How to Turn Over a New Leaf

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: May 16, 2022 References

Whether you’ve suffered a recent loss, had a career setback, or simply decided you weren’t happy with the way things have been going, it may be time to turn over a new leaf. Giving yourself a fresh start in life takes time, and is a long-term process. Learning how to turn over a new leaf in your life can help you feel better and find new opportunities to grow and develop.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Breaking Bad Habits

1
Identify negative habits. Some habits are bad for your physical health, while others may be bad for your mental or emotional health. However, many habits are good, and having habits helps you navigate the world every day. As you move through your daily routine, try to identify which habits are bad, damaging, or otherwise hindering your ability to succeed. This can help you identify and isolate the habits that need changing.^{[1]
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- Try making a list of everything you do each day. Start with the first thing you do when you wake up, and work your way through a typical day until you reach the last thing you do before bed.
- Include things you do that you may not consciously think of as a habit. Even isolated activities can quickly become part of a routine or habit.
2
Recognize the real cause. Often times a bad habit becomes so routine, it's easy to forget the conscious reasons that habit was acquired in the first place. But once you've identified the negative habits in your daily routine, ask yourself what you get out of that habit. For example, if you find yourself engaging in frequent shopping trips or mindless snacking, those activities might be a way of coping with stress or sadness. If you spend too much time watching television or browsing the internet, perhaps you're trying to avoid interacting with other people in your family.^{[2]
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- Every action has a motivation, whether it's conscious or not.
- Before you can change bad habits, you'll need to figure out why you engage in that habit. Be honest with yourself, and ask if maintaining that habit is allowing you to avoid something unpleasant or if it has evolved as an unproductive way of coping with something. For instance, you may bite your nails when you experience anxiety; this bad habit may actually be your coping mechanism for that feeling.
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3
Face the problem head-on. In order to break your bad habit, you'll need to need to address the underlying cause. This may be difficult, but it's the only way to end the cycle of avoidance and undesirable behavior. If you find yourself struggling with facing your problems, consider seeking the help of a qualified therapist.^{[3]
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Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
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- In order to replace negative behavior, you must come up with a positive substitute. Instead of mindlessly eating to avoid dealing with feelings of sadness, acknowledge the way you're feeling and try talking to someone about it.
- Search online for a qualified therapist near you, or ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a therapist who can help you deal with difficult emotions or situations in your life.
4
Work with others. The best way to break bad habits is by having a support network. Whether it's a partner, a spouse, a close relative/friend, or a group of people in a support group, having people who know what you're going through and can offer support is important. If you can find a support partner who's also trying to kick his own bad habit, it may make it even easier for both of you to support one another.^{[4]
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5
Be patient. Breaking any bad habit takes time, and you may slip up from time to time. It's important to remember that these setbacks are normal and that major life changes do not happen overnight. Think of breaking a bad habit the same way you'd think about trying to quit smoking or drinking. It's not easy, and it takes a lot of patience and work. Forgive yourself if you slip up, and use those instances to help strengthen your resolve to change.^{[5]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Allowing Yourself to Succeed

1
Find what makes you happy. It’s important to pursue what makes you happy, both in your work and in your leisure time. Most people have hobbies or activities that they enjoy doing in their down time, but what about work? If you’re turning over a new leaf in your life, you may want to focus on finding work that makes you happy and fulfilled.
- Instead of seeking status and money (which can be important, of course), focus on finding a job that challenges you and gives you some degree of responsibility. This will help you grow and better yourself with long-term results.^{[6]
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- Do something you enjoy, or spend time with people you care about, every day. This will help you remember that you can create the future you want for yourself.^{[7]
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2
Create new goals. Part of turning over a new leaf means letting go of what you once wanted for your life. You don’t have to abandon general life goals (like having a stable job or finding a supportive partner), but you may have to let go of the particulars of your old goals and adjust to your new circumstances. Learning to see this as a good thing, and as the beginning of a wonderful time in your life, will help you feel better about the transition. Work on developing S.M.A.R.T. goals, or goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time-bound.^{[8]
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- Specific — Your goal should have a concrete outline, motivation, and plan.
- Measurable — Each goal should have a clearly-stated result and a way of measuring success along the way.
- Achievable — Working towards your goal should be challenging, but ultimately realistic and achievable.
- Results-focused — Your goal should measure specific outcomes and results, rather than just measuring actions. Focus on goals that allow you to see concrete results, and work hard until you see those results.
- Time-bound — The timeline for achieving your goals should be compact enough to create a sense of urgency and motivation, but realistic enough to allow for inevitable complications or slip-ups.
3
Put it in writing. Research has shown that writing down your goals on a tangible piece of paper and looking at that reminder every day can help strengthen your resolve. No matter what your goals are, write them down and hang the paper in a prominent place that you'll see every day.^{[9]
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- Having a concrete goal to work towards and being reminded of that goal on a regular basis tends to make people happier, regardless of their current circumstances.^{[10]
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- Look at your written goals as often as you need to. This is an important step in working towards your goals and can help keep you motivated along the way.
4
Celebrate small victories. The path to success is invariably filled with plenty of ups and downs. It can be easy to lose sight of your goals when things aren’t going particularly well, which makes it all the more important to take stock in the little victories.^{[11]
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Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
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- See little victories in everything you do. Even if you suffer a loss, like losing your business, see it as a victory in its own right: you’re no longer shackled to the business, and you’re free to start over however you want.
5
Ignore the nay-sayers. Inevitably there will be someone who tells you that you will not succeed, or who tells you that your efforts are pointless. Many people do not understand the importance of pushing yourself and trying to better yourself. Motivation and work ethic are obviously important, but it’s equally important to seek support and validation from the people you care about. Your friends and loved ones should be there to offer encouragement and also challenge you to help you grow.
- If your friends or colleagues do not support your efforts to better yourself, you may want to seek out like-minded people who will support you.
- You can turn to individual people for support, or a larger community. Don’t be afraid to seek support from colleagues, people in your church (if you’re religious), or even people in your community.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Improving Your Social Interactions

