How to Stop Underestimating Yourself

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: April 29, 2021 References

When you are confronted with a new or stressful task or situation, you may begin to doubt your talents, strengths, or abilities. Underestimating yourself can cause anxiety or stress, and it may prevent you from trying something new.^{[1]
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Research source} However, working through self-doubt can help increase your confidence and help you achieve your goals. If you reduce negative thoughts, work on building your self-esteem, and make healthy lifestyle choices, you can stop underestimating yourself.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Reducing Negative Self-Talk

1
Challenge negative thoughts. People who underestimate themselves may be held back by negative thoughts, like “I'm not going to do well on my presentation,” or “I could never run in a 10 k.” When you have these self-doubts and fears, try to evaluate them logically to lessen their impact.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source} Remind yourself that these are not facts.^{[3]
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Research source} These ideas have been put into your head by other people, past experiences, or insecurities, and none of this is based in fact. Over time, you will reduce your negative self-talk and have a more realistic, positive outlook about your abilities.
- For example, you may be nervous about completing an upcoming project at work. Instead of thinking that your boss won't be happy with your report, remind yourself that this fear is not set in stone. Instead, tell yourself that you will do well because you will plan ahead, do your research, and ask for help if you need it. Say this to yourself, say it to other people, and write it down. Challenging your negative thoughts in as many ways as possible will provide the greatest benefit.
- If you dream of auditioning for a local theatre production, don't tell yourself that you would never get the part. Tell yourself that you are going to practice and do your best at the next round of auditions. Say to yourself, "With hard work and commitment, I can do this. Even if I don't land the lead role, I'll still be proud of my courage and hard work."
2
Make a list of your positive traits. To help you get rid of your critical inner voice, make a list of all the all your positive traits.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} Think about situations that have gone well, goals that you have met, or challenging circumstances that you have overcome.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} Remind yourself that it is okay to feel good about yourself and proud of your accomplishments. Read over your list daily for a while, and then weekly, and then refer to it in moments of self-doubt.
- You can even ask friends and family members to add to this list. They may be able to think of some things that you would not have considered adding to the list.
- If you were proud of a presentation you gave at work last quarter, add that to your list. Describe how you prepared for it, how you felt during the presentation, and the positive feedback you received afterward. Read this description before your next presentation to stop yourself from underestimating your talents and impact.
- Write down the traits that you have that make you a good friend. If you are a great listener, add that to your list. If you stood by a friend or a relative during a trying time in their life, acknowledge your loyalty and commitment.
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3
Stop unhelpful self-criticism or insults.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.} When your inner voice starts to criticize or doubt your abilities, stop and think about what you are saying. Ask yourself if this is something that you would say to a friend or a relative. Remind yourself that if others in your life do not deserve such harsh or unhelpful critiques, then you won't benefit from it either.^{[7]
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Research source}
- Consider whether you would say “You've never been good at math, and so you won't do well on this test,” to your friend who is worried about an upcoming exam. You probably wouldn't underestimate your friend in that manner. Acknowledge that that statement wouldn't be helpful to your friend or to you. Instead, tell yourself that you will do well with hard work and preparation.
- If you receive a lot of revisions on your research paper, don't tell yourself that you're not good at writing or that you are bad at a particular subject. Avoid saying "I just can't do this," or "I am not smart enough to tackle this." Instead, tell yourself that you can and will improve. Say to yourself, "I know I am a great writer. I'll work on improving my organization during my revisions and improve the proposal."
- You can even try visualizing your self-doubting thoughts floating away on a cloud to help you release them.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Strengthening Your Self-Esteem

1
Avoid comparing yourself to others. When you compare yourself to others, you are often comparing yourself to an idealized, unrealistic version of that person.^{[8]
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Research source} To build your own belief in yourself and to stop underestimating your own abilities, it is important to remember that everyone has their own faults as well as their own unique talents.^{[9]
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Research source} Strive to be your own unique self.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}
- Next time you are comparing yourself to someone, try to refocus your thought patterns. Instead of thinking that your friend is better at sports than you, say to yourself, “Sarah is a quick sprinter and is great at soccer. I am strong and a great swimmer.” Acknowledge that you both have talents and strengths instead of pitting them against each other.^{[11]
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  Research source}
- Also, remind yourself that you don't see their struggles, and that they too have insecurities.
2
Limit your social media use. Spending a lot of time on social media can negatively impact your self-esteem. Social media users usually present the good or the glamorous aspects of their life, and this may cause you to compare yourself to others and underestimate your abilities or self-worth.^{[12]
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Research source} Remind yourself that most people to do not share their day-to-day struggles, and establish daily or weekly social media usage limits.
- Consider deleting your social media apps so you are not tempted to check your account throughout the day.
- Plan to sign on only during the weekends.^{[13]
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  Research source}
3
Acknowledge that it is necessary to make mistakes. In order to stop underestimating yourself, it is important to acknowledge that it is necessary to make mistakes because they lead to learning about yourself. Remember that no one is perfect, and that mistakes are inevitable. Mistakes does not reflect poorly on who you are, on your talents, or on your skills. The best you can do is prepare for situations as much as possible and acknowledge how you can improve in the future.^{[14]
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Research source} Once you acknowledge this, it will be easier to trust in yourself and your talents.
- If you forgot to include an expense in your department's budget report, that does not mean you are forgetful or bad at math. Everyone is forgetful from time to time, and sometimes you may overlook things. Instead of criticizing yourself, acknowledge that you made a mistake. Tell yourself that you will have a colleague review your work next time.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Establishing Healthy Routines

