How Do Nerdy Guys Flirt? 11 Subtle Signs He's Flirting with You

Co-authored by Michelle Jacoby and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: January 20, 2022 References

Nerdy guys are passionate, thoughtful, and motivated, which makes them particularly irresistible. They are also often a little shy, which can make figuring out if they're flirting with you a bit of a challenge. Thankfully, there's actually a ton of ways a nerdy guy might make his affection known. Read on for some key signs that a nerdy guy is flirting with you, along with some tips on how to flirt back.

1

He smiles at you.

He might grin every time you walk by because he's too shy to say hello. Smiling at someone is usually a way to show them that you like them or want to talk to them.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.} Notice if your nerdy crush smiles at you often. That's a subtle sign that he is flirting with you.^{[2]
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- To flirt back, smile at him in return. You might even take it as an invitation to start up a conversation. Say something like, "Hey, how's your day going?"

2

He asks you questions.

His move might simply be taking an interest in your life. Does this nerdy guy often ask you about your hobbies, what you were up to over the weekend, or how your day is going? These questions suggest that he wants to learn more about you (a huge sign that he likes you and is being flirty).
- Show him that you like him back by answering his questions and asking some of your own. You might say, "My weekend was pretty fun! I caught a movie with some friends. What were you up to?"

3

He strikes up intellectual conversations with you.

A nerdy guy might use his intelligence to flirt.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.} Instead of wooing you with over-the-top pickup lines, he might approach you to talk about thought-provoking subjects like pop culture, politics, or space travel. He's likely trying to impress you with his wealth of knowledge.^{[4]
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- He might want to talk about movies, TV, or video games. For example, he might come up to you at a party and ask, "Have you ever seen Dark Crystal?" Say something like, "I haven't! Do you recommend it?" to flirt back.
- He may text you the link to a news story on the latest in politics with a message like, "Just read this and thought of you. Would love to know your thoughts 😊" If you like him back, read the article and text him some of your takeaways.

4

He opens up to you about his interests.

He might flirt with you simply by being himself around you. Does he often blurt out a ton of information about the stuff that he's into, like Star Trek or alternative guitar tunings? This is a big sign he's trying to show you who he is in an effort to get you to like him.^{[5]
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- If he just went on a 10-minute spiel about the best rock drummers of the 20th century, respond with something like, "Wow, that's fascinating. Do you play the drums, too?"

5

He listens to what you have to say.

Taking an active interest in what you say is a subtle flirting technique. As you're talking to him, a nerdy guy might make eye contact, lean in closer to you, or simply give you his full attention (he won't be texting or looking at his phone, for example). If he's doing any of these things during your conversation, odds are he's being flirty and showing you that he's invested in what you have to say.^{[6]
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- If you like him, make sure you always listen to him, too. Practice active listening strategies, like nodding as he speaks, leaning in yourself, and asking follow-up questions.
- If he just told you about his Magic: The Gathering obsession, you might ask, "How did you first get into playing?"

6

He gives you sweet compliments.

He might flatter you to try to win your affection. Nerdy men are usually very perceptive and observant, so his compliments might feel more personable and unique to you. He might compliment your silly sense of humor or your one-of-a-kind sense of style. If he's taking notice and letting you know what he likes about you, he is definitely flirting with you.
- He may say something like, "I love that sweater. You've always got the best outfits 😍" or "You've got a really nice smile."
- It takes a lot of guts for nerdy guys to compliment you, so if you like him back, say something nice to him in return. You might try, "You've got such a cute laugh" or "I love that shirt. You look so handsome!"

7

He finds reasons to spend time with you.

He's probably flirting if always has an excuse to be by your side. Does this guy always hang out with you when you're working a shift together or frequently walk you home if you were spending time together? If he's taking any chance he can to be with you, he's likely pretty smitten with you.
- Tell him you enjoy spending time with him so that he keeps coming back. You might say something like, "Being with you makes work bearable" or "I love walking and talking with you. Thanks for always walking me home."

8

He is physically affectionate with you.

Does he often hug you or touch your shoulder to greet you? Any type of physical affection like this suggests that he's really into you. If he's too shy to actually touch you, he might simply have open body language, like getting closer to you as you speak and mimicking your movements.^{[7]
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- Show him that you like this attention by reciprocating it. Greet him by giving him a hug or even a kiss on the cheek if you're feeling bold. He may be looking for a sign that it's okay to go ahead and kiss you.

9

He texts or DMs you often.

He might do this if he's too shy to talk to you in person.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.} Do you often wake up to sweet texts messages from him or always seem to get DMs after you've posted a cute selfie? If you do, he's likely crushing on you big time.
- Reply to his messages with flirty texts and DMs of your own. If he gets responses every time, that'll likely be the encouragement he needs to start flirting with you in person.

10

He likes your social media posts.

In this day and age, hitting the like button is a major flirting tactic. A nerdy guy might flirt by liking your posts every time you share anything on Instagram or Twitter. If he's really into you, he may even like an old post of yours.
- You might try liking his posts, too, to be a little playful. If you're getting impatient to actually talk to him, reply to his story or DM him after he likes one of your posts. You might say something like, "Hey, what're you up to tonight? 🙂"

11

He asks you out.

If he's feeling bold, a nerdy guy might simply ask you out on a date. Nerdy guys can be confident, too, and he might just like you enough to go for it. If he wants to spend one-on-one time with you, whether it be at an arcade bar or a midnight movie, he is definitely into you and putting on the moves.
- If you like him back, say yes! You might say something like, "That sounds so fun. Can't wait!"
- If he's been flirting with you but hasn't asked you out yet, don't fret. He might be afraid you'll say no. Go ahead and ask him out so that the two of you can get to know each other better.
- You might try, "I've got an extra ticket to a Weezer concert next weekend. Wanna come?"

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you start a flirty conversation online?

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Michelle Jacoby is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder and CEO of DC Matchmaking, a privately owned, boutique matchmaking company based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She is also the Co-Founder of The Matchmakers Alliance, an international industry organization for matchmakers. With over 12 years of experience, Michelle specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships. She has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post, Self, and NPR. Michelle holds a BA in Psychology from George Washington University. She is also a Certified Matchmaker from The Matchmakers Institute as well as a Certified Body Language Expert from The Body Language Institute.

Michelle Jacoby

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Text messaging doesn't have any tone, though, it's very easy to take things the wrong way. Learn how to write messages with a tone, which includes big words like awesome, use exclamation points, and lots of emojis. As a rule of thumb, whether it's in person, or online, provide positive comments and compliments. Positively present yourself and be enthusiastic when having a conversation online.