How to Get a Gay Male Friend (for Girls)

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: September 29, 2022 References

Popular TV shows and films have portrayed gay men as fabulous, supportive, and amusing confidants for straight women. However, this portrayal of gay men isn’t realistic, and it’s not really a good idea to seek out friends based on superficial details like their sexual orientation. Your best bet for a close, lasting friendship is to find people who you enjoy spending time around and build a connection with them over time. If you happen to connect with a man who is gay and form a friendship, there’s nothing wrong with that, but make sure that you treat them as you would anyone else and be careful not to make assumptions about them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Selecting People to Befriend

1
Pursue friends based on how they treat you and make you feel. Don’t pursue friends based on superficial factors like looks, sexual orientation, or social status. Choose your friends based on how they treat you and how you feel when you’re around them. If someone is kind to you and you feel good when you are in their presence, this is a good indication that they may make a good friend. Some other things to look for in potential friends include someone who:^{[1]
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- Accepts you for who you are and doesn’t try to change you.
- Shows genuine interest in you and what you have to say.
- Encourages and supports you in your goals.
Tip: Notice how you feel when you're with the person. Do you feel comfortable? Happy? Relaxed? If not, then they might not be the best match for you.
2
Look for friends who are good listeners. Listening is crucial in a friendship, so be on the lookout for good listeners. Pay attention to how a person responds when you are talking. A good friend will listen to you attentively without judging you or telling you what to think or do. Avoid people who:^{[2]
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- Interrupt you frequently when you’re talking.
- Seem more interested in their phone, computer, or TV than what you have to say.
- Don’t respond to what you say at all, such as by changing the subject after you finish talking.
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3
Choose someone who shares openly with you about their life. Vulnerability is a good quality to have in a friend because otherwise you cannot build a deeper connection with them. If the person you’re trying to befriend never discloses anything about themselves, it may be hard to connect with them. Instead, look for people who are willing to open up to you about themselves.^{[3]
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- For example, if the person you’re trying to befriend gives short answers and doesn’t seem to want to share anything personal with you after getting to know you, it may be hard to develop a bond with them.
4
Avoid making friends with someone based on their sexual preference. It’s not a good idea to befriend a guy just because he’s gay. If you have expectations of someone based on their sexuality, this is not a healthy start to a friendship and you’ll likely be disappointed. A common reason some girls seek out gay male friends is because they are less likely to compete with them in the dating arena than another girl. However, this is not a good reason to make friends with someone. Other common reasons some girls seek out gay male friends include:^{[4]
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- Wanting a male perspective on various subjects, such as relationships, fashion, etc.
- Thinking having a gay male friend will make them appear “fashionable.”
- Feeling that a gay male friend will value you more than a female friend or straight male friend.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Meeting New People

