How to Get Over a Player

Co-authored by Laura Richer and Amber Crain

Last Updated: October 26, 2021 References

Being manipulated by a player can really mess with your emotions and self-esteem. It can be a confusing situation to navigate, but we can help! Check out our handy list of simple tips to help you get back on your feet and leave that player behind for good.

1

Cut off all contact.

It's tough to get over someone if you keep communicating. It’s not easy, but a complete and total break is the way to go. A player doesn’t deserve your friendship or attention after the way they treated you. Stop following them on social media, ignore their DMs, and block their calls/texts. If you run into them, keep your interaction short and sweet.^{[1]
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- Remember that you’re dealing with a player! If they’re keeping the lines of communication open with you, they might try to manipulate you again.^{[2]
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  Research source}

2

Give yourself time.

It’s normal to feel sadness, anger, and self-doubt after a breakup. Repressing those feelings isn’t healthy, so give yourself time and space to process them. Choose a set period of time (a week, a month, or whatever feels right) to just experience your feelings. Once the set time period ends, make an effort to focus solely on the future.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Give yourself permission to cry, yell, or spend all day listening to sad music. Get those emotions out so you can let them go.^{[4]
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  Research source}
- Writing in a journal can help you work through emotions and reduce anxiety.^{[5]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}

3

Stop blaming yourself.

Getting played is not your fault and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Players are very good at taking advantage of people. If you’re angry at yourself for being fooled, don’t be! Habitually manipulating people means there’s something wrong with the player, not with you.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Laura Richer
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.} You're not the problem.^{[7]
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Research source}
- Don't let this toxic person prevent you from approaching future relationships with an open heart and mind.^{[8]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}

4

Get rid of reminders of your ex.

Keeping their gifts or mementos prevents you from moving on. Make your living space a player-free zone! Box up anything this person left behind or gave to you – borrowed books, clothing, ticket stubs, etc. These items might seem harmless, but they’re visual reminders of bad memories.^{[9]
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- How you handle these items is totally up to you. You can trash them, leave them in a box on your ex's doorstep, or just pack them away so they're out of sight.

5

Focus on self-care.

Go ahead and treat yourself—you deserve it. Self-care is different for everyone, so focus on doing things that really make you happy. Splurging on a new outfit, taking a bubble bath, getting a new haircut, enjoying your favorite dessert—it’s your call.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Laura Richer
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.} Try to do something nice for yourself every day.^{[11]
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Research source}
- Spending time in nature, getting a massage, taking a yoga class, or even savoring a warm cup of tea can be healing self-care rituals.^{[12]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}

6

Channel that anger into a physical activity.

Hit the gym or take a boxing class to blow off steam. It's normal to feel angry if you’ve been played, but stewing in those bad vibes won't help. Physical activity is a great way to funnel anger into something positive.^{[13]
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Research source} Consider options like:
- Kickboxing, MMA, or boxing classes^{[14]
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  Research source}
- Running or swimming
- Spinning or cross-fit
- Aerobics, yoga, or dance classes

7

Explore new interests.

Get outside your comfort zone and try some new things. Dabble in a few new hobbies, dive into your bucket list, take an online class, or join a sports team. Pursue something that you’ve always to try. New activities and interests engage your mind and keep you focused on the present.^{[15]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- For example, learn to play an instrument, sign up for a marathon, take a painting class, or learn to sky dive.

8

Stick to normal eating and sleeping habits.

It’s easy to get off track when you’re heartbroken. If you start missing sleep or skipping meals, though, your immune system will take the hit. You might start feeling drained, anxious, or come down with a cold.^{[16]
X
Research source} It’s tough to power through when you’re down, but forcing yourself to go through the motions can help you heal faster.^{[17]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Try to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. A consistent sleep pattern can do wonders for your physical and mental health.^{[18]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
  Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services
  Go to source}
- Remember to eat several small, healthy meals throughout the day so you don’t run out of energy.

9

Hang out with positive people.

Being around trustworthy and supportive people is very healing. Connect face-to-face with friends and family members when you can, but phone calls, texting, and video chats are great, too.^{[19]
X
Expert Source

Laura Richer
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Expert Interview. 24 September 2021.} Choose good listeners since you’ll probably need to vent or talk about your feelings at first.^{[20]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- People often isolate themselves when they're sad; being aware of that can help you prevent falling into that trap.^{[21]
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  Research source}

10

Talk to a therapist if you’re struggling.

Breakups are hard and there’s nothing wrong with getting help. If you’re feeling stuck in the sadness, a therapist can help you get back on your feet by listening, providing guidance, and teaching you healthy coping strategies so you can heal and get back to living your best life.^{[22]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you get over someone using you?

Laura Richer
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Laura Richer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the Founder of Anchor Light Therapy Collective, a multi-disciplinary mental health counseling clinic in Seattle, Washington. With more than ten years of experience in the mental health sector, she specializes in working with couples and individuals and supporting them in becoming empowered to direct their destiny. Laura holds a BA in English from Western Washington University and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She also received her Hypnotherapy Practitioner Training from Bastyr University, Couples Counseling Certification from The Gottman Institute, and Master Life Coach Certification from Seattle Life Coach Training. Laura is the host of the podcast Holding Ground which explores anything and everything in the world of mental health and positive psychology.

Laura Richer

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Expert Answer

Remember—when someone plays you, that only reflects on them and their behavior. Maybe they don't know how to engage in relationships properly, or they have a lack of integrity or honesty. Whatever the case, their behavior and choices are about them, not you.
Question

How do you get over a guy who led you on?

Laura Richer
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Laura Richer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and the Founder of Anchor Light Therapy Collective, a multi-disciplinary mental health counseling clinic in Seattle, Washington. With more than ten years of experience in the mental health sector, she specializes in working with couples and individuals and supporting them in becoming empowered to direct their destiny. Laura holds a BA in English from Western Washington University and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She also received her Hypnotherapy Practitioner Training from Bastyr University, Couples Counseling Certification from The Gottman Institute, and Master Life Coach Certification from Seattle Life Coach Training. Laura is the host of the podcast Holding Ground which explores anything and everything in the world of mental health and positive psychology.

Laura Richer

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Expert Answer

Use the break-up as a chance to work on your own confidence and self-esteem! Remind yourself that this person's behavior doesn't define your value or worth as a person.