How to Love Your Life

Co-authored by Michael Stern

Last Updated: February 5, 2023 References

The best way to live day to day is with love and appreciation. Do you feel like you're missing something, or do you want to learn how to live your life to its highest potential? If you're not sure where to begin, you can start loving your life by discovering the course it should take, improving what you've already got going for you, and removing things that are preventing you from feeling love toward your life.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Discovering Your Path

1
Check in with your current situation. Ask yourself if you are satisfied with your current trajectory in life. If you're in school, are you studying something that motivates you and you feel passion about? If you're working, is your job meaningful? Does the work justify itself? Do you feel good about the work you're doing? If your answer to these questions is no, you may want to consider a new path for your life, whether that means a different field of education, a new job, or a new place to live.^{[1]
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- Bounce these questions off of your friends, too. Tell them you're trying to figure out if you're living in a way that helps you love your life.
2
Reflect on your values. What do you value most in life? If it's your relationships with people, maybe you should be working with people in a field like psychology, social work, or some kind of activism. If it's making a lot of money to provide for your family, maybe you should find a lucrative field that will allow you to make money doing something you enjoy, based on your interests.
- If you aren't living according to your highest values, you will have a hard time loving your life. Try to figure out what you value most and then plan your life around that, rather than blindly pursuing whatever opportunities may show up around you.^{[2]
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- If you're unsure of what your values are, search online for a list of core values and pick out the 5 that resonate the most for you. Write short, clear definitions for each one based on what they mean to you, then think about what habits can help you cultivate those values.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Michael Stern
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 1 July 2020.}
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3
Try new things. If you want to ignite some sparks in your life, put yourself out there and try new activities. Take up painting, fishing, woodwork, yoga, rock climbing, or something else that appeals to you. Bring a friend for even more fun! ^{[4]
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- Think about things you've always wanted to do but never gotten around to. This could be anything from writing poetry to learning how to ice skate.
4
Get an education. Education is a great way to open new doors and new opportunities. Being educated has been linked to higher mental health, social support, and other positive things.^{[5]
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Research source} If you feel stuck in life or just want to bring greater satisfaction to your existence, consider going to college and majoring in a subject that appeals to you.
- You may qualify for government grants to help lessen the costs.
- You can also start at a community college and then transfer to a university later, if you aren't able to afford four years of university.
5
See a career counselor. If you're at a loss with what to do with your life, consider seeing a career counselor. They are trained professionals who can help you figure out a career path based on your abilities and passions. If you're in high school, you may have access to one through your school.
- You aren't obligated to pursue whatever path they suggest, however. Make sure it's something you want to do before you begin preparing for your future in a particular field of work or education.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Improving Your Life

1
Surround yourself with loving people. Having positive, supportive people around you will reduce your stress and keep you happier.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} Loving your life isn't a single person task, we all need the support and love of people we care about and respect.
- If you want to meet new people, try to find them in places related to your interests. Join a book club or find interest groups related to the activities you love, such as chess or video games.
- Make sure to tell them how much you appreciate them and show them by doing things for them. Create love in your life as well as receiving it.
- If you think some people in your life may be negative for you, start determining if those are destructive relationships by keeping a log of how those people treat you and make you feel.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Michael Stern
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 1 July 2020.}
2
Start dating. If you're single but you would like to be in a romantic relationship, put yourself out there to maximize your chances of meeting someone. You can join an online dating website or try an in-person dating service near you, such as speed dating. Alternatively, you can just pursue your passions and try to meet someone in the process. It's easy to meet people if you're in school, if you go to church, or if you have extracurricular activity groups that interest you. Be on the lookout for attractive people.
- Don't be afraid to start conversations. If you think someone is attractive, find an excuse to make small talk with them. Who knows, you might hit it off!
- You don't necessarily need someone to help you love your life, but it doesn't hurt.
3
Join a cause larger than yourself. If you want to really love your life, you should search for activities you can join that reflect something bigger than yourself. Happiness and love are often found indirectly. It may seem appealing to get as much as you can for you and you alone, but this isn't always sustainable or a very meaningful way to live life or love life.^{[8]
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- Try volunteering with a local soup kitchen or nonprofit organization dedicated to social justice.
- Even joining a band or a small group of people with a particular cause can help you feel connected with something larger than yourself.
4
Spend time in nature. Getting out of the house and into nature, whether that means walking/hiking, camping, fishing, or just reading a book, can reduce depression and increase your overall health.^{[9]
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Research source} A nearby park or patch of woods may be a good option.
- You could also convince your friends to have a weekly game of soccer or another sport, combining the positive benefits of exercise with spending time outside.
- If you don't have access to many natural settings where you live, plan a weekend vacation with friends to get out of the city for a while.
5
Start a gratitude practice. Gratitude has a number of proven benefits, from increasing your physical health to lifting your mood and reducing depression. It will also help you appreciate all the positive things in your life and begin to love it, even if there are negative things as well. No one's life is perfect, but if you focus on the positive then you'll be better able to handle the negative.^{[10]
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- Create a gratitude journal. Try to write at least 5-10 things at the end of every day that you're grateful for. This could be the affection and love of your pet, having a nice place to live, making good grades in school, making a good paycheck, having close friends, or being able to enjoy delicious food.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Removing Obstacles

