What's Your Red Flag?

Everyone has bad days, and we don’t always act exactly as we’d like to in relationships. But there’s a big difference between a bad day and genuine warning signs in your relationship. Forgiveness and flexibility are keys to creating a healthy partnership, but when your relationship is consistently toxic or damaging, that might mean it’s time to end things. Learn to look out for these relationship red flags:

Controlling Behavior: When your partner wants to dictate who you talk to, what you do, and where you go, they don’t have your best interest at heart. A loving partner will prioritize your happiness, not your obedience.

Narcissism: When you’re dating a narcissist, nothing is ever really about you—it’s always about them. Their own sense of grandeur will always come before your health and happiness, and you may feel confused, demonized, misunderstood, and alone.

Abuse: Emotional, physical, and sexual abuse are all automatic dealbreakers, and if you ever feel unsafe, you should leave your relationship immediately. Find helpful resources here and be sure to reach out to a loved one who you trust.

Substance Abuse: When someone is dealing with substance abuse, it can lead to toxic behavior, dangerous situations, and other mental health issues. When you’re dating someone who struggles with substance abuse, you may feel immense stress and pressure. If you know someone who’s suffering from addiction, offer them resources that can help. If you’re dating an addict, get perspective and support from people you trust.

Gaslighting: If your partner is gaslighting you, this means that they lie, mislead, or purposely confuse you about things that have clearly occurred. This often shows up as them telling you that you’ve misheard them, that things that happened didn’t actually happen, or that you’re overreacting. Gaslighters make their victims feel guilty or out of touch with reality. Their relationships are about power, not love and respect.

Isolation: In a controlling relationship, one partner may attempt to drive a wedge between their partner and their partner’s loved ones. This is a warning sign of abuse. In a loving relationship, your partner should want you to be happy—meaning they should support your closest relationships rather than undermine them.

Love Bombing: When your partner is ultra-romantic and gushy right from the get-go, it might feel flattering. But in reality, if someone is showering you with love when they hardly know you, it could be a sign that they aren’t interested in a genuine connection. Instead, they may be more interested in gaining your affection—and in turn, gaining control over you.

Codependency: Happy, healthy partners will love and support one another equally. But if you begin to feel like you’ve been swallowed up by your relationship, that could be a sign that you’re in a codependent partnership. It might feel like self-care and seeing friends has become selfish, and your whole life now revolves around your partner.

Anger Issues: If your partner can’t control themselves during conflict, it can seriously harm your relationship—and even your own sense of safety. If you can’t discuss your issues without fearing they’ll fly off the handle, that’s a sign that your relationship is toxic. Reach out to a loved one for help or discover more resources here.