How to Be Mysterious to a Guy

Co-authored by Nicole Moore

Last Updated: September 8, 2022 References

There's nothing more attractive than being mysterious. It engages the other person's curiosity and entices them to learn more about you. Find out how to appear mysterious to a guy, and how to cultivate and maintain mystery in a relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Part 1 of 3: Appearing Mysterious to a Guy

1
Have self-confidence. Having a strong sense of yourself, being secure and sincere in your interactions with others may not always be easy, but it is a very attractive quality. Self-confidence gives the impression that you are happy with yourself and do not need others to validate you.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
- Confidence is often communicated non-verbally. Stand up tall with your shoulders pulled back, don't slouch or bow your head. ^{[2]
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- Speak slowly and clearly. Speaking too quickly can indicate a lack of authority. Speaking slowly adds gravitas to what you say, making people think what you have to say is important.^{[3]
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Make eye contact. Catching his eye for just a few seconds is a great way to signal that you are interested in him.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} The key is to spark his curiosity without giving too much away.
- Remember to keep it subtle, staring at someone is not mysterious.^{[5]
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- The eyes are the most expressive part of the face.^{[6]
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  Research source} Be aware of the micro-expressions you make with your eyes, including sarcastic eye-rolling or scrunching up your eyes in disgust. Keep these to a minimum and you will appear mysterious and unreadable.
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3
Watch your body language. Maintain neutral, relaxed body language where possible. The goal is not to be completely expressionless and aloof, but to appear calm and self-possessed so that you leave people wanting to know more about your hidden depths.
- Arms and hands are important. Avoid fidgeting with your hands, which can convey anxiety, instead place them in a neutral, comfortable position.
- For example, if you are sitting, gently hold your hands in your lap. If standing, let your hands rest comfortably at your side.^{[7]
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- Don't be completely closed off, you will appear aloof rather than invitingly mysterious. For example, folding your arms, crossing your legs and turning your torso away from someone indicates that do not want to engage with them.^{[8]
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4
Hold back sometimes. A key way to create mystery is to hold back a little when it comes to social events.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} Try to strike a balance between creating meaningful relationships and being present, but avoiding becoming so familiar that your presence is appreciated less.^{[10]
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- Accept invitations when you want to, so that people can get to know you and enjoy your presence, but say no to a few as well. Give him a chance to miss you.
- Leave a party early. Be as fun as possible while you are there but leave early. Make it seem as if you have somewhere important to be, but don't reveal the details.^{[11]
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- Don't document everything on social media. Social media can be a fun and a great way to interact with people, but keeping certain things private will create a sense of mystery about you.
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Don't offer unnecessary explanation. When talking, don't give an excess of details or go off on a lengthy diversion.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} The trick to appearing mysterious is to give them just enough information that they want to know more!
- Give short, direct answers to questions but do not offer much detail. For example, when someone asks, "Are you from around here?" Answer simply, "No, I'm not."
- Answer in a friendly tone to intrigue them and invite more questions rather than appearing rude and abrupt.
- If you’re in a group don’t engage so much in the conversation, but rather stand there with a mysterious smile on your face.^{[13]
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  Nicole Moore
  Love & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.}
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Ask the other person questions about themselves. People generally enjoy talking about themselves and feeling like the other person is truly listening to them.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.} This is a great way to get to know him while maintaining your own aura of mystery.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Part 2 of 3: Being Unpredictable and Cultivating Mystery

