How to Spot Signs of Losing Confidence

Co-authored by Guy Reichard and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: February 4, 2021 References

It’s easy to feel confident when things are going your way. But setbacks, failures, and criticism from yourself and others can start to wear away at your confidence. If you find yourself avoiding challenges, giving up easily, or feeling more sensitive to criticism, it’s possible that you’re losing your confidence. Luckily, there are things you can do to start feeling like your awesome self again!

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Recognizing Loss of Confidence

1
Watch for increasing sensitivity to criticism. When you’re losing confidence in yourself, even the slightest criticism can feel like a huge blow. Think about how you react when people say critical things to you, especially when the criticism is about areas of your life where you think your confidence is suffering.^{[1]
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- For example, if you’re a writer, you might fixate on one slightly negative comment from a reader even if most of what they say is positive.
- You might be quicker to get defensive or take any criticism to heart, whether it’s valid or not.
2
Look for stronger reactions to failure. Maybe in the past, you quickly picked yourself up after a failure and tried again. When you’re losing confidence, however, every failure can feel like a catastrophe. Next time you don’t succeed at something, stop and think about how you react to it, and ask yourself if you’re taking it harder than you might have before.^{[2]
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- You might feel a strong sense of shame or blame yourself when you fail.
- When you’re losing confidence, you might be less likely to try something again after failing the first time.
- You may also be quicker to give up as soon as things start to go wrong.
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3
Determine whether you avoid challenging situations. When you lose confidence, your fear of failure might stop you from even trying something if you’re not sure you’ll succeed. Consider whether you shy away from tasks that you might have been happy to tackle in the past.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 March 2020.}
- For example, instead of trying to learn a new piano piece, you might decide that it looks too hard before you even try it.
- You might make excuses for not trying things, like, “That doesn’t look like much fun,” or “That job is too far away, I’m not even going to bother applying.”
4
Examine how well you’re doing personally and professionally. Think about whether your grades have been slipping, you’ve been less efficient at work, or you’ve been having a harder time getting along with your loved ones. A loss of confidence can make you less willing to put in an effort, which in turn will make it harder to do the things you need to do.^{[4]
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- For example, maybe you’re losing points for participation in your classes because you’re afraid to ask questions or speak up during discussions.
- If your lack of confidence affects your ability to succeed, then your confidence will suffer even more.
5
Check for a loss of interest in socializing. A loss of confidence might make it harder for you to be around other people. Consider whether you’re less interested in spending time with friends or meeting new people. You might even be more irritable with other people than you used to be.^{[5]
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- For example, you might turn down invitations to events, stop calling your best friend, or hide out in your room when people come to visit.
6
Listen for a critical or negative inner voice. Pay attention to the kinds of things you think about yourself. If they’re increasingly negative, critical, or helpless, then you are probably losing confidence.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 March 2020.} For example, you might think things like:^{[7]
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- “I’m a failure.”
- “I’ll never be good at this.”
- “I can’t do it.”
- “It’s just too hard.”
- “Why bother?”
7
Make note of physical symptoms, like fatigue, aches, and pains. Losing confidence is stressful, and stress can have a real impact on how you feel physically. Pay attention to any unexplained physical symptoms you’ve been feeling, such as:^{[8]
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- Fatigue
- Headaches
- Stomach problems
- Changes in your sleep patterns, like sleeping too much or not being able to fall asleep
Warning: While stress or emotional problems can cause physical symptoms like these, it’s also possible that they have a physical cause. Always talk to your doctor if you’re having worrisome symptoms so that you can get a proper diagnosis and treatment.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Regaining Lost Confidence

