vampire doesn't work, ask him to stop seeing her to honor your marriage. Prolonged contact between them will strain your marriage, if it hasn't already.