How to Create Your Ideal Relationship

Co-authored by Zach Pontrello

Last Updated: September 23, 2022 References

Meaningful relationships make life more enjoyable. But these kinds of relationships, especially romantic ones, take a lot of time and energy to nurture and maintain. In order to attract an ideal mate, you’ll need to spend some time preparing yourself to make sure you’re ready to be in a relationship with a new person. You should also practice being more patient and understanding with others in your life so that these skills can translate into your new relationship. Creating an ideal relationship can be a lifelong journey, but by committing to your future and treating your partner with love and respect, you can be well on your way to creating a relationship that is ideal for you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Readying Yourself for Future Relationships

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Define what an ideal relationship means to you. Be really honest with yourself regarding what you want. Consider what you want out of a relationship and try to come up with some specific characteristics of your ideal partner. No relationship is perfect, but taking some time to think about what you want out of your relationship can help you move forward in creating an ideal one. An ideal relationship is one that can keep itself strong even after having ups and downs. People in ideal relationships work hard to communicate and avoid misunderstandings.^{[1]
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- As you set out to create your ideal relationship, make sure you consider what you want from it. If you are looking for stability and security, search for a partner with those traits. If you want attention and affection, look for someone who gives you that. Be clear with yourself about what you want from the beginning.
- Take time to get to know yourself to learn more about what you want from a relationship. Ask yourself questions such as, "Do I like me? Are there things I don't like about myself that I would like to change? Are there qualities in others that will enlighten the qualities within myself? Do I like myself enough to even be fully invested in providing the quality of attention that my significant other may need?"
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Let go of the past. Often, one of the biggest things that can get in the way of your future happiness is your past and any hurt you might hold onto from past experiences. In order to move forward in your life, you need to work on forgiving those who wronged you and let go of anything you may be struggling with from your past. Creating an ideal relationship requires commitment to the possibilities of the future, not bitterness about the past.
- This doesn’t mean that you should forget everything that ever happened to you. Rather, work on learning from your past experiences and moving forward. Recovering from a breakup is a process with ups and downs. Learn and move forward, but be patient with yourself.
- For example, think about your past relationships and why they didn’t work out. If there is something about your former partners’ characters that influenced the failure of the relationship, keep these qualities in mind as things to avoid when searching for a new partner.
- As you reflect on past relationships to identify "failures" and why you are no longer with the individual, think about what you have learned from that experience. Ask yourself questions like, “What did I learn and take away from my past experiences? What has changed that may make a new relationship better?”
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Be positive. No one wants to be around someone who is grumpy or pessimistic all the time. Optimism attracts more optimism. If you want to find an ideal relationship, try to picture the future as full of opportunities.^{[2]
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- Be aware when you and/or your partner may be having a bad day. Be willing to forgive and allow for a pessimistic day if needed. Just avoid letting this happen every day.
- Don’t feel like you need a relationship to be happy. Try to love yourself and recognize your good qualities. Nobody is perfect, but being positive about yourself and your life will be attractive to potential partners.
- For example, if it is in your nature to be impatient with people, try to practice being more patient. Maybe you could babysit for a friend. Kids are notorious for trying the patience of adults, but it’s hard to stay upset at children. So this is a good way to practice being more patient. Try meditating for 10 to 15 minutes each day to focus your attention inward. This may help to keep you from focusing too much on what your partner is doing.
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Work towards positive change in your life. Everyone has faults – there are no exceptions. Often, these character quirks are what make people lovable and memorable. Your family and friends should love you in spite of your flaws, but there may be some things you need to work on in order to attract your ideal partner.
- Of course you shouldn’t change yourself for someone else, unless it is a positive change that you want to make for yourself.
- This includes things like kicking bad habits (smoking, gambling, drinking, etc.), getting into better physical shape (not just improving your physical appearance, but your overall health and wellbeing), or becoming more focused and dedicated to your professional work.
- Remember that nobody is perfect, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Feel free to accept yourself for who you are, but consider trying to improve some of your negative qualities.^{[3]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Treating Your Partner Well

