How to Hold a Sleepover with Boys and Girls

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: January 30, 2022

Sleepovers are traditionally one-gender only, but nowadays lots of people host fun sleepovers where everybody is invited. They can be a little tricky to pull off though—you have to convince your parents that it’s okay first! You also have to plan activities everyone will enjoy and make sure things don’t get too out of hand! Learning how to handle these issues will help you plan the perfect sleepover.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Convincing Your Parents

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Act responsibly for a few weeks before you ask. Your parents are much more likely to agree with your sleepover plans if they feel that you’re responsible enough to host a mixed-gender sleepover. Get them in the right frame of mind to agree by acting as responsibly as you can for a few weeks before you ask. Do your chores without being told, listen to what your parents say, and keep your grades up.^{[1]
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2
Mention your idea to your parents to see how they react. Give your parents time to think about the idea of a mixed-gender sleepover before you ask by mentioning it casually beforehand. They’re much less likely to reject the idea immediately if they’ve already given it some thought.^{[2]
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- You can say something like “My friend Sarah was telling me that she went to a co-ed sleepover a few weeks ago, and it was really fun and nothing got out of hand.”
- If they react badly to the idea, don’t argue with them. Just say that you understand why they’re worried, but that you still think it can be done responsibly.
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3
Ask your parents directly if you can have a mixed-gender sleepover. A few days later, ask your parents directly if they would be okay with you hosting a mixed-gender sleepover. You can say something like “Remember the sleepover I was telling you about the other day? I was thinking it might be fun to have one here. What do you think?”^{[3]
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- Don’t be afraid to talk about ways that you and your friends have proved your maturity and responsibility.
- Point out that single-gender sleepovers have many of the same risks as mixed-gender ones--not everyone is cisgender and heterosexual!
- If you’re planning to only invite platonic friends, reassure your parents that this is just a chance for friends to hang out.
- Offer to take on more responsibilities if they agree.
- If they absolutely refuse to consider it, accept it.
4
Agree with any requests they make. If your parents agree, but want you to abide by certain rules and conditions, don’t argue with them. It won’t ruin your party if your parents want people to sleep in separate rooms or want veto power over the guest list. Your friends will understand that you can’t change your house rules.^{[4]
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Let your parents talk to your friends’ parents. It will be a lot easier to get everyone’s permission if you let your parents talk to your friends’ parents. Make sure they have phone numbers or Facebook profiles for the parents of anyone you know you want to invite.^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Planning the Sleepover

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Make a guest list. Invite friends that you know will get along with everyone and won’t cause any trouble. It’s probably best to invite people you already know very well--it will be easier to get permission.^{[6]
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- Talk to your parents about how many people you can invite over before you ask anyone. If you don’t have a limit, between six and ten people is usually best for sleepovers.
- If you're worried about sexual activity, it might be best to avoid inviting people who are dating or hooking up with each other.
2
Plan your sleeping arrangements. Decide if you want everyone to sleep in the same room, or if you’d rather divide people by gender, orientation, or by couples. This might be predetermined by your parents’ rules or your home’s layout! Make sure that every guest has a place to sleep and that you ask guests to bring sleeping bags if you don’t have enough bedding.^{[7]
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- Make sure you have backup sleeping arrangements. It’s possible that some of your friends may be uncomfortable with your sleeping arrangement plan. For example, if someone is uncomfortable sharing a room with boys, make sure they have somewhere else to sleep.
3
Buy food and drinks for everyone. Plan what to serve at your sleepover. Pizza is always a crowd-pleaser, but you can also try takeout or even a home-cooked meal. Make sure you provide snacks too--try popcorn, chips, and cookies. Plan for each person to have about two pounds of food.^{[8]
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- If you serve alcohol, make sure you also provide non-alcoholic drinks like soda, water, or juice--even people who drink will need a break. Make sure people drink responsibly.
4
Plan some gender-neutral activities. Traditional sleepover activities are usually geared to one gender, but if you’re having a mixed-gender sleepover, try some fun that everyone can enjoy. Try watching movies, playing popular video games, or even just talking and hanging out.^{[9]
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- Ask your friends what they like to do at sleepovers.
5
Talk to your friends about any rules or expectations you have. If you or your parents have any specific rules or expectations, talk to your friends about them when they’re invited. Let them know ahead of time if you don’t want any sexual situations at all, if you expect people to sleep divided by gender, if you won’t allow drinking, or anything like that.^{[10]
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6
Be prepared for sexual situations. Even if you don’t want sex at your sleepover, it’s possible that there will be sexual situations. Be prepared by talking to your friends about house rules, consent, and protection. You don’t have to provide protection or lecture your friends, but you should be prepared.^{[11]
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- For example, you could say "I don't want anything to get out of hand, but if you guys decide to hook up, can you make sure you go somewhere private and use protection?"
7
Clean your house. Make sure your house is clean before the sleepover starts. Vacuum, wipe off countertops and tables, and put away anything lying out. Be sure to clean up the entire house--you never know where guests will go!^{[12]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Enjoying the Sleepover