1
Remove negative people from your life. One of the biggest drains of love for your life is being surrounded by people who are constantly negative, whether that means criticizing you or just complaining about everything going on around them. Try to identify these people and distance yourself from them.^{[11]
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- It's obviously more complicated if you are close to these people, like a parent or a best friend. In that case, you may want to try to help them figure out what's going off the rails in their life, so that they can also learn to love their life. Be sure to show them this article.
2
Clean your living space. Messy living spaces can actually have a powerful impact on your mind. They can signal to you that having a messy life is acceptable. They can also cause you to feel less powerful and less in control of what's going around you. If you want to love your life, you need to feel a sense of mastery, like you are capable of handling the challenges that life will throw your way. With this in mind, be sure to keep your living areas clean, so that you won't have this extra baggage of messiness in the back of your mind.
- If there's a huge mess to deal with, focus on one area at a time. You can also focus on different types of mess at a time: get all the trash out first, then put your clothes away, then deal with smaller miscellaneous items.
3
Take a look at your work-life balance. It's not always easy to cut back on work, but if you think you are overworking yourself and suffering because of it, try to find ways to correct that imbalance.^{[12]
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- Self-care has become a bit of a cliche but is essential. You have to protect time and space to keep yourself resourced, otherwise you have nothing to give to others and risk burning out.^{[13]
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  Expert Source
  
  Michael Stern
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 1 July 2020.}
- Go back to school if you aren't making enough to live on.
- If you're able, take a pay cut to work fewer hours or have fewer responsibilities.
- Search for new jobs that would allow you more freedom to live your life.
4
Make a "changes" list. Write down a list of things you'd like to change about your life that you think would help you love your life more fully. This could be anything from exercising more often to cooking more and eating out less.^{[14]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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- Try to focus on small goals at first, or lay out larger goals in manageable steps. It won't help to plan to make huge lifestyle changes if you bite off more than you can chew and end up discouraged.
- Instead of planning to run a marathon, start with half a mile or a mile. That way you can feel accomplished at each milestone and keep your motivation up.
5
Repair your relationships. If you're having a lot of conflict with a friend or family member, if you're not speaking to someone you care about, make an effort to repair the relationship. Healthy relationships are important to your well-being and will help you to love your life.^{[15]
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- Try to communicate effectively with them. You can say "I'm sad that we've been having difficulties lately. Is there anything you'd like to say to me, or anything I can do to make things better?" Even if you feel like it's someone else's fault, take the initiative to repair the situation for both of your sake.
- If the relationship is beyond repair, try to see it as an opportunity to make new friends and start a new chapter in your life, rather than seeing it only as an ending or a failure.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I discover my strengths?

Michael Stern
Life Coach
Michael Stern is a life coach and the owner of Integral Alignment, a coaching and training business focused on a holistic approach to optimizing one's health, work, love, play, and spirituality. Michael began his professional training in 2011 as an Integral Spiritual Mentor through One Spirit Learning Alliance, and has been certified as both a hatha yoga instructor and an Emotional Intelligence Coach through GolemanEI. In addition to his private 1:1 and groupwork, he has hosted workshops with thought leaders such as Frederic Laloux, Charles Eisenstein, and Thomas Hübl. Michael holds a BA in Spanish Language from Vanderbilt University and lives in Portland, Maine.

Michael Stern

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Try looking online for tools that use quizzes to determine what your personality or character strengths are. Two good online tools to help with this are StrengthsFinder and the Institute on Character.