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Talk to people you spend a lot of time with already. You don’t have to start from scratch! Coworkers, classmates, and acquaintances can turn into friends if you put in the effort to get to know them better. If there’s someone who you have had some pleasant conversations with, then you might pursue a friendship with them.^{[5]
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- Don’t limit yourself to men who you think are gay. Try to make friends with any of your male or female acquaintances that you think might make a good friend for you.
- For example, if there’s another girl at work who shares your love of running, then ask if she’d like to meet up for a run over the weekend. Or, if there’s a guy who is obsessed with the same TV show as you, see if they want to watch the season finale together.
2
Do activities you enjoy to meet new people. You’ll be more likely to forge a deep connection with someone if you do things that you genuinely enjoy. By getting out and doing things you like, you will be more likely to meet people who share your interests. Some ways you can meet people who share your interest include:^{[6]
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- Volunteering for an organization you believe in, such as a local animal shelter or food bank.
- Participating in a special interest group or club, such as a knitting circle, acapella group, or cycling club.
- Interacting with people you encounter in your daily routine, such as while walking your dog, visiting the library, or shopping for clothes.
3
Try using a friend-finding app to meet potential friends. If you’re into dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, you might like friend-finding apps, such as Bumble BFF, Friender, and Hey! VINA. These operate similar to dating apps, but instead of making a profile meant to attract potential dates, you’re making a profile to showcase your qualities as a friend. Try making an app and start swiping to meet someone who you might click with.^{[7]
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Tip: Keep in mind that similar to dating apps, using a friend-finding app is a numbers game. You’ll have to go on regularly and check out lots of different profiles to find someone you want to meet.
4
Send a message to someone you’d like to get to know better. You can send a text message or direct message on social media to someone who you think you’d like to get to know better. This is a great option for reconnecting with an old friend, turning an online acquaintance into a friendship, or reaching out to someone who seems like they may be a good friend match for you.^{[8]
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- For example, if you follow someone on Instagram and you’ve had some great interactions with them, you might send them a message to see if they’d like to hang out. Try saying something like, “Hey! I noticed you are really into gardening. Me too! Would you like to meet up and discuss plants over coffee sometime?”
- Or, if you’re friends with someone on Facebook because you have a mutual friend, you might ask them to meet up. You could say, “Hey Janet! I really enjoyed talking with you at Charlie’s wedding. Would you like to go for a hike with me next weekend?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Building a Connection

1
Ask questions to get to know someone better. Developing a friendship takes time, but you can speed the process by showing genuine interest in the other person. Ask the person questions about their interests to show that you want to get to know them. Some topics you might ask them about include their:^{[9]
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- Favorite TV shows, movies, books, and video games.
- Hobbies and other special interests.
- Recent vacations or new experiences.
2
Listen attentively to what the other person says. Being a good listener is an important trait to look for and to have as a friend, so make sure that you demonstrate your ability to be a good listener whenever you are with the person. When they are talking, put away anything that might distract you, such as your phone or laptop, and face the person. Make eye contact and nod to show that you are listening to them. Some other ways you can show that you are listening include:^{[10]
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- Making neutral statements, such as “Yes,” “Go on,” and “I see.”
- Asking questions to encourage them to keep talking, such as “What happened next?” and “How did that make you feel?”
- Rephrasing what the person says to clarify, such as by saying, “It sounds like you were really frustrated!”
3
Treat them how you would like to be treated. The golden rule is a great one to follow if you want to be treated well by other people. Be kind to your friends and potential friends if you want them to be kind to you. Some ways you can do this include:^{[11]
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- Being on time when you make plans with them.
- Asking how they are doing whenever you see them or talk with them.
- Offering to help them if they are struggling with something.
Tip: If you're ever in doubt about how to respond or treat the person, consider how you'd like to be treated if you were in their situation. This may hep you to empathize with them and respond in a way that they will appreciate.
4
Avoid making assumptions based on their sexual orientation. If you’re still pursuing a friendship with someone who is gay, make sure that you treat them with the same respect and consideration that you’d treat anyone else. Don’t make assumptions about their likes, dislikes, knowledge, or behavior based on their sexual orientation. Be a good friend to them and treat them as you would any other friend.
- For example, don’t assume that because a man is gay, he knows all about fashion. This is a stereotype of gay men that is untrue.
- Or, if you need relationship advice, don’t assume that a gay male friend is more likely to give you good advice than a female friend or straight male friend.

Community Q&A

Question

I like a guy, he's my best friend, and he's gay. He also knows I like him, but he sends mixed signals about how he feels. Should I keep holding on?

Community Answer

No, if he says hes gay you should respect his feelings. If you keep holding on you'll just be hurt.
Question

What do I do if I like someone who is gay?

Community Answer

Accept that you cannot change his sexuality, and try to become friends instead.
Question

I have a gay friend and everyone knows he's gay, but some people say we look like a couple and I think I might like him, what should I do?

Community Answer

If he's gay, and not bi, it's better to just put those thoughts out of your mind. If you have reason to believe he might feel the same way about you (other people saying you two look like a couple is not a reason), then tell him how you feel, but don't get your hopes up.