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Set out food and drinks. Make sure everyone knows where to get food and drinks. Put hot food and snacks out on the counter or a table. If you have to leave something in the fridge or a cooler, let them know where to find it.^{[13]
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Make sure everyone feels included. A good host makes sure everybody is having a good time. If you notice anyone sitting by themselves or being left out of activities, help them feel included by going over and spending some time with them yourself.^{[14]
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Let your friends know they don’t need to do anything they’re uncomfortable with. If some of your friends are uncomfortable with anything that’s going on, don’t just ignore them. Talk to them and let them know they don’t have to do or watch anything they aren’t comfortable with. It might be a good idea to have a backup movie or video game handy.^{[15]
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4
Keep everyone entertained. Don’t expect your guests to entertain themselves. Make sure you keep streaming services or video games on and ready to go, movies out, and games set up for everybody to enjoy. If you notice people acting bored, ask them what they’d like to do.
- Don’t worry too much about sticking to plans. If everybody’s having a good time, it’s okay if you don’t watch the movie.
5
Check in with your parents. Make sure you check in with them to reassure them that everything is going well. If they’re at home, let them come in and say hi. If they aren’t, text them every couple of hours so they don’t worry. You don't have to provide detailed updates or anything--just let them know if there's a problem.^{[16]
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Tell people to stop if things get out of hand. If people start behaving in ways you aren’t comfortable with (or that you might get in trouble for!), don’t be afraid to tell them to stop. You don’t have to yell at them in front of everyone--just take them aside and ask them to calm down.^{[17]
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- You could say something like "Hey, this is getting out of hand. You're making everyone feel uncomfortable and I'm going to get in trouble if my parents walk in. Can you stop?"
7
Spend quality time with your friends. The most important part of the sleepover is having fun! Don’t get so focused on being a good host that you forget to have a good time. Join in on the fun, talk to your friends, and make sure you have a great time.^{[18]
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Community Q&A

Question

What about you want to have some "special" time with your bf/gf at the party alone upstairs. Ho do you make sure no oe follows

Community Answer

First, make sure it's okay with whoever's house it is. If you're a guest in someone's house, you have to follow their rules. If it's okay to have some alone time, be as discreet as possible. Don't announce that you're leaving or get up while everyone is sitting in a circle talking. Wait til people are moving around or watching a movie. If someone does try to follow, tell them quietly that you need to talk to your boyfriend for a moment and that you'll catch up with them later.
Question

What can I do if my sleep over has my boyfriend involved

Community Answer

If you feel like you aren't ready to have a sleepover with your boyfriend, be honest. Tell him you want to wait until it feels special. If you do want him there, remember to be a good host/guest. Don't ignore everyone except your boyfriend, and don't do anything that's against the house rules.
Question

What happens if you are really weird. And nothing helps.

Community Answer

Everyone's a little weird! If you're being invited to a sleepover, you probably aren't that weird at all. If you feel self-conscious about your behavior, ask a good friend for some honest feedback and listen to what they say.

Warnings

Don’t lie to your parents or encourage your friends to lie to their parents about the sleepover. You could all get in a lot of trouble!

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If anything bad happens at your sleepover, be honest about it to your friends and your parents.

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