How to Talk to Strangers

Co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References Approved

You’ve probably been told not to talk to strangers, but it can be really rewarding to socialize with people you don’t know. While it may seem a little tough figuring out what to say, there are a lot of things you can do to make small talk with anyone that you meet. We’ll start off with some tips on friendly body language and move on to topics you can bring up to break the ice and encourage them to hold a conversation!

1

Find someone who looks open to conversation.

Watch the person’s body language to see if they’re friendly and receptive. Before approaching a stranger to talk, wait to see if they’re smiling or making eye contact with people. If they’re already having a conversation with someone, check if they’re using hand gestures and listening when the other person talks. If they look comfortable socializing, they’re probably really easy to talk to and won’t mind if you try to have a conversation with them.^{[1]
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- If someone has their arms crossed or is avoiding other people, they may not be in the mood to talk to anyone.
- Only approach a stranger if you feel safe around them. If you feel uncomfortable or in danger, trust your instincts and avoid the person.

2

Make eye contact and smile.

Even a friendly expression can help you feel like you’re socializing. People are more likely to strike up a conversation if they feel like they can trust you. Briefly glance in their direction and try to lock eyes even if it’s just for a second. It’s completely normal to feel a bit intimidated, but try to offer up a warm smile and see how the other person respond.^{[2]
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- Smiling also sets a positive tone and helps keep the conversation light and happy.

3

Use open and engaging body language.

Adjust your posture to seem more approachable. Keep your arms uncrossed so you look receptive and open to talking to someone. Turn your body towards the person you want to talk to and lean slightly toward them to show that you’re interested in chatting. If it helps you feel more comfortable, imagine the person as a good friend so you’re even more relaxed around them.^{[4]
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- Practice your body language in front of a mirror to see what changes you need to make.

4

Respect their personal space.

Getting too close might make the person feel uncomfortable. Everybody has different physical boundaries, so make sure you don’t intrude on them. Pay attention to the person’s body language to see if they’re turning away from you or breaking eye contact often, which might be signs that they’re nervous. If they look like they’re uneasy, take a step back from them and be polite about how they react.^{[5]
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- Other people might be nervous or intimidated to talk to you too. By showing that you’re friendly, you can help the other person feel more relaxed.
- Respecting personal space is a two-way street, so be sure to speak up if someone makes you feel uncomfortable as well. For example, if someone goes in for a hug, you can say, “Oh no thank you, I’m not a big hugger.”

5

Say hello.

Starting with a quick greeting could spark a full conversation. As you’re walking through a group of people, try to say something brief to everyone you run into. We that it can be a little scary, but you could try “Hi,” “Hello,” or “Nice to meet you” to break the ice and show that you’re willing to chat with them. Even if you don’t have a lot of time for a long conversation, greeting the person is still a nice gesture that makes you more friendly.^{[6]
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- While it might make some people uncomfortable, other people might greet you back and want to continue the conversation.
- If greeting people alone makes you feel nervous, ask a friend or someone you know to accompany you.

6

Introduce yourself.

Break the ice with a quick and friendly intro. Since you don’t know the person, you don’t have to give them your entire background. Don’t be afraid to give them as much personal information as you feel comfortable with, even if it’s just your first name. If you’re in a business setting, you can also mention your job title if it’s relevant to the conversation.^{[7]
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- For example, you could say, “Hi, I’m John. I work at XYZ Publishing.”
- Keep the social setting in mind when you greet someone. For example, if you meet someone at a parent’s event at school, you could say, “Hello, I’m Janice. I have a daughter in third grade.”
- You can always reveal more information about yourself if you end up getting into a deeper discussion with the person.

7

Learn and use their name.

Drop their name in the conversation to develop a better connection. People enjoy hearing the sound of their own name, so be sure to ask the person for theirs right away. When it feels natural to do it, say their name a few times while you’re chatting. The person will feel like they’re genuinely bonding with you and will encourage them to be friendly back.^{[8]
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- For example, you could say, “So, Will, what do you do for a living?” or “Have you ever traveled out of the country, Will?”
- Mentioning their name a few times also helps you remember it better so you’re less likely to forget it if you bump into each other again.

8

Mention something in your surroundings.