1
Be open to adventures and new experiences. A certain amount of unpredictability is a fantastic way to cultivate mystery. Although being unpredictable can be negative at times, for example, if you are unreliable or flaky; spontaneous people, who are unpredictable in a positive way, are often intriguing and alluring.
- Start a dance party at an unlikely moment. It might feel silly at first but the more you do it the more comfortable you will feel.^{[15]
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- Go to a restaurant and order the craziest thing on the menu.
- Encourage others to join you in your spontaneous actions. Perhaps you will have a positive effect on them. At least they won't be bored!
2
Confound his expectations of you. Getting to know someone gives you an awareness of their habits and routines. While there is comfort in this, after a while it can make them appear boring and familiar, which is the opposite of mysterious. Mix it up every once in a while to keep him guessing about you.
- Suggest an activity he wouldn't think you'd enjoy. If you always appear professional and corporate, suggest rock climbing or go-karting. Show your playful side.
3
Make an unlikely quip or comment. This is particularly effective if you have been holding back and appearing mysterious in other forms of communication. A well-timed, witty aside shows people you have a sense of humor and they'll want to know more!
- Try to see the humor in unfortunate or absurd situations. Don't be offensive.
- Recognize that laughing is often a good way to deal with uncomfortable emotions.^{[16]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Part 3 of 3: Maintaining the Mystery While Dating

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Ditch the schedule. When we settle into relationships, often we become comfortable and establish a routine. This is part of a healthy relationship, but sometimes the mystery can slip away and you don't feel that sense of excitement we once did. ^{[17]
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Research source} There are benefits to stepping outside your comfort zone every once in a while, you'll cultivate mystery in your relationship and re-ignite that spark of curiosity.
- For example, turn off the TV and go out on a date. Pick something new that neither of you have tried before.
- Start a new hobby, find something that you both enjoy.
2
Surprise each other. Catch your partner off guard by doing something unexpected for them. Mix up the typical roles in your relationship.
- For example, if your partner has always asked you to go to drawing classes with them but you've always said no, say yes!
- Buy them a gift for no reason. You don't have to spend money, you can make something for them.
3
Keep some things private. The key is to balance feeling comfortable, secure and familiar with someone, whilst also keeping a sense of novelty and mystery in your relationship.
- For some people, keeping bodily functions and bathroom matters private is important. Consider how you feel about this, every relationship is different.^{[18]
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Spend some time apart. Relationship experts agree that it is healthy for a relationship and helps maintain that vital sense of mystery.^{[19]
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- Remember that you are two separate people with different interests and you don't need to do everything together.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be mysterious and seductive?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Flirting with your eyes is a great starting point! Look into the guy's eyes and smile for a second. Then, look away coolly or as if something else more interesting caught your attention. This may make the guy confused and intrigued, because he's going to wonder if you were flirting with him or if he just made it up in his head. Repeat this for a week and he'll definitely be more interested.
Question

How can I be seductive in body language?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Lean back and listen more than you talk in social interactions where he's around. Plant a quiet, almost smirking smile on your face when people are talking as if you have some secret inside joke that no one else is aware of. If you're in a group and he's there, don't engage so much in the conversation but rather stand there with this mysterious smile on your face while imagining that you're magnetically pulling his attention to you. Leave him wondering what's going on in your mind and what's behind that mysterious smile, because he can't figure it out if you're not saying much.
Question

How can I be mysterious to my crush?

Nicole Moore
Love & Relationship Coach
Nicole Moore is a Love and Relationship Coach and the Founder and CEO of Love Works Method, a private coaching and digital course service for women looking to find the right partner. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in body language and helping others take control of their dating life, attract a partner, and build a strong relationship. Nicole has been featured in numerous publications such as Cosmopolitan, Forbes, and USA Today. She also hosts Love Works with Nicole Moore, a podcast for modern women wanting love, dating, and relationship advice. Nicole holds a BA in Public Relations and Spanish from Syracuse University and a Certificate in Personal Coaching from New York University.

Nicole Moore

Love & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Bring up short, attention-provoking things to him! You might walk up to him and say something like "Hi! I saw you in my dream last night, and it was a good one." Then, just walk away—leave him wondering what happened in that dream. The fact that you walk away without sharing more will make you seem really cool and mysterious.

Warnings

Don't go over-the-top. Too much mystery can turn people off. You want to appear mysterious, yet friendly, not aloof.

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Introducing a little bit of mystery can be a great thing, but don't play games. Ultimately a happy relationship depends on you being yourself with the other person.

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