How to Flirt With a Girl You Work With

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: May 28, 2021 References

Since you spend so much time with your co-workers, it’s normal and even natural to develop a bit of a crush on one of them. If you want to pursue a girl at work and flirt with her, you will want to make sure you keep things friendly, and be careful not to let things go bad and end up in an uncomfortable working environment.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Keeping Things Friendly

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Smile at her. It’s simple, but smiling and being polite and kind are great ways to subtly hint that you like her.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Workplaces are professional atmospheres, so livening up a bit and being friendly and outgoing could set you apart to her from the other people at work.^{[2]
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- A simple smile or joke is an appropriate form of flirting, and doesn’t cross any professional lines. If she smiles back and goes along with it, you know she’s into it. Alternatively, if she seems standoffish and shuts it down, you know to back off without any embarrassment.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
2
Use work as a way to break the ice. Try adding a joke in through a work memo email, or sending her a funny picture via webchat while you’re at work. Make a lighthearted joke about the meeting you both attended earlier in the day.^{[4]
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- You both have at least one thing in common: work. Use it as a way to start a conversation. Just avoid petty gossip about co-workers. You want to come off as a positive person, not a downer. Also, avoid any inappropriate jokes. Keep things friendly and light.
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3
Offer to help her with work projects. If she gets assigned a big project or has to stay late, offer to stay and help. Ask her if she needs anything, or if there’s anything you can do for her. Being helpful is friendly, but also shows her that you’re interested in spending some extra time with her.^{[5]
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- If she misses a meeting or isn’t at work on a day you get new equipment or learn a new policy, bring her up to speed with some notes or a quick phone call. Again, you’ll be helping her out, but also showing her that you’re interested in her. Say something like, “I noticed you were out the other day, so I took down some notes during the meeting for you.” You’ll be letting her know you notice when she’s not around, as well.
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Bring her coffee or lunch. This will be like giving her a gift, but not one too garish or forward. It’s far more understated than giving her flowers, but will still show her you were thinking of her. Plus, it’ll give you a reason to go up and approach her for a conversation about something other than work.^{[6]
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- The next time you’re headed out for coffee, ask if she wants some. If she does, she’ll tell you her go-to order, and later on, you’ll know exactly what to get her. Plus, it’s yet another opportunity to express interest in her, give her a smile, and offer to do something nice while still staying professional.
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Keep the physical gestures to a minimum. Public displays of affection in a workplace can make other people feel uncomfortable, and it might be a different co-worker who ends up reporting you to a supervisor. Plus, physical gestures like touching could possibly make her feel uncomfortable as well, which is the opposite of what you want.^{[7]
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- Keep things professional, even when flirting. You can be flirtatious without touching her at all. Eye contact, smiles, and glances are just as effective as touching but don’t come with the possibility of coming off too forward or behaving inappropriately. You might also compliment her work ethic. Praise a project she did well recently.^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Keep things light and more on the prude side, just to be safe. Don’t make any sexual comments, or say anything that she might be offended by. These kinds of comments could lead to negative consequences like harassment suits or complaints filed against you with human resources.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Flirting Outside the Workplace

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Ask her to hang out after work. Start with an activity that other co-workers will be at, so that she doesn’t think you’re singling her out entirely. It won’t seem as if you’re coming on too strong this way. Then, once you’ve gone out as a group, you can suggest you hang out together alone outside of work.^{[9]
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- When you ask her out for some one-on-one time, try to make it casual. Invite her as if you were going already, and decided to ask her along. It will seem a little less intimidating, as it will seem like less than a date. Say something like, “I was going to hit my favorite bar after work today for a drink or two. Want to come along?”
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Find something you have in common besides work. When flirting with someone you work with, it’s easy to constantly fall back on work as a constant conversation topic. Instead, ask her about what she likes to do outside of work. Not only will this show her you’re interested in her as more than just a co-worker, it’ll also give you some hints about her as a person.
- If you work in a place that has offices, desks, or cubicles, take a glance at hers as you walk by and see what sort of knick-knacks she has. These might also be hints to her interests, and you can use them as conversation starters.
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Offer to take her to lunch on a workday. One way to get some one-on-one time with a little less pressure is a quick lunch break together. You could ask her to grab a bite with you outside the office, or even just grab the seat beside her in the break room while she’s eating.
- Lunch is a great opportunity to have a conversation, break the ice, and get to know her a little better. If you take her someplace away from work, you’ll be away from the prying eyes of your co-workers, and things can be a little more casual and comfortable.
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Avoid coming on too strongly. Even if she makes the first move, hang back and be cautious. You wouldn’t want to reciprocate a touch or a hug and then have things go bad down the road, and have her file a retroactive complaint against you. Stick to light, friendly, and appropriate gestures and conversations.^{[10]
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- Dating and flirting in the workplace is tricky if you aren’t careful. Make sure you aren’t coming on too strong right away, and make sure you are reading her body language and signals to know whether or not she wants to reciprocate.^{[11]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Considering the Risks

