This article was co-authored by Lia Huynh, LMFT. Lia Huynh is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist with over 20 years of experience. She specializes in providing counseling services for individuals, couples, Christians, and Asian Americans. Lia holds a BA in Psychology from The University of California, Los Angeles and an MS in Marriage and Family Therapy and Pupil Personnel Services from San Francisco State University.
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Talking about Christianity with an atheist can be a difficult experience. Some atheists are deeply opposed to religion, some find it uninteresting, and others respect it as a different lifestyle. If you want to talk about religion with an atheist, it's important to choose your words and actions with care and compassion. While you may be unable to persuade them, it's possible that you could show them a side of Christianity they've never experienced.
Steps
Considering Your Choices
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1Look at your reasoning. Why do you want to convert this person? Be honest with yourself. How do you feel about atheists, and why do you feel that converting an atheist person would be a good idea? Do you want to have a dialogue, or a one-sided conversation in which they admit you're right? Are you able to make peace with it if they say no?
- Are you simply wanting to be close to them? Try non-religious ways to hang out with the person, like taking walks, going to parks, or attending non-religious events such as concerts.
- Are you worried about whether they're going to Heaven? Atheists can be good people who do things that God admires, so beware of painting them as less than or more sinful than you. We are all wretched sinners, deserving of eternal punishment, but the difference is that you have chosen to live in the grace of God.
- Are you wanting them to admit that you are right and they are wrong? This is a foolish and prideful reason to try and "convert" someone. Spend some serious time in prayer while examining your heart before you move any further. They will also not respond well to being "proven" wrong rather than a gentle and live-it-out approach, so don't waste your time.
- Are you looking for an open-ended discussion that may or may not result in conversion? This may go well. Ask if they're open to it.
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2Consider each of your actions and their consequences. Trying to convince someone of your beliefs may cause them not to like you, and may even impact your relationship. Be mindful of how your behavior affects others, and seek to speak the truth in love rather than prove yourself right. Remember, no one has ever been argued into the kingdom of Heaven.
- Be cautious about jeopardizing work relationships. Proselytizing at work could get in the way of a peaceful work environment.
- Remember that Christlike love does not necessarily equal all-encompassing approval. You can allow them to believe what they want to believe, however, stand firm. You do not have to adopt their beliefs or affirm their sin in order to effectively love them. Even if they believe in something you know is wrong, don't try to condemn them. State your opinion in love. If/when they begin a relationship with the Lord, He and He alone will be responsible for changing their anti-biblical beliefs or practices.
- Inviting people to join you may sometimes be appropriate. Pestering rarely is. If they say no after you invite them to a religious thing once or twice, stop asking.
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3Judge not. Atheists can still be good people who do good things and reap the benefits of their goodness. Good values aren't exclusive to Christianity, or to any religion at all. (however, access to God and the gift of the Holy Spirit, the fruits of the Spirit, and entry into heaven are). Recognize atheism may simply be what makes them happy.
- Although we have a caring and loving God who delights when we serve Him, our good deeds are filthy rags in His holy sight and they cannot help us earn our way into heaven (Isaiah 64:6). He, being rich in mercy, paved us the way to Him through His Son, who took the punishment that we ourselves recieved. Nothing we do can "earn" us into heaven since we are, by nature, sinful.
- Catholics may want to keep in mind that Pope Francis has said that atheists can go to heaven if they have a "good heart." (Take note that this is contrary to the Protestant Christian belief that we are saved by grace, through faith alone, with our works as "filthy rags"). [1]
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4Consider why the person is an atheist. Different atheists have different reasons why they aren't religious. Some are unsure about the decision, which means they might be open to hearing your perspective, while others are certain about what they want and what they believe.
- They think there's no logical reason to believe in God. These people are driven by logic, so convincing them to base decisions on faith is unlikely to work.
- They never understood the appeal of religion. Sometimes, they'll be open to learning more, but other times, they won't feel like it's a good time. Avoid rushing them.
- They were hurt by the church, or see the church hurting others. People who see the church causing harm (e.g., covering up sexual abuse or bullying LGBT+ people) may question whether religious institutions are truly good.[2] Some people are open to finding churches that better embrace good values, while others leave religion for good. It depends on the person.
- They are angry at God for allowing bad things to happen. This can happen after personal trauma. Sometimes, they return to faith after seeing the good in life, and other times, they break from religion forever. It is important to give them time to process, without trying to push them.
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5Consider whether your arguments are rational or faith-based. Someone who has based their decisions purely on rationality is unlikely to be swayed by emotional reasoning.
- It's okay to make decisions based on emotion and faith. If you feel that Christianity gives your life spiritual meaning, emotional comfort, or a sense of community, then that is a good enough reason to be Christian! Just remember that not everyone has had or is receptive to accounts of encounters like that, so do not use your personal testimony as the sole backing for your faith.
