How to Exude Confidence

Co-authored by Amy Wong

Last Updated: January 19, 2023 References Approved

Exuding confidence can help you in your personal life, relationships, and the work place. To exude confidence, work on your body language, speaking style, and overall attitude. Make sure to stand tall, use an even voice, and make eye contact while talking. Work on feeling confident overall. Remember not to be afraid of other people's judgment, and embrace who you are as a person.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Using Body Language

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Practice good posture. Posture actually has a big effect on the way others perceive you. If you sit up straight, you will look more comfortable. Slouching gives the impression of nervousness. Make an effort to be aware of your posture throughout the day so you will come off as confidence to those around you.^{[1]
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- To stand up straight, keep your back and shoulder muscles aligned. Tighten your stomach muscles and bend your knees slightly.^{[2]
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- Focus on keeping your head up and your shoulders back throughout the day. This can make you look taller, making you appear bolder and more confident in the workplace. Refrain from slumping your shoulders or looking downward, as this will make you look shorter even with relatively straight posture.^{[3]
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- You can also try power posing to help you exude confidence. This is when you stand in an ultra-confident position, similar to how Superman or Wonder Woman might stand. Hold the pose for a minute and you will look and feel more confident.
2
Gesticulate when you talk. Charismatic people tend to gesticulate. If you want to look confident, be aware of your hands when you talk. Try to move your hands slightly to illustrate or emphasize certain points. Gesticulating during conversation can help you come off as more confident and charismatic.^{[4]
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- There are many different ways you can gesticulate. You can move your hands with the rhythm of your words. You can also use your hands to illustrate something. You can, for example, draw a shape in the air when trying to describe a type of building.
- Make sure not to overdo it, however. If you're moving your hands too wildly, gesticulation can look out of control, which won't come off as confident. Try to keep your hand motions steady while gesticulating.
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3
Refrain from fidgeting. Fidgeting is one of the biggest signs of anxiousness, so make sure not to fidget. Tapping your legs, picking at your face, or otherwise moving around during conversation will not exude confidence. Unless you're gesticulating, strive to keep your body movements relatively still.^{[5]
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- Keep in mind, you may fidget without realizing it. Maybe people have nervous habits of which they are not aware. Be more conscious of your body movements. You may catch yourself fidgeting more than you think.
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Adopt a more open body posture. Holding yourself in an open body position can also help you to exude confidence. Some things you can do to keep an open body posture include:^{[6]
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- Lean back and relax. Leaning forward can indicate that you are anxious, so try leaning back in your chair and relaxing. Allow your arms to rest comfortably in your lap or at your sides, and keep your feet flat on the ground.
- Face the person you are speaking with. Stay focused on who you are talking to and avoid looking all around the room.
- Do not cross your legs. In conversation, keep your feet flat on the floor and side-by-side. Crossing your legs can make you look closed off and insecure. This will prevent you from exuding confidence throughout the day.^{[7]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Speaking Confidently

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Use a clear voice. Fumbling over your words, or speaking too soft or loud, makes you look uncontrolled. Conversely, a clear and controlled voice can exude confidence. Try to speak in a manner that allows others to easily understand your words.^{[8]
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- Use a clear voice both in work settings and personal conversations in order to appear confident. Stay aware of your tone when you talk so you avoid whispering or stammering.
- If you're nervous by nature, it can take some practice to get the right speaking tone. Try practicing speaking in front of a mirror. You can also record yourself talking and play it back to yourself to see if your tone is clear and easily understandable.
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Listen in addition to speaking. Being confident does not mean being loud or argumentative. Confident people are secure enough in themselves and their opinions that they don't feel the need to dominate the conversations. Always give others a chance to speak. Allowing someone to politely disagree with you actually makes you look more confident.^{[9]
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- Strive to allow others to talk at least as much as you do. After you finish a sentence or make a point, pause to allow the other person to respond.
- Show that you're listening as well. Use non-verbal cues, such as nodding and smiling when appropriate, to demonstrate you're paying attention to the other person.
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Speak your mind without apology. Oftentimes, people who are nervous by nature have a tendency to either avoid or diminish expressing their opinion. You may, for example, not speak up when you disagree, or begin by saying, "I'm sorry to disagree, but..." Work on simply speaking your mind. You do not have to be rude or aggressive, but be comfortable sharing your thoughts without filter.^{[10]
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- Instead of apologizing when sharing your convictions, get straight to the point. Say something like, "Actually, I see the situation differently" and then proceed to explain.
- It's okay to appear passionate. Having strong passions is a form of confidence.
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Do not attack or threaten others. Being aggressive and being confident are two different things. If you get angry or hostile when others challenge you, this makes you look insecure in yourself and your opinions. Always let others talk.^{[11]
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- If someone disagrees with you, or has a different point of view, allow them to say so without interrupting. Acknowledge what they said in a polite fashion. For example, "Okay, I see what you're saying. Thanks for sharing."
- Confidence isn't about winning. It's about finding a solution that works for everyone. Don't focus on whether you see eye-to-eye with a person exactly. Look for ways everyone can compromise.
- If you're feeling frustrated by a situation, focus on accepting the present rather than concentrating on justifying those negative feelings. This will enable you to get a more clear-eyed look at the situation and possible solutions.^{[12]
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  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}
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Express gratitude. Confident people understand they did not get where they are alone. Many people conflate confidence and arrogance, but confidence is about being able to express appreciation. Work on expressing gratitude to others. Thank people for sharing their point of view, helping you out with a problem, and anything else that comes up throughout the day.^{[13]
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- Teammates and coworkers will appreciate that you think about them not as optimal stepping stones to success, but as real people that you trust and care about.^{[14]
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  Amy Wong
  Leadership & Transformational Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}
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Maintain eye contact. When talking to someone, hold their eye contact. This will indicate you're listening and aware. Do not stare blankly, however. Maintain eye contact for about 10 seconds and then glance away for a moment before making eye contact again.^{[15]
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- Avoid looking down or having a slumped posture. These things can send a message to others that you are passive or submissive, which may make you seem weak and like you are an easy target.^{[16]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Behaving in a Confident Fashion

