How to Chat Online

Co-authored by Scott Nelson, JD and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: April 2, 2022 References

Chatting online is a great way to connect with others and find an outlet when you need to talk. Thanks to the Internet, you can build a community of people who share your interests. Although chatting online is generally safe, you still need to be careful because there are predators out there. Fortunately, it’s simple and easy to have a fun, safe chat with someone online.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Choosing a Chat App or Chat Room

1
Use a messenger app to talk with friends and family. You have a lot of options for chatting online with people you know, most of which are free. Aside from email and text, you can use popular apps to chat via text or do a video chat. Invite your friends and family to join an app with you. Here are some apps you might try:^{[1]
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- Facebook messenger
- Whatsapp
- Skype
- Kik
- Snapchat
2
Enter a chat room if you want to meet new online friends. Chatting online is a great way to socialize from anywhere you can use your device. If you’re interested in talking to strangers, a chat room may be your best option since it’s easy to stay anonymous. Look for a chat room that’s intended for your age group or that fits your interests.^{[2]
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- Look for chat rooms through websites like chatblink.com, talkwithstranger.com, and wireclub.com. You can also do a simple Google search for the type of room you're looking for.
- For instance, you can find chat rooms for teens, college students, moms, dads, married people, singles, and everyone in between.
- If you want to meet people with common interests, you might look for a chat room targeted to crafters, news junkies, techies, or foodies. Search your interests to see what comes up!
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3
Use a random chat app to talk one-on-one with strangers. You can also meet strangers online using chat apps that match you with a random person. These types of apps are great if you prefer having one-on-one conversations but don’t have anyone to talk to at the moment. Decide if you want to talk via text or video app, then let the app match you with someone else who’s ready to talk.^{[3]
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- For example, you might try Chatroulette, Omegle, Telegram, Yahoo! Chat, Tinychat, and Spinchat.
- Be careful when using these apps, especially if you’re open to video chatting. Some people have bad intentions and may use the app to share graphic images.
4
Reach out to a helpline if you’re struggling with your mental health. Everyone goes through tough times, and sometimes your feelings can be overwhelming. Talking to someone can help you deal with your emotions or cope with a difficult time in life. Fortunately, you have a lot of options for chatting online if you want support. Reach out to a reputable chat line or join a mental health chat forum to get the assistance you need.^{[4]
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- You might visit safehelpline.org or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which also offers online chat.
- If you’re recovering from an addiction, you might join a chat for something like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or Gambler’s Anonymous.
5
Sign up for a dating app if you want to chat with potential partners. Dating apps allow you to chat with your potential matches, and they can be a great way to meet singles in your area. Download 1 or more dating apps and create a profile. When you get a match, message them or respond to their message to start a conversation.^{[5]
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- For instance, you might try Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, or Grindr.
- Mention something on their profile to get the conversation started. You might say, "I see that you like to go hiking. Which trail has been your favorite so far?"