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6Put yourself in your friend's shoes. Consider how you would respond, if someone were attempting to persuade you to reject your salvation in Christ. You would want them to listen if you were to say "no" to them, and accept it if you didn't agree with them at the end. Speak to them the way you'd want to be spoken to.
- Nobody wants to be judged. Speak from a place of Christlike love and friendship, not judgment. Keep your kindness unconditional, even if you disagree.
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7Focus on living in peace with someone who is determined to be an atheist. This is their choice to make, and you should not waste your time trying to fight it. Instead, show them unconditional kindness and friendship, without trying to change them.
Approaching the Subject
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1Choose a good place and time. The conversation should be one-on-one, and it should be during a relaxed time when nobody needs to hurry to go somewhere else. It should happen in a private or semi-private place, like at home, at a coffee shop, at a park, or during a walk around the neighborhood.
- You don't want to make someone feel embarrassed, blindsided, or trapped. If they look awkward, drop the idea.
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2Bring up the subject and ask if they're interested. This allows them to gracefully decline if they would prefer not to talk about it and gives them an opportunity to start expressing their thoughts and ideas if they are in the mood. Some people feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about religion, especially since religious discussion can result in heated debates or hurt feelings.
- For example, you could say "I've been thinking a lot about religion lately, and I was wondering if you feel like talking about it."
- Respond gracefully if they say no. Don't push. If they say no to you several different times, assume it means that they are very shy about religion and don't like talking about it, so it's best to stop asking.
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3Keep your mind and heart open at all times. If the person feels ambushed or attacked, they'll shut down and have no interest in what you have to say. Thus, try to keep an open and friendly tone, without pressure for them to act a certain way. You want them to be comfortable with you.
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4Know when it's best to leave it alone. Not every atheist is open to being converted, and it's important to make peace with this. Don't whine, wheedle, or browbeat your way through a conversation that someone else doesn't want to have.
- If someone says "I don't like talking about religion," then stop bringing up religion.
- If you offer to talk about religion a few times, and they say no each time, that pattern may mean something. Stop bringing it up, or ask "I've noticed that you've declined each time I asked you about religion. Is it a topic you're uncomfortable with?" Then stop if they say yes.
Talking and Listening
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1Tell your friend what your Christianity means to you. Explain how religion has influenced your life, both for you as a person and for your relationships in the world around you.
Keep the conversation focused on the tools that following God's son gives you.[3] Reasons you might like being a Christian include...
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- You like being part of a community centered on good values.
- You appreciate the reminder to be your best self.
- You feel that religion helps you connect to a higher purpose.
- You find that the concept of an afterlife comforting.
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2Don't try to debate about logic or the Bible. Believing in God is a fundamentally illogical choice because you are choosing to have faith in a power beyond what you know. It's a leap of the heart. It's best to acknowledge this and focus on the emotional power of faith.
- Many Christians have very different relationships with the Bible, and you may be quite knowledgeable about Bible study and the history of the document. Conversely, many Christians emphasize a personal relationship with Christ as the fundamental aspect of their being blessed in Christ.
- Some atheists refuse to believe in things they don't have evidence for. Chalk it up to a difference in priorities, and agree to disagree.
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3Take time to truly listen to them and understand where they're coming from. You don't just want to lecture them. Ask about their experiences, ideas, and opinions. Accept that they're coming from a different place than you are.
- Don't make assumptions about how they feel about atheism. Not all atheists are "angry" at God, lapsed believers, or are upset about their lack of belief. Listen to how they say they feel, and believe them.
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4Be kind. Avoid condemnations or threats of hellfire. This is likely to drive a person away from faith (and you). Share the best of Christianity instead of pushing negativity. Let them see the good in religion.
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5Let your friend ask questions and express their own opinions. Your friend may be curious about your beliefs, especially if they weren't raised as a Christian. And if this person feels comfortable with you, this will lead to questioning and challenging you. The less defensive you are, the more reasonable you seem. Be comfortable in your faith in God and remain calm. If you're having fun, the other person will, too.
- If your friend constantly wants to discuss Biblical fallacies, or "Can God make a mountain God can't move?" types of questions, don't engage in debate. All you need to say is "That's not possible to know, and I'm comfortable with that. It doesn't make me any less of a believer."
Keeping the Dialogue Open
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1Walk the walk. This is the most crucially important step in "converting" others. If you're going to talk a big game about how great your life as a Christian is, you've got to prove it with your actions. Demonstrate love with your own life. The Bible tells us not to try and entice people with words, but to demonstrate the Spirit and power. Some atheists are atheists because of their often-justified perception that Christians are hypocritical. But you know they're not all that way. Prove it.