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Understand the policies on workplace romance at your job. Some business or companies might have strict rules against any kind of fraternizing between co-workers. Consequences for doing so could even be termination, so make sure you know what the rules are before you pursue the girl at work.^{[12]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Sometimes, policies like these only exist if the co-workers are on different levels. For example, it might be against the rules for a supervisor to date or pursue his subordinates. Other times, there are no policies in place regarding workplace romance at all.^{[13]
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Avoid going after multiple girls at work. Not only is that just bad form and pretty rude, you might end up in a sticky situation if the girls find out. If you want to flirt with or pursue a girl at work, stick to her only, and don’t throw pick up lines at every girl in the office.^{[14]
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- More often than not, gossip tends to circulate around workplaces. You don’t want to end up with a few ladies having bad things to say about you, and then everyone hearing about it. It could make your place of work a very unpleasant place to be.
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Avoid flirting with a superior, or someone below you. These kinds of relationships can cause a lot of friction in the workplace as they could possibly make other employees think there is favoritism happening. Make sure the girl you’re flirting with is at the same level as you in the company.^{[15]
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- Women are especially subjected to criticism when dating people in the workplace. Make sure you aren’t putting a female co-worker into a situation in which she could be negatively judged.
4
Understand that she might not want you to flirt with her. If she reacts negatively to your gestures, joking, or singling out, take the hint and don’t push it any further. She might report unwanted attention to your boss, or things could simply get very awkward at work.^{[16]
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- If she isn’t responding to your flirting, or if she shows signs of wanting you to stop, make sure you listen to your gut and don’t push things. If she feels harassed or threatened, she could file a sexual harassment complaint against you, or report you to a supervisor.
- If she seems uncomfortable or unreceptive when you flirt with her at work, talk to her after work. Apologize and explain yourself. You may find out that she was only shutting down your advances because you were at work. Read her signals and body language. If she shies away, or looks upset or irritated, back off.
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Realize that failed office relationships can lead to an unhappy workplace environment. If things go sour with someone in the workplace, you might find yourself feeling uncomfortable and awkward at work. Office gossip might not end up in your favor, or being around the girl who turned down your advances might just feel awkward.^{[17]
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- Weigh the pros and cons of pursuing the girl at work before you do so. If the idea of things possibly going badly and resulting in an uncomfortable workplace doesn’t seem to outweigh the pros of pursuing the girl you like, then consider looking for someone outside of work.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it OK to flirt with coworkers?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It really depends on your personal situation. If the other person seems open to it and you aren't violating any company policies or getting physical, it might be acceptable. However, you really don't want to come on too strong or be too obvious with this. You also shouldn't attempt to flirt with a coworker if you have any kind of control or influence on their career.
Question

How do you know if a girl at work likes you?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It should be obvious to you after a while. Since you don't want to come on too strongly or cross any lines, you should just casually be getting to know one another at work. Eventually, you'll end up interacting outside of work. If she's interested in you, it should be clear then.

Warnings

Do not force her in any way. If she makes it clear that she is not interested, it's best to move on. If she wants to be just friends - accept it and respect her decision.

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Back away if you sense that she is uneasy around you.

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