How to Have a Conversation With an Elderly Person

Co-authored by Justin Barnes

Last Updated: November 21, 2022 References

Talking to elderly people can seem intimidating, even if you’re normally a chatty person. However, with a little practice and preparation, you’ll find that you can talk to older people about almost anything. The key to having a good conversation with an older person – or anyone else – is to keep in mind that they’re just a person like you. You can have a great conversation with an elderly person by finding interesting things to talk about, using effective communication techniques, and being sensitive to any communication issues they may have.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Finding Things to Say

1
Greet the person. If you already know the person, let them know you’re glad to see them by saying hello with a smile. Give them a hug if it’s appropriate. If you do not know the person, introduce yourself in a friendly tone of voice and offer a handshake.^{[1]
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2
Ask questions. If you don’t know what to talk about, ask the person an open-ended question. Elderly people usually like to share their interesting stories and memories with others.^{[2]
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- If the person is a family member, you could ask them about events in your family history or about other family members you never had the opportunity to know.
- If the person is a stranger, you could ask them about their family or what their life was like when they were your age.
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3
Make small talk. Not every discussion you have with an elderly person needs to be in-depth. Older people enjoy making polite small talk, too. You might use any previous knowledge you have about them or information in your surroundings to make small talk.^{[3]
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- For instance, you might say to your neighbor, "I haven't seen your grandchildren in a while. When's the last time they visited?" Or, you might say, "What sort of books have you read lately, Mr. Henderson?"
4
Bring interesting props. If you know ahead of time that you’ll be visiting an elderly person, consider bringing something to do or talk about. A few ideas include a family photo album (if you are visiting a family member), music from when the older person was young, or a homemade treat that you can enjoy together.^{[4]
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5
Ask for advice. If you’re in a sticky situation or you’re having trouble making a big decision, consider talking about it with an older person. Elderly people have collected a lot of life experience, and most of them are happy to share their hard-earned wisdom with others. They will probably be flattered that you asked them, too.^{[5]
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- You could say something like, “Uncle Joe, I’m having a hard time choosing between two jobs. Which do you think is more important, making a lot of money or enjoying your work?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating Effectively

1
Find a good environment to talk. Talk somewhere quiet and calm, where neither you nor the other person will get distracted or overwhelmed. Turn off any radios or televisions in the background so you can hear each other. Sit somewhere the older person can see your face clearly, so they can read your lips if they need to.
2
Speak clearly. Enunciate your words distinctly, speak loudly enough to be easily heard, and don’t talk too fast. Don’t shout at the person, though, unless they ask you to speak up more.^{[6]
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- If the elderly person has trouble following what you’re saying, you may need to slow down or use shorter sentences. This doesn’t mean you should talk down to the older person, though.
3
Provide choices. If you’re offering the older person something or trying to find out what they want to do, give them two or three choices. This will give them a sense of control over the situation without overwhelming them with too many options.^{[7]
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- For instance, don’t just say, “Where would you like to go today?” Instead, say, “Would you rather go to the park or a coffee shop?”
4
Make eye contact. Meet the older person’s eyes when they’re talking to you, even if you are having a hard time understanding them. Making eye contact shows the person that you’re paying attention to them and care about what they’re saying.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
Alzheimer's Association
Nonprofit organizaton focused on supporting those affected by Alzheimer's and promoting research on the disease
Go to source}
5
Allow the person time to think. During your conversation, the elderly person may need to pause to find the right word, recover their train of thought, or reminisce about something. Wait patiently for them to finish talking. Don’t try to complete their sentence for them or find the word they’re looking for unless they ask you to.^{[9]
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6
Let the person know when you are leaving. If the elderly person has dementia or gets confused easily, make sure they understand when you are leaving. Say goodbye to them and tell them when they can expect to see you again. Giving them a hug or a handshake is another good way to signal the end of the conversation.^{[10]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Being a Sensitive Communicator

1
Be sensitive to communication problems.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.} Communication often becomes more difficult with age. These difficulties may result from age-related conditions such as hearing and vision loss, physical disabilities, or neurological disorders such as dementia or stroke.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source} Notice whether the person you’re talking to is hard of hearing, has memory problems, or otherwise has trouble communicating. Adjust your own communication style so they can participate in the conversation more easily.
- For instance, if the person is having a hard time hearing you, move closer to them and speak more loudly.
- If the person seems to get confused easily, use shorter sentences and be patient as you get your point across.
- If they have memory loss, avoid asking too many questions at once. Also, avoid "why" questions, which may frustrate them.
- If you can, try to find out ahead of time about any communication issues the person may have before you start conversing with them.
2
Avoid using “elder speak.” Do not use baby talk, a singsong voice, or inappropriately familiar terms of endearment when you talk to an elderly person.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.} Talk to them like you would any other adult. If they show no signs of confusion, there’s no need to simplify your vocabulary or over-explain things to them.^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source
American Academy of Family Physicians
Organization devoted to improving the health of patients, families, and communities
Go to source}
- Many older people feel insulted when others talk to them as if they are children, even if those people don’t mean any harm.
3
Listen carefully as the person talks. Give the elderly person your full attention, even if they ramble. Make sure you’re understanding them by asking questions related to what they are saying. Don’t look around the room or check your watch while the other person is talking, since that will make you seem bored.^{[15]
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Trustworthy Source
American Academy of Family Physicians
Organization devoted to improving the health of patients, families, and communities
Go to source}
- For instance, if the person mentions living in another country, you could ask them to tell you more about that part of their life.
4
Remember that older people are just people like you. Elderly people were once your age, and they’ve experienced the same feelings and many of the same life events as you. Treat the person with the same respect and courtesy you would expect from others, and look for common ground that will help you connect with each other.^{[16]
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- Think about how you want people to talk to you someday when you are elderly, and use that as a guideline for yourself.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How should I address someone who's elderly?

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.

Justin Barnes

Senior Home Care Specialist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Talk to them the same way you would with everybody. Avoid using a higher-pitched "baby voice" since it will come across as disrespectful.
Question

Is it normal for grandparents to have trouble understanding?

Justin Barnes
Senior Home Care Specialist
Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.

Justin Barnes

Senior Home Care Specialist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Yes, people often have trouble hearing and communicating when they become elderly. Just be patient because your grandparents still want to talk to you.
Question

What do I call an older person when being respectful?

Community Answer

It's appropriate to address them by "sir" or "ma'am."