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Having a Conversation

1
Greet the person or chat room when you enter the chat. Say a simple hello to let everyone know you’ve entered the chat and want to talk. Generally, people will respond with a greeting or welcome. Write something simple and concise so it’s easy for people to notice.^{[6]
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- In an individual chat, you might say something like, “Hello” or “How’s it going.”
- In a group chat, you might say “Hey, how is everyone” or "FierceBe@ar550 here to say 'Hi!'"
- If you're on a dating app, you might say, "Hey! I see you like taco trucks. Which one is your favorite?"
2
Introduce yourself without revealing any personal information. After you say “hello,” tell everyone a little about yourself. Each chat has its own format, so copy what everyone else is doing. Use your screen name or a nickname so your real identity is safe.^{[7]
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- If you're chatting one-on-one, you might say, "I'm an artist who goes by Weedzy."
- In a group chat, you might say, “I’m FierceBe@r550. I’m looking for other artists,” or “Call me B. This is my first chat.”
- You might be honest about who you are if you're chatting with a potential date. Say, "I'm Emily. I spend most of my time writing for the local paper but I play guitar on the weekends."
Variation: If you’re chatting with a friend or relative, you can likely skip this step. Also, you don’t need to keep your identity a secret from someone who knows you well in real life.
3
Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. Keeping a chat going can feel really hard, but questions can help. They give everyone something to talk about and show the people you’re chatting with that you want to learn about them. Type 1 question at a time and wait for people to respond before asking something else. Here are some questions you might ask:^{[8]
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- What hobbies do you enjoy?
- What instruments do you play?
- Which team sports have you played?
- Do you prefer the forest, mountains, or the ocean?
- Have you ever had a job?
- Where do you hope to travel to some day?
- What’s the coolest vacation you’ve ever taken?
- What are the last 3 shows you binge watched?
- Which bands are you listening to right now?
- Which movie character would you switch lives with?
- What is the last dream you remember?
4
Provide your own answers to keep the conversation interesting. Don’t just bombard the people you’re talking to with questions. After other people answer your questions, give your own response so they get to know you, as well. Additionally, answer any questions asked by others that you feel comfortable asking.^{[9]
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- You might say, “Those bands sound cool! I really like Billie Eilish and Panic! At the Disco,” or “If I could switch lives with a movie character, I’d pick Wonder Woman.”
5
Stick to topics you know the other person cares about. People are more likely to keep talking to you if you're discussing something that interests them. Limit your questions and comments to the other person's interests. Additionally, continue conversations started by the other person.^{[10]
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- If you're in a chat room, stick to the chat room's theme or target audience. For instance, if the chat room is intended for music lovers, only ask questions that are related to music. Similarly, if you're in a chat room for writers, stick to topics like writing tips, books, and story ideas.
6
Use a positive, upbeat tone so people like chatting with you. Generally, people are less likely to chat with you if you're being negative. If you keep things fun, the person you're chatting with will probably keep talking to you. Stick to fun, casual topics and keep your commentary light.^{[11]
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- For instance, you might talk about your weekend plans or favorite bands rather than a serious topic like politics or religion.
Variation: If you're chatting about mental health topics, it's okay to be honest about how you're feeling. These types of chat rooms are intended as a safe space to discuss topics like depression or anxiety, so don't feel like you have to hide your emotions.
7
Be careful what you say because it could be linked to you in real life. You can chat anonymously using some apps and chat rooms, but what you say may be traced back to you. Your IP address is recorded by most major websites and apps, so it’s possible for law enforcement to find you. Don’t discuss illegal activities or engage in cyber bullying just to be safe.^{[12]
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EXPERT TIP

Scott Nelson, JD
Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
Scott Nelson is a Police Sergeant with the Mountain View Police Department in California. He is also a practicing attorney for Goyette & Associates, Inc. where he represents public employees with a myriad of labor issues throughout the state. He has over 15 years of experience in law enforcement and specializes in digital forensics. Scott has received extensive training through the National Computer Forensics Institute and holds forensic certifications from Cellbrite, Blackbag, Axiom Forensics, and others. He earned a Master of Business Administration from the California State University Stanislaus and a Juris Doctorate from the Laurence Drivon School of Law.

Scott Nelson, JD
Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department

Our Expert Agrees: Remember that online chat rooms are similar to real life. You can't take back anything you say because other people could screenshot your messages or save them. Only send messages that you would be comfortable with saying out loud and in person.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Using Good Netiquette

