12 Ways to Emotionally Support Your Wife

Written by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW | Edited by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 22, 2022 References

Emotional support is a big component of any relationship, but especially a romantic one. Knowing how to be there for your wife and make her feel loved and cared for will bring you two closer together and establish a stronger bond. In this article, we’ll tell you exactly how you can emotionally support your wife and be there for her when she needs you.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.

1

Ask her directly how you can support her.

Asking takes all the guesswork out of the situation. If you aren’t really sure how your wife would like to be supported, simply ask her how you can help. That way, you can follow her instructions and meet her needs to the best of your abilities.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- “Is there anything I can do to help?”
- “What would make you feel better?”

2

Listen intently when she talks.

Make your wife feel heard so she can express herself. When she talks about what she’s going through, get rid of distractions and listen to her with your full attention. Make eye contact and nod along as she speaks so she knows that you’re listening. You can also ask follow-up questions and repeat what she says, just to make sure you’re understanding things.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Say things like, “Interesting, can you tell me more?” or, “I’m not quite sure I understand. What did you mean by that?”

3

Validate her feelings.

Let her know that her feelings are legitimate so she feels understood. It can be frustrating to feel like no one understands you when you’re upset or stressed out. Let your wife know that what she’s going through is totally okay, and that she has a right to feel all of her feelings.^{[3]
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- “I totally get why you’d be mad about that. I’d probably feel the same way.”
- “That sounds really tough. I understand why you’re so stressed out.”

4

Be respectful of her feelings.

Respecting her makes your wife feel comforted and valued. Sometimes, problems that seem like a big deal to your wife won’t seem that stressful to you. However, saying things like, “It’s no big deal,” or “Get over it,” can be very hurtful to hear. Even if you don’t think you’d react the same way, be empathetic to what your wife is going through.^{[4]
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- Even things that sound helpful, like, “It could be worse,” or, “Be grateful for what you do have,” won’t make your wife feel better. Stick to encouraging, helpful comments to emotionally support her.

5

Offer advice if she asks for it.

Wait until she asks for advice so you don’t overstep your bounds. While it can feel natural to provide a solution or some advice to your wife’s problems, that might not be what she needs right now. Check in with her first to see if she wants your help—if she does, you can offer your perspective on the matter.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}
- “Do you want some advice, or do you just need to vent?”
- “Can I offer a suggestion, or would you rather I just listened for now?”

6

Compliment her strengths.

Build up your wife’s confidence to help her feel empowered. When you’re upset or stressed out, it’s easy to feel like the world is bringing you down. Remind your wife of a few of her awesome qualities to give her self-esteem a boost so she can tackle whatever life throws her way.^{[6]
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- “You’re such a strong person.”
- “You’re such a competent worker, and you always go above and beyond.”
- “You light up a room. Everyone who talks to you leaves with a smile.”

7

Say “I love you” often.

In long-term relationships, it’s easy to forget these 3 simple words. Sure, your wife probably knows that you love her a lot, but actually hearing it can mean the world to her. Make an effort to tell your wife that you love her often, and be sure to look her in the eyes and smile while you do.^{[7]
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- Make her smile by pairing your “I love you” with a sweet hug and a kiss.

8

Remind her that she can lean on you.

Your support can give your wife a lot of comfort. When you’re in a lasting partnership, you can tackle problems as a couple instead of on your own. Let your wife know that you’re going to be here for her, and remind her that she doesn’t have to handle everything all by herself.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- “I’m right here with you, honey. We’ll figure this out together.”
- “You don’t have to figure this out by yourself. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

9

Be physically affectionate.

Physical touch will bring you two closer together. Give your wife a hug, hold her hand, or kiss her on the cheek. You could also rub her feet or offer to give her a massage as a relaxation technique. The more you two can be close physically, the better she’ll feel emotionally.^{[9]
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- Not everyone likes physical touch, and that’s okay. If you aren’t sure if your wife wants a hug or a kiss right now, ask her beforehand.

10

Buy her a small gift.

A loving act like this can make your wife feel better. If you know your wife is struggling, head to the store and buy her something sweet, like her favorite snack or a bouquet of flowers. You don’t have to break the bank—just pick up something to let her know that you’re thinking about her and what she’s going through.^{[10]
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- Want to make her feel really relaxed? Trying gifting her with items to create a mini spa day. Bubble bath, face masks, and nail polish will ease her mind and let her have a fun, relaxing afternoon.

11

Take care of one of her tasks for her.

Do an act of service for her to let her relax. While there should be an even division of household tasks between partners, there might be some things that your wife normally takes care of. Go above and beyond by tackling something she normally does around the house to give her a break and some time to herself.^{[11]
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- For instance, run to the store and pick up groceries, or take care of picking up your kids from school.

12

Keep checking in with her periodically.

Let your wife know that you’re still thinking about her. Even if you’ve had a long conversation about what’s going on, it’s nice for your wife to know that she’s still in your mind. Check in with her every now and then to make sure she’s doing okay.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.}
- “It’s been a little bit since we talked. How are you doing?”
- “How are you feeling today?”