How to Have Self Esteem Despite Being Short

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: October 21, 2020 References

Many people erroneously tie their feelings of self-worth to their physical appearance, including elements that they cannot control, such as height. Individuals come in all different shapes and sizes, however, and being shorter than other people (or shorter than you want to be) is no reason for having low self-esteem. Accepting yourself for who you are, not just in spite of your height, but because of it, can help you live a happier life.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Improving your Self-Esteem

1
Identify the source of your negativity about your height. Knowing why your height seems to be affecting your self-esteem can help you overcome those feelings.
- Ask yourself whether your feelings are entirely internal (coming from you) or if they are external (coming from other people.)
2
Reframe your negative thoughts. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, you are trapping yourself in a cycle of low self-esteem. To feel better, it’s productive to identify when these types of thoughts are happening, and find ways to overcome them. ^{[1]
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- If you catch yourself having a negative thought about your height, stop and give yourself a compliment instead.
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3
Differentiate between opinion and fact. Many times, it can be difficult to recognize what is an opinion and what is a fact, and our inner dialogue tends to exaggerate opinions but convince us that they are facts.
- A fact is your actual height; for example, “I am 4 feet (1.2 m), 11 inches tall.”
- An opinion is the way you feel about your height; for example “I am really short, so no one respects me.”
4
Be assertive without being aggressive. If you believe that people treat you poorly or do not respect you because of your height, try being more assertive and firm. Remember, however, that being assertive does not mean that you have to be unkind or aggressive.
- Assertiveness helps encourage other people to treat you with respect, which will help encourage positive self-esteem.
- For example, you could say to a colleague, "I understand your objections, and I appreciate your input! Ultimately, though, this is my project, and I have to proceed in the way I think will work best." This expresses openness and appreciation while also asserting your ideas and authority.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Changing your Thinking about Height

1
Focus on what you do have. Even if you are short, you can love your body. Think about all of the things that your body provides you with; you have arms and legs, means of transporting yourself from place to place, and even the ability to have and communicate thoughts and feelings.
2
Think of the advantages of being short. You probably lament not being able to reach the top shelf in your kitchen (or even the middle one) and having trouble seeing over the steering wheel in large vehicles. But have you considered the advantages of being short? Thinking of these examples may help you improve your thoughts about height:
- Short athletes, such as boxers, are often faster and more agile than their larger counterparts.^{[2]
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- It is much easier to have clothing tailored to be shorter than to make them longer.
- Shorter people are often mistaken for being younger than they are.
- Shorter people don’t have to worry about bumping their heads on low doorways or tree branches.
- Shorter people can sometimes buy children’s clothing or shoes, which are often less expensive than adult’s clothing.
3
Accept the great diversity of appearances. When you are in a public place, notice the variety in sizes, shapes, and details of people’s appearances. Part of what makes you unique is your appearance, an element of which is your height.
4
Surround yourself with positive people. If your negative thoughts are coming from the outside—from other people—then you should remove those people from your life, or at least confront them about their negativity. Increase the time you spend around people with positive, happy attitudes.
5
Embrace your height. If you are worried that people will say you are short, just say it for them. Give yourself the nickname “shorty.” Call yourself “fun-sized.” Find a way to accept your height as part of who you are, and just go with it… that will make you much happier than trying to fight something that you can’t change.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Making your Appearance Work

1
Maintain a healthy body weight. Being healthy overall will help you feel better about yourself. To maintain a healthy body weight, eat well and exercise every day. Cut out sweets and overly processed foods, increase your fruit and vegetable consumption, and get at least 25-30 minutes of exercise a day.
2
Wear clothing that fits correctly. You may have to have your clothing tailored to fit your shorter stature. You may also be able to buy clothes specifically made for petite statures, but this is more common for women’s clothing. Having clothing that is too long will serve as a reminder that you are on the shorter side, and it will emphasize your height to others. Clothing that fits your perfectly will not draw attention to your height.
3
Dress in a style that complements your body type. Wearing clothing styles that compliments your body type can make you appear longer and leaner and draw attention away from your height. Here are a few tips:
- Wear dark, solid colors; avoid overly flowy materials and big prints.^{[3]
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- Wear tops and bottoms from the same color family that do not overly contrast and break the body into two distinct halves.^{[4]
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- Avoid horizontal stripes; vertical stripes or patterns, however, will make you appear taller.^{[5]
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- Avoid baggy or oversized clothing, even if it is in style.^{[6]
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- Avoid oversized accessories and handbags.^{[7]
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- Men should wear clothing that draws attention up, rather than down, by selecting jackets with peak lapels and shirts that have straight-point collars and avoiding double-breasted jackets.^{[8]
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4
Fit your lifestyle to your height. Be sure when you are buying furniture that your feet do not dangle. Buy a vehicle that adjusts enough for you to comfortably see out of the window and reach all of the appropriate pedals. Even getting a bed frame that doesn’t require a box spring underneath your mattress will lower your bed, making you feel like everything in your life is more proportional.
5
Wear heels or lifts. If you still feel uncomfortable with your height, try actually making yourself taller. This is much easier with women’s shoe styles, which offer a wide variety of heel height options. Men can place lifts in their shoes, which raise their heels slightly from the inside to increase their height. Men can also look for shoes that have slightly thicker soles or even a slightly elevated heel (common with dress shoes and boots).
- Don’t overdo the height on the heels, however. If you wear heels that are too tall, you will look disproportionate.^{[9]
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