1
Treat people with kindness and respect. When you’re behind the screen, it’s easy to forget that you’re talking to a real person who has feelings. Be nice to the people you meet online. Don’t engage in name calling or say things you know might be hurtful.^{[13]
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- You don’t know what someone may be going through. What you say might have harmful consequences for someone.
- If you wouldn’t want someone to say something to you, don’t say it to someone else.
2
Use normal capitalization because using all caps is considered shouting. When you’re in a chat, type like you would in an email. Capitalize the first word of a sentence and proper pronouns. However, never capitalize all of a post because people will read it like you’re shouting, which is considered rude.^{[14]
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- For example, “I came here to make friends,” sounds like a nice invitation for people to talk to you. On the other hand, “I CAME HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS,” will make people think you’re angry with them and feel disappointed in the chat.
3
Send 1-2 posts at a time rather than spamming the chat. Posting multiple comments, questions, or links all at one time is considered “spamming” a chat. This type of behavior is considered rude, so don't post multiple times before you get a response. Wait for a reply after you post before you say something else.^{[15]
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- If you post too much at once, it’s unlikely that people will read everything you wrote, so your ideas might get lost.
4
Send your messages at an appropriate time of day when applicable. When you're having a one-on-one chat, don't message them when you know they'll be sleeping or if you know it's a bad time for them. For instance, you might not message them during their workday if they're not allowed to use their phone. Only message them when you know they're open to chatting.
- Talk to the person you're chatting with to find out their personal preferences. You might say, "Let me know if you have any chat preferences, like when we can exchange messages. I don't want to accidentally message you at a bad time."
- You don't need to worry about this when you're using a chat room. Just talk to the other people who are in the chat room when you're online.
5
Block people who say hurtful or sexually suggestive things to you. Although you’ll likely have lots of nice conversations, some people may send you inappropriate messages. They might think it’s funny to be mean or cruel to people they don’t know. Similarly, they may use online chats to initiate sex talk. Don’t respond to what they say or try to defend yourself. Instead, automatically block them and move on to a new conversation.^{[16]
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- Don’t take these comments personally. You aren’t doing anything that makes you deserving of receiving an unwanted or inappropriate message. The person making the comments is the problem.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Chatting Safely

1
Pick a screen name that doesn't include your private information. Your screen name is your chance to have fun and show off your personality. However, it’s important to leave out details about yourself that might reveal who you really are. Don’t include your name, birth date, hometown, school information, or phone number. Instead, focus on an interest or something you like.^{[17]
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- You might pick something like Hikrgrrlxx, SewHppy999, or meowmeowpaw$.
Warning: It’s generally best to avoid using a sexually suggestive name because it could make you a target for harassment or inappropriate messages.
2
Don’t share any personal information that could be used to identify you. Online chatting is often safe, but there are still dangers when you’re using the Internet. Unfortunately, some people use online chat apps and chat rooms to trick and scam people. Protect yourself by keeping your true identity secret. Never share any details that someone could use to figure out who you are.^{[18]
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- For instance, don’t share your full name, birth date, city, address, school information, age, height, weight, phone number, or details about your family structure.
- If you do a video chat, remove any items from the background and area around you that could identify you. For instance, make sure there’s nothing with your name, school logo, or city name on it.
3
Keep your location and plans secret so people can’t find you. While you probably don’t need to be afraid, it’s possible that you’ll meet someone who has bad intentions. This person could try to find out where you are so they can come find you. Make sure you don’t share anything that has your location or where you’ll be at a later time. Additionally, use your privacy settings to turn off location services so an app can’t automatically ping your location.^{[19]
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- For instance, don’t tag your location in a photo or post a photo of you in front of something that will show where you are. Similarly, don’t say things like, “I’m about to go get tacos from the food truck on Main St., or I’m getting ready to go roller skating tonight.”
4
Be skeptical of how people present themselves online. You can be anyone online, and some people take this literally by creating a whole fake persona. Although this can be harmless, some people may use a fake persona to try to harm you. Keep in mind that people you meet online may not be who they say they are. Question what people tell you and use caution when opening up to someone who seems like a good confidant.^{[20]
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- For example, an adult may pose as a teen to talk to younger people. You might feel like you’ve met someone who has a lot in common with you, but in reality someone could be tricking you. This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with people, but be careful with what you try.
5
Use caution when meeting people you met online in person. You probably know that it’s dangerous to meet people you’ve met online. However, you may get to the point that you feel ready to meet someone who has become a good friend. If this is the case, play it safe by doing the following:^{[21]
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- Video chat before meeting them in person so you know they’re really who they say they are.
- Choose a well-lit, busy public place for your meeting.
- Tell family and friends you’re meeting someone you met online.
- Bring a trusted family member or friend with you.

Warnings

Don’t engage in illegal activities during a chat because you may get in trouble. Chats are often anonymous, but they’re also recorded and your computer’s IP address will be linked to what you say. Law enforcement may use this information to find you if you do something wrong.^{[22]
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