How to Know if You Stand a Chance with Someone You Like

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: October 24, 2022 References

Though it can be very exciting to have a crush, it can be nerve-wracking as well. Making the first move might be scary, but remember that more often than not, many people are attracted to you without your knowledge. Through assessing the situation, reflecting on the signs, and flirting with the person you like, you can determine if the feelings are mutual.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Assessing Social Clues

1
Assess your current status with them. If you have never spoken to the person you like, this could be potentially advantageous or problematic for you, depending upon the situation. If you are already friends with them or know them in some capacity, it may be easier to approach them with this information — and more risky. The more aware you are of your status with them currently, the better able you will be to develop an approach that will be successful.
- If they are currently in a relationship, you should respect that relationship and not initiate any romantic contact.
- If you are just acquaintances, you stand very little risk, but you also don’t know if they like you at all. You should assess their actions and move forward if you think you could have a chance or it feels important to you to express your feelings (though you should be good at handling rejection and not taking it personally before you take this risk blindly).
- If you are just friends, you know them already, but you also run the risk of messing up your friendship. Think about if changing your friendship is worth it and if you could still be friends if they are not interested.
2
Talk to your friends. Your friends, particularly those who know the person you like, will be able to give you invaluable insight into whether or not you have a chance with them. Think about which friends will be honest with you — some of your friends may be too afraid to hurt your feelings and encourage you, even if they don't think you really have a chance with that person. If you have a friend with a history of being honest with you, even in difficult situations, ask their opinion of whether or not you should make a move on the person you like.
- The next time you all are around the person you like, ask your friends to pay attention to the situation so they can give you feedback later.
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3
Plan a group outing. A group outing is a great way to assess their level of interest in a non-threatening way. Plan a trip to the bowling alley, movie theater, or mall and invite them as well as your mutual friends. This is a great way to interact with them in a safe setting and have your friends exist as buffers should you get nervous or should things get awkward. If they try to stay close to you throughout the night, more so than with others, you can determine that you do have a chance with them.
- Group outings are also a great way to allow them to see you having fun which could result in them developing an interest in you.
4
Watch their friends. Often times, when people have a crush, they tell their friends and their friends give away clues. Notice if when you are around them, if their friends make little jokes or hint at a relationship between the two of you. If they encourage physical contact, like trying to make the two of you hold hands, this could also be a sign that your crush is crushing on you, as well.^{[1]
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5
Check out their social media. See if they have posted anything lately about having a crush or being interested in someone. Don’t search too far back into their history, however. Opt instead to just skim over what kinds of things they have been posting over the past few weeks. You never know, one of their statuses or tweets could be about you!
- This may also help you figure out if there's someone else in the picture. If they post something like, "Had and incredible day with someone really special!" and you didn't see them all day, then you might consider that they have a crush on someone else.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Reflecting on Your Interactions

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See if they allow you into their personal space. If your crush backs away from you when you get close, this could be a sign that they are not interested. If they remain in the same spot or move closer to you, however, then perhaps they do like you.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} When you are interested in someone, often times you want to maintain a closeness with that person.
- Think about if your crush goes one step further and initiates contact with you. Do they give you high fives, hug, or tickle you? This may indicate they have feelings for you, too.
2
Reflect on how often they try to spend time with you. One of the true markers of whether someone is interested is if they make an effort to be around you. If you do not know the person, this information may be less relevant, but if you are already friends or if you are in a class together, this can easily be assessed.^{[3]
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- If they try to spend alone time with you, this could be a sign that they like you.
- If they try to be your partner on a group project or sit with you at lunch, this could also be a sign that they are interested.
- Also consider how much and often they text or call you and if they regularly like or comment on your social media posts.
- If you are acquaintances, notice if they say hello or make an effort to chat with you when you cross paths.
3
Assess their level of engagement. One surefire way to know if someone is interested is to assess the kinds and quality of interactions the two of you have. Typically, when someone likes you, they will try to learn more about you, often through asking questions.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} They also tend to notice you more closely than the average person or friend would. Think back on any times that your crush remembered something about you or something you told them in the past. If you can think of such times, then it is likely that they like you.^{[5]
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- Consider the kinds of questions they ask you. The deeper the questions, the more likely it is that they are interested.
4
Assess their body language. Beyond them trying to get closer to you, consider other ways that people show interest via body language. Often times, when someone makes eye contact with you when you are speaking or when they are speaking to you, this can be an indicator of attraction.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Eye contact is a way that people show interest in the conversation and, by extension, how they express interest in others.^{[7]
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- Notice as well how they interact with others. If you see them being touchy feely with everyone else, but not with you, then perhaps they are not interested. At the same time, treating you differently from everyone else could indicate they feel nervous around you. Because body language can be confusing, try to look at other factors, as well.
- Notice if they face you in a crowd, gravitate towards you, or sit near you when possible.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Flirting with Them