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State clearly to your partner what you are looking for in a relationship. Everybody has different needs and desires, and you'll be more likely to get to your ideal relationship if you clearly say what you are looking for. For instance, if you know you want a long-term commitment, tell potential partners that. If you want daily communication, be up-front about it so that your partner can see if they are on the same page. If your ideal relationship involves only seeing each other occasionally, then tell your partner that.
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Trust your partner. No true relationship can thrive without trust. If you want to create your ideal relationship, you’ll need to start the journey with someone you can trust and show them that you trust them on a daily basis. Trusting your partner means giving them the benefit of the doubt instead of always jumping to conclusions. Trust that your partner has your best interest at heart until they show you otherwise.^{[4]
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- A trustworthy partner should be reliable, faithful, and honest with you. In return, you should exhibit those same qualities toward your partner.
- Don’t act suspicious or jealous. Avoid snooping through your partner’s phone or checking their email.
- Remember that you need to be trustworthy yourself if you want to attract a trustworthy partner. Practice being trustworthy on a daily basis – with all of the people in your life, not just the person you’re in a relationship with.
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Be patient with your partner. That is one of the most important things to remember in an ideal relationship. To feel really loved and respected, most people need to feel that their partner gives them the patience they think they deserve. This is a relative term based on each person’s experience, but things can be handled and solved much more easily by displaying a little patience.^{[5]
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- Have patience if your partner is not able to spend much time with you during a particularly stressful period at work.
- Try to keep yourself calm while having arguments. This will help your partner see that you are trying to be patient with them.
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Show your partner love and appreciation. The most amazing gift on earth is to love someone and to be loved back. But you really can't get love unless you give it sincerely to your partner. If it applies to you and your ideal relationship, show your partner that you care about them unconditionally and make this the foundation of your relationship. This will help you create an ideal relationship.^{[6]
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- It’s important to tell your partner that you love them, but you also need to show your partner love through your actions. Do things just to make your partner happy even if it is something you don’t enjoy. Spend quality time with your partner and support them in their decisions.
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Be genuine. Show your partner the real you. This means always being honest about who you are, what you like to do, and what you want in life. If you give your partner a false idea about what kind of person you are, then your relationship will be based on this façade instead of who you really are as a person.^{[7]
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- Talk with your partner about your beliefs, your aspirations, your life goals, and your expectations. Be clear about what you want so you can determine whether or not the two of you are on the same page. Also, keep in mind that people change over time, so you and your partner may develop new beliefs, goals, aspirations, and expectations over the course of your relationship.
- Don’t try to imitate other couples that you see. Every couple is different and the way they interact might not work for you. Don’t compare your ideal relationship with someone else’s.
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Surprise your partner. Relationships require time and energy. Try to switch it up a bit and surprise your partner every once in a while. This could mean doing something sweet to break the routine or coming up with a grand gesture to show them how much you care.^{[8]
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- Try giving your partner flowers or cooking breakfast for them in the morning. You could also plan a special date or a trip away for just the two of you.
- Make sure to give your partner space as well and do not try to spend every waking moment with them. Allow each other to be individuals.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Maintaining Your Ideal Relationship

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Develop new relationship behaviors. One of the most beautiful things about being in a relationship is creating special routines and inside jokes that only the two of you share. These intimate shared behaviors help create a stronger bond in an ideal relationship.^{[9]
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- Create a special morning ritual that you always do when you wake up. Or come up with cute pet names for each other.
- This also means that you shouldn’t rely on your relationship behaviors from the past, especially if they clearly didn’t work out the last time. Be open to new habits and discoveries. For example, try to work on communicating your emotional wants and needs to your partner more effectively, especially if communication was a problem for you in past relationships.
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Communicate clearly. Being able to effectively convey your feelings to your partner is an important part of being in a relationship. Your partner isn’t able to read your mind, so you’ll need to work on talking to them about what you think and how you feel.^{[10]
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- Work on talking things out, even when you’re upset at one another. Talking about your feelings can help you resolve fights and avoid future problems.
- For example, try saying things like, “When you cancel our plans, it makes me feel like I’m not a priority in your life.” Or you could say, “I have been feeling a little depressed about my work situation lately, so I would really appreciate it if you could be understanding about that and help cheer me up.”
- Keep in mind that while it is good to be insistent to fully express your wants, needs, and desires in any relationship, be mindful of considering your partner’s needs, wants, and desires also. If you push too hard to express what you want in a relationship, it might have the opposite effect and push your partner away.
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Handle disputes fairly. If you disagree about something, try not to get too upset about it. It might help you to take a moment to calm down before you start discussing the problem if you are both angry. Let yourselves cool down a bit and then try to talk calmly about the situation.^{[11]
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Research source} Keep in mind that your partner may need more or less time than you to feel ready to return to the discussion. Try to respect their needs and honor your own as well.
- Give your partner a chance to tell their side of the story and really listen to what they have to say. Try to see the problem from their point of view so that you can come to a compromise to resolve the problem.
- For example, try saying something like, “I don’t understand why you are so upset about this. Can you explain it to me again?” Or you could say, “I feel like you’re not listening to my side of the story. Would you please let me explain myself more clearly?” Make sure that you allow your partner to verbalize their perspective too.
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Keep your promises. Your partner needs to be able to trust you completely in order to maintain an ideal relationship. Because of this, it’s crucial that you always stay true to your word and keep any promises you make to your partner.^{[12]
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- Don’t make promises you aren’t sure you can keep. It’s better to avoid a potential situation in the future where you might have to take back something you said.