How to Urinate in the Ocean Discreetly

Last Updated: September 7, 2022 References

Sometimes, the closest bathroom at the beach is too far away for you to reach in time. This leaves you little choice but to go right where you are. Beaches are public places and are often filled with people. Luckily, there are ways to go about your business discreetly so that no one will suspect. This article will show you how to do that.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Finding a Suitable Spot

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Make sure that there are no people close to you. If there are some swimmers close by, move away from them. Even if they don't see you do your business, they may feel the sudden warmth and become suspicious. Move to the left or right, instead of deeper into the ocean.
- Do not go so far away that you can no longer see or hear other people. You want to be within sight and hearing/shouting distance, in case something happens.^{[1]
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Stay away from clumps of seaweed and other marine plants. Lots of fish and other sea animals live there. Some of them could harm you, while others could be harmed by you.^{[2]
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Keep an eye out for other marine animals. The further away you go from other people, the more likely you are to come across some sea critters. Stay clear any marine life, including other fish, sharks, and jellyfish. You may hurt them, or they may hurt you.
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Avoid coral reefs. While urinating in the ocean can be beneficial to the marine plants, it can be harmful to coral reefs. Urine helps marine plants grow—including algae. This can result in algae growing out of control on a coral reef and blocking out the sunlight it needs. This could suffocate and kill the coral reef.^{[3]
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Stay away from piers and jetties. Try to keep a distance of at least 100 feet (30.48 meters) from these places. Both piers and jetties tend to be surrounded by rip currents, which are very dangerous.^{[4]
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- Rip currents are very strong ocean currents. They flow away from the shore.^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Urinating in Calm Waters

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Wade until you are waist-deep in the ocean. This will keep your private parts hidden from view.
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Turn to face the horizon and the incoming waves. Never turn your back on the ocean. Even if the water seems calm and the waves small, a large wave can come up suddenly.
- These sudden waves are known as rogue and sleeper waves. They can be very dangerous if they catch you unawares.^{[6]
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Keep your swimsuit on at all times. This is so that you do not expose yourself. Don't worry, everything will rinse off in the water.
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Place your feet so that they are shoulder-width apart. This will help everything flow out easier. Pretend that you are enjoying the nice view. This will help people from suspecting what you are up to.
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Know how to rinse off when you are done. There will still be some residue on you and your swimsuit. If you are wearing swim shorts, simply take hold of one of the legs and give them a little shake. If you are wearing a bikini or a one-piece swimsuit, take hold of the bottom part, right between the leg holes. Pull down on it for a moment, then let go.
- Be sure to wash your swimsuit using warm water and soap when you get home. This will prevent bad smells.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Urinating in Rough or Choppy Waters

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Go out no further than knee-deep. You want to be able to sit in the ocean without the water coming past your chest. Be sure to face the horizon and incoming waves.
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Turn to face the horizon and the incoming waves. Even if you are only knee-deep in the water, you still need to keep an eye out for waves. Small waves can suddenly turn into large waves.
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Keep your swimsuit on. Even if part of you is hidden in the water, it is still a good idea to keep your swimsuit on.
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Consider sitting down in the water. Make sure that your thighs are not touching. Lean back slightly, and support your weight on your palms. Pretend that you are enjoying the water. You should still be facing the horizon.
5
Try squatting instead. If you don't like the feeling of sand against your skin, you can try squatting or crouching instead. You may need to go a little bit deeper into the ocean for this. Do not go so deep that the water goes past your chest. Act like you are taking a rest, or people may begin to suspect.
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Wait for a few moments before standing back up. Once you are finished, continue sitting or crouching in the water for a little bit. If you stand up too soon, people may catch on to what you just did.
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Know how to rinse off if you have been sitting. You will need to shift forward to a crouching, squatting, or kneeling position. If you do not do this, you may get sand inside your swimsuit. Make sure that your waist and everything below is still underwater. If you are wearing swim shorts, take hold of one of the legs. Give it a few quick shakes, then let go. If you are wearing a one-piece swimsuit or a bikini, start by taking hold of the bottom—the swatch of fabric right between the two leg holes. Tug down gently and then let go after a few seconds.
- Wash your swimsuit when you get home with some soap and warm water. This will help prevent any bad smells.
8
Know how to rinse off if you have been squatting. Even though you are in water, there will still be some residue left over. If you are wearing swim shorts, grab hold of one of the legs by the cuff and shake it for a few seconds. If you are wearing a bikini or a one-piece swimsuit, take hold of the fabric between the leg holes. Pull down on it for a moment, then let go.
- Remember to wash your swimsuit using soap and warm water when you get home. This will keep your swimsuit from getting smelly.

Community Q&A

Question

Is there a difference in the way men should do this versus women?

Community Answer

No. In the ocean, both men and women can urinate standing up or sitting down.
Question

Is it bad to pee in the ocean?

Community Answer

No, peeing in the ocean is harmless. Human urine is 95% water. The urea in urine combines with ocean water to form ammonium, which acts as food for ocean plant life.
Question

What if I don't see the marine life near me, like if a crab was awakened by my golden liquids?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

All marine life is afraid of you, they will swim away. They also avoid pollutants in the water, and will not be attracted to it. It also dilutes very rapidly in the currents.

Warnings

Do not defecate in the ocean. This can spread bacteria and disease.

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Always supervise small children.

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Be aware of your surroundings. Watch out for large waves, strong currents, and marine animals, including sharks and jellyfish.^{[7]
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Do not use these methods in a swimming pool. The chlorine in pools does not remove urine. Instead, it reacts with urine to create harmful chemicals.^{[8]
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