Choose an interesting thing nearby to use as a jumping-off point. If you don’t know the person at all, look around the room and bring up something you see. You’ve probably started small talk about the weather, but you could also talk about the host of the party, the food, or other people at the event. If you’re just talking to someone you bumped into, you could mention a nearby store or the traffic.^{[9]
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- For example, if you’re starting a conversation with someone waiting to cross the street, you could say, “The traffic is crazy today. Have you ever seen it get this busy?”
- As another example, if you’re at the grocery store, you could ask, “Have you tried this brand of pasta sauce before? It sounds good but I’ve never had it.”

9

Bring up general topics.

Strike up some small talk over pop culture or current events. Usually, mentioning recent news or an experience you’ve shared together is a great starting point if you’re complete strangers. Don’t worry if you’re a little intimidated; you can bring up easy subjects like a TV show or movie you’ve seen, a book you’ve read, or a meme you saw online. If you feel a little more comfortable with the person, you can try testing the waters by bringing up family, work, and dating to see if they want to open up more.^{[10]
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- As another example, you could say, “Did you catch the new episode of Jeopardy? They had some really tough questions this time around.”
- If the person doesn’t seem interested in a topic, change the subject.

10

Give them a compliment.

A compliment is a natural and flattering way to break the ice. Mention something specifically that you appreciate or like about them so you sound sincere.^{[11]
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Research source} You could make a comment about something the person’s wearing, how they handle a situation, or anything else you admire. After you break the ice, continue chatting so you can learn more about the person.^{[12]
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- For example, you could say something like, “I love those shoes! Where did you get them?” or “That shirt color really pops on you!”
- As another example, you could say, “You really handled that argument with a lot of grace.”
- Avoid commenting on someone’s physical appearance too much since it could make some people uncomfortable.

11

Ask them open-ended questions.

Find out more about the other person so you can get to know them better. People love to talk about themselves, so ask what they’re passionate about, what they want to do in life, and what experiences they’ve had. Try to ask open-ended questions that the person has to answer in more detail to keep the conversation going.^{[13]
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Research source} Some fun icebreaker questions you can ask include:^{[14]
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- What do you like to do for fun?
- What’s the best thing that’s happened to you this year?
- What are you looking forward to?
- How do you know the host of this party?

12

Share things about yourself.

Opening up encourages the other person to start talking too. If the person doesn’t offer a lot at the start of the conversation, take the opportunity to go into things about your life or interests. You could mention your job, hobbies, projects that you’ve done, or about how you know the host at a party. As you talk more, the other person might feel more comfortable talking about themselves to you.^{[15]
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- It’s okay to keep some of your personal details private. Only bring up the topics that you feel comfortable sharing.

13

Discuss common interests.

Find some common ground to carry on the conversation. If the person perks up when you mention your favorite hobby, sports team, or another thing you like, delve into the topic even more. Talk about why you love it and ask the other person for their opinions as well. Don’t judge or criticize them if they have a different opinion on it, but be open and receptive to what they’re talking about.^{[16]
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- For example, you could say, “I noticed you’re wearing a Packers jersey and I love them. Did you catch the game last weekend?”
- As another example, you could say, “Oh, I really like scuba diving too! What are your favorite diving spots?”

14

Listen actively.

Stay engaged with the person so they feel heard. As the other person is talking, make eye contact with them and nod along with what they’re saying. Avoid checking your phone or getting distracted by other things so you don’t lose focus. Offer up some short affirmations, such as “mmhmm” or “yeah” to show that you’re following the conversation.^{[17]
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- Be mindful of your facial expressions and be careful not to frown or show signs of disgust since that can turn off the other person.

15

End the conversation after 5–10 minutes.

Watch for signals that the other person wants to end the conversation. A casual conversation usually only lasts for a few minutes before someone wants to move on. If you’ve already chatted for 5–10 minutes, the other person might want to move on. Otherwise, check if they’re getting more fidgety, checking their phone, or looking at their watch. Let them know that it was nice talking to them and say you have to get going. If you enjoyed the conversation, ask them if they want to stay in touch later.^{[18]
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- For example, you could say, “I had a really good time chatting with you. Do you want to exchange numbers and talk again later?”

Conversation Help

Starting up a Conversation with a Stranger

Conversation Topics for Strangers

Things to Avoid when Talking to Strangers

Warnings

If a stranger makes you feel uncomfortable or if you don’t feel safe around them, avoid having a conversation with them.^{[22]
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