1
Challenge negative thoughts. Next time you find yourself thinking something negative, defeatist, or overly critical, stop and ask yourself whether that thought is realistic. If it’s not, then gently correct yourself and replace the thought with something more positive and realistic.^{[9]
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- For example, if you find yourself thinking, “I’ll never get a good job,” try replacing that thought with something like, “The market is really tough right now and job hunting is super frustrating. But if I keep applying and polishing my resume, I’m likely to get something eventually.”
- If you’re worried about failure, remind yourself of a time when you succeeded. For example, if you think “I’m not going to pass this test,” remember a time when you did really well on another test.
Tip: Try thinking of yourself as a friend. Talk to yourself the same way you’d talk to a friend who was feeling down about themselves.
2
Practice self-care to help you feel your best. Self-care is a way to show love and respect for yourself, which can help improve your overall health, mood, and level of self-confidence. Set aside a little time each day to care for your basic needs.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 March 2020.} Although self-care can mean different things for different people, a few good self-care habits include:
- Getting enough sleep
- Eating healthy meals
- Caring for your hygiene
- Doing things you enjoy
- Taking care of practical matters, like bills, chores, and doctor visits
3
Try compassion meditation exercises. If your critical inner voice has been wearing away at your confidence, a compassion meditation practice can help you change your thinking and start being more kind to yourself. Once a day, take some time to sit and breathe deeply. Imagine a time when a loved one was suffering, and think about the feelings of warmth and compassion you felt for them. Then, turn your thoughts to yourself and a time when you were suffering. Imagine sending those same feelings of warmth and love to yourself.^{[11]
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Greater Good in Action
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- Visualize your love and compassion as a golden light. Picture it radiating out from your heart and filling you with loving feelings toward yourself.
- Try reciting a mantra, such as, “May I be free from this suffering. May I have joy and happiness.”
4
Learn some new skills to feel challenged. When you learn something new, you remind yourself of the amazing things that you’re capable of. Step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself to try something you’ve never done before, like learning to paint, taking dance lessons, or doing karate.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
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- Trying something new can also help remind you that making mistakes is a natural part of the growing and learning process.
- If you’re in school, try joining a club or signing up for some fun classes. If you’re out of school, consider taking classes at a community college, online, or at a private teaching studio.
5
Exercise to boost your physical confidence. Getting physical exercise can help you feel better both physically and emotionally, and it can also remind you of what you’re capable of. Set some attainable health goals and work on meeting them to help increase your confidence.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- If you’re not used to exercising, start with something small, like taking a 15-minute walk every day.
- Once you feel ready for a bigger challenge, try training for a race or completing a boot camp class.
6
Take care of your physical appearance. Putting in the effort to look your best can help you feel more confident. Choose clothes that flatter you and help you feel good about how you look, and take time each morning to care for your grooming and hygiene.^{[14]
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Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
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- Consider getting a fresh haircut or a makeover. Getting a new look can help you feel like a new you!
7
Spend time with supportive people. Having a fun and positive social life can make a huge difference in your confidence. Try to schedule time with friends and family members who lift you up and encourage you. Look for ways to meet new people who share your interests, too.^{[15]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- If you don’t know many people, taking a class or joining a club can be a great way to start meeting new friends.
8
See a therapist if you’re still struggling. Everyone needs a little help once in a while. If you feel like nothing you do is enough to lift your confidence, ask your doctor to recommend a therapist or a support group for people struggling with confidence issues. They can help you pinpoint whatever is causing your confidence problems and start to work through it.^{[16]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- A therapist can also teach you strategies for changing the thoughts and behaviors that make you feel less confident.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What does it mean to have confidence?

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000.

Guy Reichard

Executive Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

If you look at the origins of the word confidence, it's actually means "with faith." So, it's really just about having a sense of trust in yourself and faith in your ability to overcome obstacles.
Question

How can I improve my confidence at work?

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000.

Guy Reichard

Executive Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try learning new things! If you can start acquiring more skills at work, you're more likely to feel confident about your ability to do the job.
Question

Why aren't I naturally confident?

Guy Reichard
Executive Life Coach
Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000.

Guy Reichard

Executive Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

If you aren't confident, it means that your doubt, pessimism, and self-criticism are getting the best of you. This often happens when you aren't living out your personal values. If you can find a way to get back to your personal beliefs. If you can overcome these obstacles, you'll be able to get your confidence back.