1
See how they react to your touch. Their reaction to your touch says a lot. You might try touching them on the arm during conversation, such as when they make you laugh, or even resting your head on their shoulder if you are friends. These are great ways to test how comfortable they are around you. If they don't like you, they will likely tense up, and this can serve as your sign to stop touching them in that moment.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} However, if they feel comfortable with you, they will act normal or even better, eventually start touching you back! If they start touching you back, this is one of the biggest signs that they may develop feelings for you.
- Try touching their shoulder randomly for a second or two while they’re speaking or elbowing them gently and casually in the arm when they make a funny joke.
- The safest way to touch them is to mirror the ways they touch you. If they do things like nudge you in the shoulder or hug you when they see you, then you can do those things with them as well, without them first initiating.
2
Change up your body language. Flirtation and expressing affection for someone is about much more than just words. Your body can also express your feelings. Use your body language to make gestures that indicate that you like them.^{[9]
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- Lean into them slightly when they talk.
- Look softly at them in their eyes when they speak.
- Smile brightly at them when you see them or when they say something cute.
- Laugh at their jokes.
- Put your hand on their shoulder briefly when you laugh at them or touch their knee briefly when you sit side by side and are speaking to them.
- You can also hug them when you see them and when you are about to leave.
3
Compliment them more. This is a great way to let someone know you like them without actually having to tell them. Most people enjoy receiving compliments and your crush is likely no exception. If they look particularly attractive one day, let them know. If they do well on a school project or an assignment at work, let them know that you admire their intelligence and work ethic.^{[10]
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Research source} If this is a little too bold for you, you might simply say, "It's been really fun talking to you," as you part ways.
- Don’t overdo the compliments, however. Too much of a good thing can sometimes be a bad thing. Stick to once or twice weekly for a while.
4
Show interest in them. Being a good listener is often a very attractive quality, and it shows that you are interested in their lives, interests, and opinions. When your crush is talking, ask questions and make eye contact so they know you are listening. Try to remember key parts of the conversation so you can bring it up again later.
- For instance, if your crush was talking about a band that they like, you might go home and listen to them. The next time you see your crush, you can say, "Hey, I checked out that band you were talking about!"
- Or if your crush says they are nervous about a big test coming up, you can follow up later by asking them how it went.
5
Be respectful. Whether your crush likes you or not, you should always maintain respect for them. People respond positively to being respected and treated well and your crush is no different. Whether you begin dating this person or if they ask you to maintain your distance, never speak badly of them and always respect their boundaries.^{[11]
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- In addition to only speaking kindly of them, respect their wishes. If they ask you to tone it down on the flirting, you should do so. Give them the space that they need.
6
Go for it! If you have determined that you have a chance with your crush, whether that chance is slight or large, you should go for it. Set aside some time to talk to them in person and tell them how you feel. Do it in a quiet space like a park so that noise does not distract them. Face to face interaction is best, but if you cannot do so, you can also write them a letter or call them on the phone. Good luck!
- Remember that if they are not interested in dating you, it's not a reflection on you. It simply means this isn't the person for you. You deserve to be with someone who is excited to date you, so try not to waste any more time on this person.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Evaluating the Situation

1
Evaluate your feelings. Before you make a decision to pursue this person fully, you should think critically and carefully about why you like them and why you want develop a relationship with them. Sometimes, we find ourselves developing false attractions to others just because they are popular or because someone else likes them. Take a few moments to think about the things that you like or that intrigue you about this person and determine if a relationship with them is worth exploring.^{[12]
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- For instance, if you want to date them just because they are attractive, this may not be a good enough reason to pursue a relationship.
- However, if your heart skips a beat when you see them or if it makes you jealous to see them date other people, your feelings may be worth exploring.
2
Journal your thoughts. After taking some time to think about the person you like and why you like them, consider writing out your thoughts on paper or in your diary. Many people benefit from processing their thoughts via writing and this can often help elicit thoughts and feelings that you may not have been aware of.
- Write out a pros and cons list of pursuing a relationship with this person.
3
Determine if they are a good match for you. Often times, we can be so caught up in the emotions of liking someone that we forget to consider logic. Though having a crush can be an exciting time, it can also be a time when people make foolish decisions. Certainly follow your heart, but make sure your head is involved in the process.^{[13]
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- Consider the values this person has and if they align with your own values. For instance, if you are very religious but this person is not, that could be a problem in the future. Don’t ignore this.
- If you don't know the person very well, you may not know much yet about their values. You can, however, look for any glaring red flags. For instance, you may have heard that this person is always getting hauled into the principal's office for bad behavior, or has even been in trouble with the law. As cute and mysterious as this person might seem, this is a red flag that you probably shouldn't date them.
4
Talk to someone you trust. Though your friends can be a great source of help and support, sometimes you can’t beat the advice of mom and dad. They have likely experienced many more crushes in their lives than your friends have and might have very good advice on how to proceed and whether or not you should proceed at all.
- You might say something like “Hey Mom, I was wondering have you ever had a crush on someone but didn’t know if you have a chance with them? I’d like some advice.”
5
Work on overcoming your shyness. Perhaps you are a person who keeps to themselves and is very quiet. You may find it difficult or stressful to make friends or interact with new people. Instead of thinking of yourself as being nervous, consider yourself as being excited. Often times, the feelings these emotions elicit are very similar but it is up to us to control our minds so that we can be the masters of our own destiny. Stay calm, take deep breaths, and approach the situation with confidence and excitement.
- Make a list of your strengths to help boost your confidence.
- Try writing out what you would like to say to your crush. Practice your conversation in the mirror, and visualize the conversation going really well.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I know when to let go of a crush?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If the other person tries to pull away from you when you get closer or they don't seem interested in talking to you, then it might be time to move on and let go.
Question

How do I tell a girl I like her?

Community Answer

The best thing to do is just be honest and direct. Pay her a compliment and ask her if she'd like to go out with you.
Question

How do I know if I stand a chance if the person is shy?

Community Answer

Observe him and see what he likes! If he likes books, see what books he likes and read one (or just carry it around and make sure he sees you with it!). If he likes a particular subject in school, try approaching him and asking him for help with that subject. Then follow the tips in the article to see if he might like you back!