How to Keep a Parenting Journal

Co-authored by Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.

Last Updated: February 24, 2023 References

Most people keep parenting journals either to keep records for custody cases or to preserve memories for their family. While custody journals should be objective records, journals for families should capture the emotions associated with memories. When keeping either type of journal, though, you will want to write as often as possible and record as much as you can.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Keeping a Journal for Custody Cases

1
Write consistently. When keeping a custody journal, it’s imperative that you write in it regularly in order to make it as reliable and authoritative as possible. By recording information every day -- or even several times a day -- you can be sure that what you are writing is as accurate and useful as possible.^{[1]
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- If you write less often, you run the risk of being vague and nonspecific. You may also simply forget details you meant to record.
2
Stay objective. While custody situations can be stressful, you need to remain as objective as possible in your custody journal. This is not an opportunity to vent your frustrations or demonize the other parent. Journal entries that are obviously emotional will be less useful in a legal setting.
- If you feel like you need to work through your emotions by writing them down, try keeping a completely separate journal or diary. That way you can express yourself without compromising your custody journal.
- An example of appropriate objective writing is: “John picked up our child at 4:00. The scheduled pick-up time was 3:00.” An inappropriate account of the same event would say something like: “John was late again today, like usual. He is so irresponsible and a bad parent.”
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3
Keep a detailed record of your child’s schedule. Your attorney will need as many facts about your child’s life and well-being as possible. To help your attorney, keep a detailed log of what your child does on a daily basis. You can note things like medical appointments, extracurricular activities, time spent with friends, and so on. The more information you can provide the better. ^{[2]
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4
Note your role in your child’s life. Record when you drive them to appointments, make them meals, help with homework, and anything else you do to help raise them. You will want to make sure that your custody journal demonstrates the important role you play in your child’s life.
5
Keep notes on all communication with the other parent. You should make a note of each time you communicate with the other parent, whether in person or electronically. Write down details about the time, date, method, and length of the communication. You should also note the topic of the conversation, but you do not have to do so in great detail. ^{[3]
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- Include screenshots or printouts of the communication, if possible.
6
Track the other parent’s responsibilities. You will want to keep detailed notes about how well the other parent fulfills their responsibilities. Make a note of pick-up times and drop-off times. If the other parent starts to shirk responsibilities, make a note of each instance. Remember to stay objective though.^{[4]
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- To make sure you remain objective, you should also note each time the other parent fulfills responsibilities. For instance, you can write down something like: “Sarah took our child to the dentist today and brought her back home on time.”
7
Record what your child says about the other parent. How your child feels about the other parent is very important, so you should try to capture that as well as you can. One of the best ways to do this is to keep notes about the things your child says about the other parent, using direct quotes. You don’t have to force your child to say things about the other parent, but write it down whenever the topic comes up.^{[5]
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- As always, record the good along with the bad in order to make sure you’re staying objective.
- Focus on the child’s behavior rather than your own impressions. Instead of saying, “John is very emotional and sad today,” write, “John frowned all morning. He cried to 15 minutes at 1pm.”
8
Track your child’s mood and behavior. To keep track of how your custody situation is affecting a child’s emotional health, you should take detailed notes about how they are behaving. If a child behaves differently than usual after being around the other parent, you can make a note of that.^{[6]
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- By keeping track of your child’s mental health in this way, you can also be sure that you come to a custody arrangement that is best for them.
9
Record your child’s performance in school. You can also keep track of your child’s well-being by recording their performance in school and any extracurricular activities. You want to be able to determine if your custody arrangement is affecting your child’s ability to succeed in school in any way.^{[7]
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- You should note test scores and report cards, whether they are good or bad.
- If your child is having behavioral problems in school, keep track of these as well.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Keeping a Journal for Family Memories

1
Choose a writing method you like. You can choose to write your parenting journal in whatever manner you would like. You can write with a pen or pencil in a physical journal or write electronically on your laptop or tablet. The most important thing is to choose a method that will enable you to write as frequently and easily as possible.^{[8]
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- As with a custody journal, you should write as often as you can. This ensures that you can be as specific and detailed as possible.
2
Start journaling when you know you are expecting. If you’re writing because you want to document your child’s life and share your parenting journey with your family, you should start as soon as you can. The day you find out you’re expecting can be a perfect time to start a parenting journal. This way you will be able to record as many of your thoughts and experiences as possible.^{[9]
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3
Track milestones. A parenting journal is a great place to record milestones in your child’s life, such as when they take their first step or say their first word. Whenever anything that seems significant happens to your child, simply note the event and when it happened in your parenting journal.^{[10]
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- You can determine what counts as a milestone however you want. Even if something seems relatively small, you should record it if it’s important to you and your child.
- You can also use a baby book instead of a blank journal. Baby books are mainly blank but are broken into sections devoted to developmental milestones, such as losing teeth.
- Include pictures of big moments in a child’s life to help preserve the memories even better.
4
Express your emotions. Don’t just record what happened during the day, describe how you feel about it. You will want your parenting journal to preserve not just facts but the emotional experiences of your family. When you write about something cute your child has done, describe how it made you feel. This will make your journal a touching record a period in your family’s life that goes by very quickly.^{[11]
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- One day, your children will read this journal and will be curious to learn about what you were like at this time. The more details about your emotional state you can provide, the more you can satisfy that curiosity.
5
Focus on the positive. You don’t need to stay away from negative topics entirely, but you don’t want to dwell on them. Being too negative could hurt the feelings of your child if you end up sharing the journal with them. You want to make sure you’re focusing mainly on the happy moments that you and your child share together.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.
Parent Educator & Coach
Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.}
6
Show your journal to your child when they’re ready. One of the goals of a family parenting journal is to be able to use it to show your kids what their early life was like, as they will have no memories of it. Whenever you feel your child is ready to see what you’ve written and documented, you can share it with them.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Kathy Slattengren, M.Ed.
Parent Educator & Coach
Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.}
- If you’ve written a lot about yourself and your emotions, you may want to wait until your child is more mature.

Parenting Journal Entry Template

Sample Parenting Journal Entry Template

Community Q&A

Question

Why do I need to have a lock on my diary?

Community Answer

You don't necessarily need a physical lock, that was only an example of how to keep it private. This is so anyone you don't want to read it won't.

Warnings

Create a backup if you are keeping an electronic parenting journal. Computers crash and Internet connections fail. Be sure you are backing up what you write on a CD, flash drive or the server of any website or application you are using.

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