How to Get a Girlfriend over the Internet

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: December 31, 2022 References

If you haven't found the one at your school, workplace, or local coffee shop, online might be the perfect place to find a girlfriend. You can connect with women who share your interests and build a relationship at your own pace. After you've messaged someone for a good amount of time, you can meet up in person and start a romantic relationship. Finding a girl you're compatible with on the internet involves knowing where to look and how to build a relationship over time.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Meeting Dates Online

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Join online dating sites. Dating sites are the first place you could look for romantic relationships. Online dating is perfect because everyone there is looking to find love, and you can read the profiles to determine whether someone would be a good match. Once you message back and forth with someone, you can arrange to meet up in-person.^{[1]
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- Be honest in your dating profile. You may be tempted to lie about your job, height, or interests, but the lie will eventually come out.^{[2]
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- Keep an open mind. Even if you might not click one hundred percent with someone's profile, you might connect with them after messaging.
- Don't underestimate the importance of good profile pictures, so get some high resolution photos that really show off your appearance. Avoid some common mistakes like group shots or photos where you're wearing sunglasses and hats.
- Have a friend preferably a girl that you respect review your profile to help improve it because women and men think differently.
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Connect through special interest sites. Many people find their partner through websites promoting what they love. If you're into a certain sport, TV series, or hobby, join a website for fans of that thing. As you chat with other members, you may find one that you have a lot in common with. You can then start messaging and getting to know her on a personal level.

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Explore online gaming sites. As outlandish as it may initially seem, some people find their significant others through virtual reality sites like Second Life or World of Warcraft.^{[3]
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Research source} Talk to other players and get to know them. If you click with one of the players, ask them if you could add them on social media so you can message them.
- Don't join an online gaming site specifically to meet women. Women on these gaming sites will be most interested in dating you if you share a passion for the game, not if you're looking for love.
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Sign up for alumni clubs. Some universities offer online social groups for those who graduated. Others are started up on social media websites by former students. Google alumni groups for the university you went to and get to know others in the group. You never know: you might connect with an alumnus nearby.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Messaging with Girls

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Don't overshare in the first messages. Too much information about yourself, or too much intimate information, could chase away the other person. Save deeper conversations for after you get to know each other. While your first messages should have a good amount of information, avoid writing a novel: the other person might be intimidated and avoid responding.^{[4]
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- Also, keep from saying too much about yourself. Focus your messages on her and genuinely try getting to know her instead of impressing her.^{[5]
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Ask thoughtful, open-ended questions. In online dating, original and open-ended questions will give you more responses than a simple, "How are you?" If you met them via online dating sites, read their profile and craft questions based on their likes. Open-ended questions (one that can't be answered by just "yes" or "no") are ideal because you'll get to know the other person more quickly.^{[6]
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- If you met them on another site, ask questions based on what you already know about them. For example, ask someone you met on an online gaming website how they got into gaming. Ask someone you met on an alumni group what they majored in and what they're up to now.
- Don't just send a form message to everyone. Personalize the questions based on her specifically. This will show her that you care about her and that you have mutual hobbies.
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Compliment based on actions or personality traits instead of appearance. You may be tempted to tell a girl how beautiful her profile picture is, but instead, tell her you think it's awesome she's into soccer or that she has a great sense of humor. Compliments about inner beauty instead of outer beauty feel more genuine.^{[7]
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- Men who send more general, personality-oriented compliments to potential dates over physical compliments receive more replies. People like to be complimented on who they are, not what they look like.^{[8]
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Chat for a few days to a week before meeting up. Spend time getting to know each other before you decide to meet up. The more you know each other, the higher your potential to click in real life will be. Go with the flow, and when you feel comfortable with her, suggest meeting up in person.
- Consider leaving it up to her to suggest meeting in-person. Some women may feel nervous meeting a stranger in-person, and letting her decide will give her control over the situation.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Meeting In-Person

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Choose a public, social spot for your first meeting. Pick a safe space for your first date: a restaurant, gym, or outdoor park are all great places to meet up. Although you two have been chatting online, you still don't know her that well. Meeting in a public spot will be safest for both of you.^{[9]
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- While men say that their favorite place for first dates is restaurants, women prefer coffee shops. Keep in mind that a casual location might help her feel more comfortable.^{[10]
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Be polite, and arrive on time. If you can't be bothered to show up on time, your date will feel like you don't care about her. Respect her time and show up at the determined time. Act respectful and avoid making offensive jokes or accidentally insulting her. You want to make a good, thoughtful first impression.^{[11]
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Steer away from controversial topics. For your first date, focus on broad and positive topics. Avoid getting into a debate with your date, especially if you tend towards heated conversations. Steer from mentioning previous relationships, especially if you're not quite over your ex. Mentioning an ex-lover on the first date tells her that you're already comparing her to that person. No woman wants that.
- You may have heard that the golden rule for first dates is avoiding politics, but this is actually not true. If you both enjoy politics, go ahead and talk about it but remember to respect her opinions even if different from yours.^{[12]
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- Open up the conversation with something genuine! For example, ask a sincere question or make an honest compliment.
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Keep your attention on her. Treat her as if you believe she already likes you. Worrying about whether she wants a second date later will only make you nervous, and you could accidentally sabotage any chemistry blossoming between you two. She agreed to meet up, so she's likely open to dating you. This date is time to see if you're mutually attracted to each other.
- Remember, you don't look as anxious as you feel. People tend to overestimate the visibility of their own anxiety. If you don't feel confident, fake it until you make it.^{[13]
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Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Strengthening Your Relationship

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Communicate with them often, and continue going on dates. After the first date, don't retreat! Thank her via a quick message for a good time and, later, ask her if she's interested in a second date. Continue dating and communicating frequently, whether by text message or conversation in-person.
- Sometimes finding someone interested in a second date may take time. If the first person you meet with declines, don't beat yourself up. Keep getting to know people and keep dating.
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Engage gradually in more intimate conversations. Emotional intimacy takes time to develop. As it blossoms, you'll find your relationship with her strengthening. As you continue going on dates, slowly get to know her on a deeper level. When you feel comfortable, share more personal thoughts and feelings with her. She may follow suit when she feels ready.^{[14]
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Schedule a "DTR" conversation when you're ready. A "DTR" conversation stands for "define the relationship." After you two have gone on multiple dates and had lots of conversations, ask her whether she wants to start dating exclusively. If so, discuss where the relationship is going and how you want to proceed.^{[15]
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- Try to keep the conversation light and comfortable. Starting the conversation with, "What are we?" can make her feel anxious.
- Let her know that you care about her no matter what and that you'll respect her choice, even if she doesn't want to be in a relationship.
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Be kind and thoughtful if things don't work out. If she says she doesn't want to be your girlfriend, don't blame yourself. She may not be ready for commitment at this time, or the two of you might not connect romantically. Thank her for being honest and, if you feel comfortable, work to maintain a relationship as friends. Be kind and dignified, and respect her choices.
- Sometimes, raw feelings may get in the way of keeping a friendship. If you need space to process your emotions, let her know.
- Don't give up! When you're ready, return to dating online. In time, you may find "the one."

How Long Should You Talk to Someone on a Dating App Before Going on a Date?

Warnings

Don't trust everything you see on the internet. People can lie on their online dating profiles. The best way to gain trust in a person is to meet them in person.

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If you are an adult, make sure you're meeting with a woman who is over the age of consent. Pursuing an underage woman is considered a felony in many U.S. states and many other countries. Date someone close to you in age.

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Be safe! Always meet in a public space for the first date.

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