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Dress the part. If you want to look confident, what you wear matters. You don't have to be dressed up all day every day. However, in situations where you need to appear confident, wear clothing that reflects a bold attitude.^{[17]
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- Follow the adage "Dress for the job you want and not the job you have." Overdressing for situations like meetings and job interviews is better than underdressing.
- In work, invest in quality business clothing. You could, for example, wear a button down shirt, dress pants, and a tie or a nice business dress.
2
Take responsibility for your actions. Confident people are comfortable with themselves, mistakes and all. They're able to recognize they are the only people who can make their life unfold the way they want. Instead of blaming circumstances, work on acknowledging your responsibility for what occurs around you.^{[18]
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- For example, if you're late to work because of a late train, do not think to yourself, "It's the subway system's fault." Think something like, "This was an unfortunate occurrence, but I should have left earlier. I know trains are late a lot." Then, try to do better the following day.
- If you feel like you're in control of yourself and your actions, this will result in you feeling more confident.
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Stick to your plans. Confident people are able to achieve their goals. If you want to look more confident, make a plan and stick to it. If you, for example, want to finish a project for work by a deadline, complete that deadline.^{[19]
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- Set goals for yourself, with certain steps to achieve these goals. For example, if you're trying to complete something by a deadline, set goals for how much work you'll do each day leading up to the deadline.
- Make sure to set realistic goals and plans. Biting off more than you can chew is a sure way to undermine your confidence.
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Be aware no one's watching you. Do not get in your head about the judgment of others. The truth is, most people do not think about you and your actions as much as you think they do. If you want to appear confident and uninhibited, remember people worry far more about themselves and their issues than what you're doing. Being aware of this can help you feel, and therefore exude, more confidence.^{[20]
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Don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong. Confidence means being comfortable with your choices, including your mistakes. If you screwed something up or misjudged a situation, do not avoid taking responsibility. You will look more confident admitting when you were in the wrong than sticking to your convictions past the point of reason.^{[21]
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- If you make a silly mistake, don't be afraid of laughing a little at yourself. By showing that you're okay with being human and messing up once in a while, it proves you're actually secure in your inherent self-worth.^{[22]
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  Amy Wong
  Leadership & Transformational Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}
- If you were wrong about something, say something like, "Oh, sorry. That was a mistake on my part." It's okay to apologize for misjudging something.
- However, do not apologize for things like your feelings and being human. If you, for example, missed work for being sick, do not apologize for this. This could not have been prevented.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you show confidence?

Amy Wong
Leadership & Transformational Coach
Amy Eliza Wong is a Leadership and Transformational Coach and the Founder of Always on Purpose, a private practice for individuals and executives looking for help in increasing personal well-being and success and in transforming work cultures, developing leaders, and improving retention. With over 20 years of experience, Amy coaches one-on-one and conducts workshops and keynotes for businesses, medical practices, non-profits, and universities. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Amy is a regular instructor at Stanford Continuing Studies, holds an MA in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University, a certification in Transformational Life Coaching from Sofia University, and a certification in Conversational Intelligence from CreatingWE Institute.

Amy Wong

Leadership & Transformational Coach

Expert Answer

One way to show confidence is to be able to laugh at yourself. That laughter shouldn't be about trying to cover up your mistakes, it's just showing that you don't take yourself too seriously.