How to Break Up with Someone Using Style and Sensitivity

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus

Last Updated: June 6, 2022 References Approved

We all know breaking up is hard to do. But unless you're in one of the few teen romances turned happily-ever-after, breaking up is an unavoidable part of life. And while it's up to you to decide what your individual break up style is, if you want to avoid future bad relationship karma, you'll adopt a few breakup basics.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Picking the Right Time & Place

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Choose the right time. Avoid holidays and special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries at all costs.^{[1]
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Research source} Do you really want your ex remembering your insensitivity every time that day rolls around? No you don't.
- Statistics show that most students break up during summer break. For everyone else, Monday seems to be the most popular day of the week for breaking up.
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Pick an appropriate place.^{[2]
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Research source} The less public, the better. Don't do it in a place where the person on the receiving end isn't going to feel especially vulnerable. Avoid these break up locations at all costs:
- The office.
- At a wedding.
- In a car.
- At school.
- In a restaurant or nightclub.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Doing the Right Thing

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Do it in person.^{[3]
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Research source} If the relationship is relatively new, maybe you can get away with breaking up over the phone. Maybe. But come on, if you've been out on more than a handful of dates, isn't that kind of harsh? Do the right thing and end the relationship in person.
- Having one final talk together is a good way to bring closure to the relationship.^{[4]
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- As painful as it may be, a relationship-ending conversation might enable you to learn something about yourself and set the stage for something better in the future.
2
Don't lie.^{[5]
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Research source} You may try to be sparing their feelings, but it will blow up in your face when you're caught. You will be considered untrustworthy, and your reputation will falter. Your friends might back you up, but that doesn't mean the rest of the world will.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Avoiding Insensitivity

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Be honest but sensitive. No one likes to get dumped. But we at least appreciate the truth when it's over. Unless, of course, the truth is you've stopped finding them attractive, you've met someone better, or that you're just plain bored with the relationship.^{[6]
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- There's no point being negative. Try to exit with as much decorum as possible. Even if there's bad blood, always take the high road. You'll be glad you did.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Keeping Things Civil

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Keep your emotions in check.^{[7]
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Research source} Don't seem too happy about the break up: you'll come off as mean-spirited. Just be kind, caring, and considerate.
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Don't react. Some people don't handle rejection well. Some people yell, scream, or cry. But it doesn't mean you should react to their meltdown. Remember, rejection is tough. You've already got the status of being the dumper. If their tantrum escalates, get out of there! Don't wait around for the messy aftermath. Only try to ignore when the conversation is yelling and screaming, try to be and remain civil in all other situations. Be honest and sensitive and try to listen to their emotions and act upon them.
- Pause before reacting to the situation. You can end up saying things you may regret.^{[8]
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- Be mindful of your self-talk and how you treat yourself at that moment.^{[9]
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- It is through pausing and becoming aware that you can choose how you want to navigate those moments of pain and what is going to be the best way forward.^{[10]
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Additional Help

Breakup Opening Lines

Coping with Negative Reactions to a Breakup

Sample Ways to Get Over a Breakup

Warnings

Weigh in carefully on your decision to break up, without analyzing it to death. Is this really what your heart wants? You may not be able to reverse your decision once it's made, and you may burn bridges in the process.

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Keep yourself safe. If you are afraid of the person you are breaking up with, tell someone you trust, such as your parents, coworkers or friends. Don't put yourself in a dangerous position.

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Avoid cliches. If the person has heard it before, it may come off as insensitive.

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Never lie about the breakup reasons.

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Never tell a third party who is not extremely trustworthy or who is friendly with both partners that you are planning to break up with your relationship partner. If you want to break up with style, it is important that your partner hears it from you first.

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