How to Heal After a Breakup: 14 Ways to Control Your Feelings

Last Updated: August 28, 2022 References

There’s no way around it: breakups suck. You may find yourself struggling to control your emotions, and that’s totally normal. The good news is there are actually things you can do to help yourself manage those negative feelings. To help you do it, we’ve put together a list of tips and strategies that you can use to find a way to cope with your feelings while you heal following a breakup.

1

Find a way to quickly relieve your stress.

It can help if your feelings start to get the better of you. There are a variety of techniques you can use to ease your stress such as talking to a trusted friend, exercising, yoga, and meditation. You could even squeeze a stress ball. Find an activity that works for you and if you ever find yourself struggling to cope with feelings of sadness or anger, turn to your stress-reliever.^{[1]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Deep breathing exercises can be helpful for some people as well.
- For instance, if you have a sudden memory of your ex, and it starts to get you really down, you could call a close friend or try meditating to relax your mind and regain control over your feelings.

2

Use a mantra when you’re overwhelmed.

Repeat it over and over until you’re able to control your emotions. A mantra is just a word or phrase that you can use to calm yourself down. Come up with a mantra that resonates with you and try using it whenever you feel like your emotions are getting out of control. It may help you regain control.^{[2]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- For instance, you could try “This too shall pass” or “I can do this” or “I am calm.”
- Try coming up with your own mantra! It can be anything you like. Just make it short and snappy so you can say it over and over.

3

Swear it out, literally.

Studies have shown that cursing can actually relieve pain and stress. Breakups can be really tough and stressful, so let out some steam to relieve the pressure. Curse out your ex by screaming it, speaking it, or even whispering it. You may find that it makes you feel better and allows you to keep a better handle on your emotions.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- It doesn’t have to be vulgar! You can try, “Screw her!” or “Forget him!”

4

Take a timeout if you feel overwhelmed.

Give yourself a 90-second break if your emotions get the better of you. It’s totally okay to get worked up after a breakup. Sometimes a song, food, or a memory can trigger your emotions. When that happens, stop what you’re doing, set a timer, and focus on your breathing. It may make you feel better and help you control your emotions.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- It doesn’t have to be too long! Just a minute and a half can make a huge difference.

5

Do things that naturally boost your mood.

You can actually increase your serotonin and dopamine. Those are the neurotransmitters that can make you feel happier and give you more control over your emotions and feelings. Get some daily exercise and eat a proper diet with plenty of lean proteins, healthy fats, and lots of veggies. You can also get more sunshine and try to smile more often, both of which may actually boost your mood.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Try to get at least 15-30 minutes of exercise a day. It doesn’t have to be anything major if you don’t. Go for a nice walk, jog, or bike ride to get some fresh air.

6

Get back into activities you used to enjoy.

Do things that make you happy and make you feel good. If you’ve been feeling down following your breakup, chances are you haven’t felt like doing some of your usual activities. While it’s okay to be upset, try to make an effort to pick up a hobby or activity that you like doing. It can give you something else to focus on and make you feel happier, both of which can help you control your negative feelings.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- For instance, if you really like playing music, but you haven’t done it since your breakup, grab an instrument and give it a shot.
- You can also try something new. If you’ve always wanted to try yoga, rock climbing, or surfing, go for it!

7

Distance yourself from your ex.

It’ll help you heal and control your emotions. The truth is you can’t truly move on until you’ve cut your ex out of your life. Seeing them and being reminded of them can trigger a negative emotional response, which could make it tough to control your feelings. Don’t take their calls, respond to their messages, or reach out to them. You may also want to remove them from your social media so you don’t have to see them every day. Do whatever it takes to give yourself space away from them.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- If it helps, you can even change your phone number.
- You can also completely block your ex on social media and block their number from being able to contact you.

8

Think about the ways you’re better off without them.

Find both little and big ways your life can now be better. If you find yourself feeling down and out after your breakup, try to find the positives. Consider all of the things you’re now free to do because you’re single. You have much more time to focus on yourself and the things you want to do. It can make you feel more hopeful and happy about the future.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- For instance, if you always wanted to take a road trip across the country, but your ex was holding you back from it, well, they aren’t any more!
- You also have more time to try something new. You could learn a new language, take a cooking class, or think about moving somewhere else if you want to.
- Don’t forget the fact that now you’re free to hang out with whoever you want. It could be your friends, your family, or maybe even someone new that you meet.

9

Allow yourself to feel upset.

It’s okay to feel sad, angry, tired, or confused. Controlling your emotions doesn’t mean you don’t have any at all! It just means you don’t let them get the best of you. Let yourself get mad. Let yourself be upset. You just went through a breakup, and you are allowed to feel things about it. In fact, burying or ignoring your emotions could end up making things worse. By giving yourself time to process your feelings, it can make it easier for you to control them as you move on after your breakup.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}^{[10]
X
Research source
[v160969_b01]. 11 April 2019.}^{[11]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you find yourself getting sad, it’s okay to cry it out. If you get angry, it’s okay to curse and shout into a pillow if it helps. Your feelings are valid.

10

Keep in mind that grief is a necessary part of healing.

It’s a totally normal and natural reaction to loss. Part of a breakup (one of the worst parts) is the fact that you’re losing someone you once cared about. Realize that everything you’re feeling is actually a normal response. Give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship.^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.} Don’t try carry on like nothing is happening. If you ignore your feelings, they could eventually overwhelm you.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- You don’t have to make plans with other people or force yourself to go out and do things. It’s perfectly okay to sit at home and take some time to yourself.

11

Give yourself permission to be less productive or caring.

Take it easy on yourself for a little while after your breakup. The time period following a breakup can be especially tough. You may feel like you have less energy and like you don’t care for other people as much. It’s actually normal to feel that way, and you should give yourself a bit of a break. Allow yourself to function at a less-than-ideal level for a time. If you try to push yourself to be productive, it could backfire and you may lose control of your emotions.^{[14]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- For instance, you can do what you need to do to get by at work, but you may want to hold off on taking on any major projects or new assignments until you’ve recovered from your breakup.
- Take the time you need to recover and you’ll get a better handle on your feelings.

12

Talk to your friends and family.

Share your feelings with people who love and support you. Remember that you’re not alone. You have people who really do care for you and have your best interests at heart. If you’re struggling to control your feelings, talk to someone you trust about it. They may be able to give you some emotional support or advice that may help. They may also just be a great shoulder to cry on or a friendly listening ear, which can be all that you need sometimes.^{[15]
X
Research source
[v160969_b01]. 11 April 2019.}^{[16]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You can also talk to a counselor or therapist about it. They can give you tools that can help you deal with your emotions as you heal.^{[17]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}

13

Keep in mind that things will get better eventually.

You still have a future and you’ll move on from this. It may not seem like it now, but in time, the intensity of your emotions will start to settle down and you’ll be better able to control how you’re feeling. If you find yourself struggling, try to think about the fact that this is only a temporary state. It may help you feel a little bit better.^{[18]
X
Research source
[v160969_b01]. 11 April 2019.}^{[19]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}

14

Focus on loving yourself.

Tell yourself that you love and care for yourself. Seriously. Actually say it! It can help you feel better and master your feelings.^{[20]
X
Research source}
- You can try repeating it as a mantra and say, “I love myself, I love myself, I love myself.”
- You can also try reminding yourself whenever you have negative thoughts. Replace them by saying, “No, I love me. I’m going to be okay because I always have myself.”

Warnings

If you do find yourself really struggling to control your emotions and you think you might hurt yourself, reach out for help. Contact a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor. You don’t have to deal with your feelings on your own.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 4 Not Helpful 1