- Don't limit your kindness to your prayers. Go out, help others, make friends, and be there for people who are having a hard time.
- Even if your friend has declined conversations about faith and is determined to stay an atheist, do not stop being Christlike. Sometimes, that is exactly what it takes; to shut up and start living like Jesus did.
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2Invite your friend to come with you to church. The best way to introduce atheists to your religion is by treating it like you would any social function. Emphasize the fellowship and the camaraderie, and invite them to a non-service function, like a dinner or a cookout.
- If you invite an atheist to a religious function, tell them that it is a religious function. Don't try to trick someone into attending by pretending that it is not.
- Respect a "no." Not everyone is open to changing their minds about religion, so don't try to force things.
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3Be patient. See if this person develops any interest in attending your place of worship. You may extend an invitation to attend church with you, but it would be best if your friend comes along due to their own curiosity, feeling comfortable and in control. Don't push too hard. The more your friend has to come to you, the more invested they'll be in the result.
- Change must come from within. You can't motivate someone to become Christian. They must want it for themselves.
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4Recognize when to let go. Not every atheist can be convinced to become a Christian. If a person is resistant to the idea, don't waste your time by pushing more and more. Instead, let it go. They will come back to you (or another Christian) if they change their mind. Focus on ways you can make a real difference in other ways.
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5Keep any prayers for your friend private. Like Jesus, pray with the door closed. If you tell an unhappy atheist that you will pray for them, they may feel insulted, because of the unsaid implication that you are praying for them to change their minds. If God chooses to answer your prayer, it will happen whether the atheist knows about it or not.
Community Q&A
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QuestionHow do I stop Christians from trying to convert me, and learn to stay out of my business?Community Answer•Don't initiate discussion on religion with them. •Politely explain them that you are not interested in converting to Christianity. •Ignore them.
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QuestionWhy are atheists so mean?Community AnswerDon't generalize. Just because some atheists were mean to you doesn't mean all of them are mean. Perhaps you were trying to force your beliefs on them, something which no one appreciates. Most people are not interested in being converted. Instead of actively trying to convert people, try just being a good person. You'll get a much better response.
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QuestionIs Atheism a belief system?Community AnswerAtheism is better defined as a lack of belief. Most atheists choose not to believe in something they have no evidence for, and the choice is logical more than emotional. All atheists are different, and they don't necessarily share beliefs beyond "I don't think God is real."
Warnings
- Don't make an attempt to engage on atheism each and every time you get together. It becomes wearying for both of you, and your friend will begin to avoid you because people don't like to be treated as "Godless sinners", being targeted.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- It is very likely your friend will not convert. Most atheists have a solid view of what they believe, and while most are open to discussion, the chance of one converting is more than unlikely.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Be warned that when approaching the subject of religion with atheists (especially with an eye to conversion) that many atheists you are likely to meet were brought up in or around the Christian faith. Many once believed, honestly and wholeheartedly, were actively involved with their church and held as true all aspects of the faith. In time these ex-Christians, through personal reasons came to a place where they did not hold the beliefs anymore and turned away from them. Frequently they had questions in their religious life and beliefs and went seeking answers, some in discussions with their priest, pastor, peers, and some studied the Bible, studied philosophy, religious history, comparative religion, and science. You may believe you are bringing them a fresh and bight message of good news, one they are unaware of, but they may have a greater academic knowledge of their ideas of their subjects than you do of yours. Such questioning leads to them to dismissing their faith. Some have a background not only of a Christian faith but also have information about a large number of other religions, philosophies, history and science. Also, if they have lived it, they know what it was like to be a believer in church, and had experienced the light and love of God. Many openly admit they miss the clarity and community/cultural aspect of church and Christianity, but believe that to feign a belief simply to re-gain that, would be hypocrisy for them. And, as atheists, they find it hard to pretend. So be careful, and think more than twice before attempting to convert your atheist friend. Talking with your friend on the subject of God and faith just might open questions you can't readily answer, and might cause confusion or doubt.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Insisting that someone discuss or worship in a religion is not effective. No matter what your religion, one should be fully persuaded, but not be treated as "unacceptable". Remember it's up to each person to decide, "but how can anyone believe, except after hearing, and if someone is sent". Jesus said: Peace (don't worry); as the Father has sent me, even so, "I send you". (John 20:21).⧼thumbs_response⧽
- First and foremost, recognize again that there is a good chance you will fail to convert the atheist in question. If you do fail, don't be disheartened! You may either keep trying, or accept this person's beliefs and remain friends (or relatives). Try not to lose a friend you value over whether or not they believe in a God.⧼thumbs_response⧽