How to Be Elusive

Try the "less is more" approach. Though it might go against your instincts, your elusiveness rating might get a boost if you are intentionally indirect, incomplete, or vague in your conversations. You don't have to be withhold all the details from friends, classmates, and co-workers, but in a group setting people often imagine that other members are like themselves.^[2] Use this to your advantage by allowing your conversation partner's imagination to fill in the details they already expect. Some example questions and responses:

• Q: What did you do last night?
• A: Oh, the usual. You know me, I've always got something going on.
• Q: What are your plans for this weekend?
• A: Well, I was thinking about meeting up with some people downtown.

Learn the value of a raincheck. The key to this strategy is to accept the invitation, but not the occasion. Tell your friend or acquaintance that you'll gladly take them up on the offer some other time, but that you already have plans for the date mentioned. Be careful not to deny offers too frequently, or you might end up appearing cold or distant.^[3]

• It can help if you have some emergency chores or errands in reserve. This can also be a kinder way of postponing plans with somebody, as it is less direct (and cold) than a simple "no."
• When you are certain you don't want to be available and, instead, want to showcase your elusiveness, planned responses can be useful:
  • "I'd love to join, but I have plans already. How about next time?"
  • "I hate how busy I've been lately. I keep missing your parties. Next weekend I'm free if you are."
  • "You have no idea how much I'd rather be hanging with you, but something's come up and I have to take care of it."

Divide your attention. You might be thinking of dividing your attention between different people at a party, and that is a very effective strategy for amplifying your elusiveness.^[4] However, you can also use body language to indicate that there might be more on your mind than your current conversation.

• Look slightly upwards without completely breaking line of sight with your conversation partner to indicate distraction.
• Repeated actions, like tapping your toes or casually checking your watch, also serve as signs that you might have other factors to contend with.^[5] Try to use subtle gestures so that you don't end up upsetting anyone.

Associate yourself with high status. This doesn't mean you have to abandon your current group of friends for the popular group, but you might want to take some time to talk one-on-one with those who are well regarded in your community.^[6] This can give the impression that you are broadly connected, which only makes you more elusive.

• If asked about your relationship with high status members, be vague or hint at non-specifics. As an example:
  • A: Hey, what were you and the class president talking about the other day?
  • B: Nothing in particular, aside from what everyone is talking about. But I really don't want to continue that conversation here, so maybe we'll pick it up again later?

Use names sparingly. Language can sometimes have a strange effect on people, like making them unwilling to tear paper upon which the names of family members have been written. By withholding a name in conversation, you leave the subject you are talking about vague and uncertain, which by association, makes you more difficult to pin down. Practice using general forms of address:

• "I'll be downtown tonight with some people my cousin introduced me to."
• "So this guy I met through a friend of mine from way back said he had exactly the same problem as you."

Appreciate the difference between being elusive and being rude. The point in being elusive is to evade physical or mental capture, but rudeness is hurtful to others. If you turn down a person too often or randomly disappear when hanging out, your friends might interpret your behavior as insensitive or disrespectful. Remember that the bonds of family and friendship require time and effort on your part to be preserved.