1
Practice deep breathing daily. Practicing deep breathing techniques can help quell negative self-talk, increase optimism, and help you control and regulate your emotions.^{[15]
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Research source} Incorporate breathing exercises into your daily routine to help you build a positive self-image and to prevent you from underestimating your abilities.^{[16]
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Research source} You can set an alarm on your phone for one or more times per day to remind yourself to do this.
- Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose and hold for ten counts. Exhale slowly through your mouth, and wait a few seconds before taking another deep breath.^{[17]
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  Research source}
2
Mediate. Starting each day with a positive outlook can help you stop underestimating your abilities. Self-soothing practices like meditation can help ease depression, pain, and anxiety.^{[18]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source} In addition, mediation can help calm your critical inner voice, dispel negative thoughts, and help you build self-confidence.^{[19]
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Research source} Set aside time each day to meditate and focus on the present moment.
- There are lots of free guided meditations available online that you can try.
3
Try yoga. Practicing yoga may help you control your anxieties and slow your negative thoughts. Yoga has been shown to reduce the body's stress responses, which may help alleviate self-doubt.^{[20]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source} Try doing yoga at home regularly or find a class in your neighborhood.
4
Eat a healthy diet. Eating a healthy, wholesome diet can help influence your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Fuel your body with a wide range of vitamins and nutrients by eating fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.^{[21]
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Research source} Diets rich in these nutritious foods can help reduce anxiety and depression, decrease stress levels, and improve your overall mental outlook.^{[22]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- Reduce processed foods, fried foods, saturated fats, and sugar from your diet as much as possible.^{[23]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  American Heart Association
  Leading nonprofit that funds medical research and public education
  Go to source}
- Reserve half of your plate for vegetables and fruits. Fill one quarter of your plate filled with lean proteins, like baked chicken or fish, and reserve the remaining quarter for whole grains like whole wheat pasta, quinoa, or brown rice.^{[24]
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  Research source}
- If you are stressed out, avoid drinking caffeine. Caffeine may increase cortisol, which influences your stress levels.^{[25]
  X
  Research source} It may be more difficult to defeat negative self-talk when you are stressed.
- Stay hydrated and drink plenty of water. An adult who lives in a temperate climate should have around 9 to 13 cups (2.2 to 3 liters) of hydrating beverages each day.^{[26]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
5
Engage in regular exercise. Exercise is not only beneficial for your physical health, but it is important for your mental and emotional health, too. Exercise can help alleviate the symptoms of anxiety disorders, as well as depression, panic disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder.^{[27]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} Leading an active lifestyle may help boost your confidence. Sign up for an exercise class that interests you, or ask a friend to join you on a walk or a run.
- It is recommended that the average person engage in 150 minutes of moderate exercise each week, or for 30 minutes for 5 days. Ask your doctor is this is right for you.
- Take a brisk walk on your lunch break, swim laps in a pool, or take a yoga or a dance class.
6
Get plenty of sleep. Being well-rested is essential for physical and emotional health. Frequently not getting enough rest can lead to feeling emotionally vulnerable and having negative thoughts.^{[28]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source} Aim for seven to nine hours of sleep every night.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do I have more faith in myself?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Building up your self esteem is a process. Start by recognizing your goodness, the values you possess, and what you already have. That's very related to your self confidence. Next, really try pushing your limits and boundaries to be as great of a person as you can be. Once you're able to tap into your inner resources, you'll slowly and gradually develop that self confidence.
Question

How do you stop comparing yourself to others?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

While you, like others, are not perfect, embrace the fact that you’re perfectly imperfect. Accept who you are and be grateful for what you have. If you always want what others have, you will lose your authentic self and will never have enough.
Question

How can I always be myself?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

To be your authentic self, tap into your inner resources. Think about the values, qualities, and goodness you possess. Your self confidence and ability to maneuver through the world as your authentic self is very much related to appreciating what you have.