How to Like and Accept Hugs

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: June 10, 2022 References

Does it ever feel like everybody in the world loves hugs except for you? There are actually plenty of people who are uncomfortable being hugged, but if you want to learn to enjoy it, our guide may help!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Practicing Hugging

1
Ask for help. Is there one person you feel comfortable hugging, like a close friend or a family member? Find somebody who will not make you feel weird that you don’t like to hug, and maybe suggest ways to make your hug feel more natural.
- For example, you could ask a friend to grade you, or rate you on your hug. You can make a game out of it and make it easier for your friend to give you a bad, but honest assessment. Hearing from your friend that your hug is a D-plus or a 3 is easier to swallow than “That was a terrible hug, yuck.”
- Ask how you can improve. They may give you some useful feedback like, “Don’t be so stiff,” or “Come closer, because you feel really far away.”
2
Practice relaxation techniques. Hugs are bad for both people if one person is rigid. Find some strategies to help yourself stay relaxed.
- Take a deep breath and exhale.^{[1]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Medical School
  Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
  Go to source}
- Get the tension out of your arms by consciously tensing them up, holding the tension for a few seconds, and then relaxing. Your arms will feel more relaxed. You can try this technique with your whole body as well.^{[2]
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  Research source}
- Don’t put pressure on yourself to “get it right.” It’s just a hug! If you are hugging someone, it’s presumably because you care about them. Chances are they care about you, too, and won’t judge you on how you do it.
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3
Hug your pillow. Yes, it sounds a little strange. But no one needs to know you are doing it. Pretend the pillow is a person and practice relaxing into the pillow. Figure out where your arms and head feel most comfortable.
4
Work up to it. Don’t jump right into big bear hugs if you are not a touchy-feely person. Take small steps toward your goal of a full hug, by breaking the action down into smaller steps. Once you are comfortable with the small action, move on to the next, bigger action. For example, you might progress this way:
- Shaking hands
- Touching other person’s upper arm
- Putting your arm around them (AKA the side hug)
- Putting one arm around their shoulders while facing them
- Full hug
5
Discover some benefits to hugging. Hugging may not feel very natural or comfortable to you, but there are lots of reasons to give and receive hugs. They do more than just show affection. For example, hugs:
- Reduce stress.^{[3]
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  Research source} Hugs trigger your brain to produce oxytocin, which helps you feel relaxed and thus, less stressed. ^{[4]
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  Research source}
- Keep you healthy. Stress taxes your immune system. If you are receiving hugs, you are reducing your stress level. Because you are feeling less stressed, you are less likely to get sick. ^{[5]
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  Research source}
- Help you feel connected to others. Oxytocin is known as “the bonding hormone,” which is the same hormone triggered in new mothers following the birth of a baby. Hugs help you feel that others are supporting you and reduce the feeling of loneliness, itself a stressor.^{[6]
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  Research source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Accepting a Hug

1
Have welcoming body language. In order for you to accept a hug, someone needs to want to give you one. You will not get a hug if you look uncomfortable or unfriendly.
- Face the person who wants to hug you and smile.
- Hold your arms out at your sides, ready to receive a hug. Don’t cross your arms or keep them straight at your sides.
2
Accept a hug with confidence. Are you ready to embrace a hug with open arms (pun intended)? Here are some things to keep in mind when you are hugging someone:
- When hugging, try to tilt your head in the opposite direction to the person. If they turn their head to the left, go right. Otherwise you'll end up bumping heads, and that's super awkward.
- When you put your arms around them, try not to stick your elbows out awkwardly. It feels more natural to the person being hugged to have your elbows closer toward them.
- A hug doesn't have to be long. A few seconds is completely appropriate.
3
Focus on the things you like about the hug. Does it make you feel warm or relaxed? Did it make you smile? Remember those feelings for the next time you hug someone. This will help you associate positive feelings with being hugged.
4
Signal the end of the hug. If you are just getting comfortable with hugs, you may not want to be hugged for that long. Here are some body language cues that you could try to indicate you are finished hugging:
- Giving the person a quick, tighter squeeze, then backing out of the hug.
- Stepping back and briefly putting your hands on the person’s upper arms as you back out.
- Transition to a sideways hug and pull away.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Accepting Your Personal Preferences

1
Figure out some alternatives to hugging. If you’re not comfortable with hugs, there are other ways you may feel more comfortable expressing warmth, friendliness, or comfort. Consider shaking hands, patting someone on the back, or putting an arm around them instead.
2
Give others social cues. If you don’t like hugging, make sure you let people know. You can tell the truth and say, for example, “I’m sorry, I’ve never liked being hugged,” or you can try another strategy:
- When you see someone approaching with their arms out, offer your hand to shake instead. Most of the time, people will pick up on this nonverbal cue.
- Put your hand up in front of you (like you’re telling someone to wait) and say, “You might not want to hug me, I’m just getting over a terrible cold.”
- Make a joke out of it. “I’m the world’s worst hugger, you don’t want to hug me!” and pull back.
- Just get hugged for a second and pull away quickly.
3
Go easy on yourself. There's no rule in this world that you have to give and enjoy hugs. It's a personal preference, and you shouldn't force yourself to learn to enjoy them just to fit in. Just as some people don’t like being in big crowds or in small spaces, you simply have a different comfort level than others.
4
Decide if it is a bigger problem. If you have a genuine fear of being touched by someone else, you may have haphephobia.^{[7]
X
Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} You may wish to seek counseling to help you get over your phobia.

Community Q&A

Question

Why don’t I like being touched?

Community Answer

There could be many reasons, including personal preference. It's okay to not want to be touched or hugged. I think you should just tell your friends that you aren't comfortable with hugs or being touched.