1
Work on making small talk. For many people who struggle with social interactions, the thought of having an extended conversation with a total stranger may seem daunting. But you can start small and work your way up. Try starting out smiling at people you pass on the street. Work your way up to complimenting people you see every day, and saying "thank you" to cashiers or waitresses. These little steps will help boost your confidence and can help you scale up towards saying more and more things to people you don't know.^{[12]
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2
Practice conversational skills. If you're still not comfortable carrying on an actual conversation with strangers, practice making conversation with people you do know. Conversational ability and social skills get stronger with practice, and every time you practice your social skills you become a little bit more fluent in your ability to converse with others.^{[13]
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- Start out by having extended conversations with one or two people you know well and with who you are comfortable. Then build up to conversing with a small group of people you know. Once you start to feel really comfortable talking with others, you can begin practicing your conversation skills with people you don't know that well.
3
Observe how others interact. One easy way to strengthen your social skills is by observing other people when they interact. You can do this casually with people you don't know. Try going out to a public place like a coffee shop or bar (if you're old enough to drink), and watch how people converse with one another.
- Take note of the structure of conversations you observe. Is one person predominantly talking, or is it a back-and-forth dialogue? How do topics come up in conversation: do they arise naturally in the course of talking about other things, or are they introduced abruptly? Perhaps some combination of the two?
- Pay attention to body language as well. Do people who are talking together stand close together or far apart? Do they make eye contact, or do they seem distracted?
- Watch as many people as you can in as many varied environments as possible. This will help give you better insight into how people carry on conversations and interact with one another.
4
Work on having things to talk about. If you're going to be conversing with friends, you should think about things going on in your life that you can talk about with others. If you're going to be speaking with a stranger or someone you don't know very well, read up on current events, as this can give you easy topics of conversation.
- Practice listening. Whatever you're talking about with others, listen to what the other person is saying and make it a conversation. Take an interest in what the person says, and ask follow-up questions to show you are engaged.
5
Maintain good manners. One of the best ways to improve your social skills is by being a friendly, approachable person. If you make yourself polite and likable, people will want to interact with you again in the future.^{[14]
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- Always say "please" and "thank you" when you interact with others. People notice good manners and generally find politeness a desirable quality in others.
- Practicing good manners can sometimes hide insecurity or uncertainty, and can help you appear and feel more comfortable while you interact with others.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Committing to Change

1
Assess why you’re changing. Change is very healthy and is often unavoidable in life. But it’s important to take stock of why you’re trying to change your life. Many factors can motivate a person to seek change, and everyone’s reasons will vary somewhat depending on their circumstances. But before you decide to change, it’s important to make sure you’re changing for the right reasons.^{[15]
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- Think about what your motivations are for turning a new leaf. Do you want to change for yourself, or for others? Why does change matter to you?
2
Make a promise to yourself. Goals and intentions are meaningless without commitment. No matter what your goals are, make a promise to yourself that you will not give up on your goals, and that you will work tirelessly to achieve success.^{[16]
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- If you can't commit to doing it for yourself, commit to succeeding for someone else's sake: a proud parent, a supportive partner, or a caring friend. No matter what you have to do, make yourself a promise that you will not give up.
3
Let go of the past. If you’ve suffered any kind of misfortune or unhappiness, it can easily feel like the circumstances of your past will forever determine your future. But the reality is that the past does not have to govern your future. You can make a conscious effort to let go of the past and create your own future success.
- If you are trying to overcome a trauma from your past but feel stuck in moving forward and progressing, counseling can be extremely helpful and is often necessary.
- Learning to deal with negative thoughts, stop ruminating, and overcome failure can be extremely helpful in letting go of a difficult past.
4
Have realistic expectations. Life changes rarely happen overnight. More likely it will be a long journey, filled with rewarding moments and frustrating ones. Cultivate a positive outlook and a promising future by finding little ways to change every day. ^{[17]
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- Change one behavior at a time. Work on really improving one aspect of your life before moving on to the next aspect of your life. If you try to change everything at once, it may feel like nothing is improving.^{[18]
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  American Psychological Association
  Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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