How to Cope when Your Friend Dumps You

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: September 29, 2021 References

Getting dumped by a friend can sometimes feel worse than getting dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Breakups are never fun and losing a friend can hurt. If you’re struggling to deal with your friend dumping you, don’t worry. The good news is there are things you can do to cope with their loss until you’re able to heal.

Here are 12 tips to help you cope and move on when a friend dumps you.

1

Allow yourself to feel upset.

It’s okay to be sad, heartbroken, and angry. Losing a friend can be really hard. You don’t have to deny your own feelings and you shouldn’t try to bury them. Let yourself get angry or feel sad or even cry if you need to. Eventually, you’ll heal from the experience and it won’t hurt as much.^{[1]
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- The first step in moving past the loss of a friend is getting in touch with how you feel.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}

2

Think about any lessons you’ve learned.

Try to come up with 1 or 2 insights you’ve gained from the experience. Believe it or not, there may be some value to having your friend dump you. It can sometimes teach you things about yourself and about other people. Take some time to think about anything that may give your pain some value.^{[3]
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- For instance, you may have put too much trust in your friend or assumed that they would never do anything to hurt you. It doesn’t mean you can’t trust anyone again, but now you know what can happen if you put too much faith in someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

3

Don’t think that there’s something wrong with you.

Try not to take the end of your friendship personally. Remember that it was your former friend who decided to end your friendship. It’s not your fault. They may just be on a different path than you and it has nothing to do with who you are. It may feel painful now, but the end of your friendship may actually turn out to be a good thing that frees you up to make new friendships.^{[4]
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- If your friend ended your friendship because they feel you abused or mistreated them, you may want to use it as an opportunity to reflect on your actions.

4

Do things you enjoy doing.

Get back into the activities that you love. Try to get into a new routine that includes time for the things that make you happy. Do things that bring you joy and help you connect with other people. It may help you come to terms with losing your friendship.^{[5]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- For instance, if you used to get together with friends to play video games or exercise, try getting back into it. Familiar activities can make you feel good and keep your mind off of the loss of your friend.

5

Find something new to fill your time.

Use new activities to occupy the space left by your friend. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try, now is the perfect time to do it. Keeping busy can help distract you from the loss of your friendship, so it helps to fill the time that you used to spend with your friend with new hobbies or activities.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} It can be something fun like a cooking class or something challenging like running a marathon.^{[7]
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- Look up classes or clubs online if you’re trying to get into something new. For instance, if you always wanted to try rock climbing, there’s probably a local gym or club you can join to learn how to do it!

6

Treat yourself.

Help yourself heal by pampering yourself a little bit. Find activities that are calming and soothing, so you can do something just for you.^{[8]
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- A spa day can be a great pick-me-up. Get a facial, massage, manicure, or pedicure, and try to focus on yourself. If you're on a budget, even a spa day at home with a bubble bath can lift your spirits.
- Go shopping and buy yourself those shoes or sunglasses that you've been wanting for a while.
- Plan a movie marathon of all your favorites films, complete with popcorn and candy.
- Have a nice meal at restaurant that you've been dying to try.
- Even something simple like indulging in an ice cream cone or smoothie can help boost your mood.

7

Write a goodbye letter for yourself.

Nobody has to read it, but it can help get your feelings out. While talking to other people can help you feel less alone, writing a note about how you feel to yourself can help you come to terms with your own emotions. Start a journal or write a letter to your former friend that talks about the end of your friendship and how you feel about it. Nobody ever has to see the letter, so be as honest and open as you can be.^{[9]
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- Just the act of writing about your feelings can be really therapeutic.

8

Box up your old memories.

Put them away, at least until you’ve moved on. Gather any items that remind you of your friend such as photos, clothing, or gifts. Place them in a container like a box or a basket and put them somewhere out of sight such as in a closet or beneath your bed. Moving on from your friend can be a little easier if you aren’t constantly reminded about them.^{[10]
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- You can throw them away if you like, or you can keep them for when you aren’t feeling as hurt. They may be memories that you’ll treasure once you heal.

9

Unfollow your former friend on social media.

Seeing them online can make things harder. You likely have a lot of photos together on any social media sites that you’re friends on. Seeing old memories can bring up negative feelings, and seeing your former friend live their life without you can be hurtful as well. It’s best to just unfriend and unfollow them so you don’t have to deal with it.^{[11]
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- We all love Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media apps, so it may be difficult, but you don’t want to be obsessively stalking your former friend’s accounts.^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}
- You can unfollow them or fully block them so they can’t see any of your stuff either.

10

Spend time with people who value you.

Enjoy doing things with people you love. Hang out with some of your other friends or visit family members you haven’t seen in a while. Enjoy being in the company of people who love you and find some fun or relaxing activities you can do to take your mind off of your former friend.^{[13]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- For instance, you could go out for dinner with some old friends or hang out with your sibling and watch a movie.

11

Make an effort to meet new people.

Cultivate new friendships that will replace your old ones. Just because your friend dumped you doesn’t mean you won’t ever have any other friends! Try joining a specific interest group on social media, take an educational or fitness class, or get involved in your community. There are people you can meet that you may end up having a lot in common with.^{[14]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- For example, if you’re super into gardening, you can look for local gardening groups you can join. You’ll meet other people who share your interests.
- A fitness class can be a great way to get in shape and make new friends at the same time!

12

Talk about your feelings with people you trust.

It can make you feel less alone. Reach out to people you feel like you can talk to, especially people who have been through difficult breakups before. Don’t try to deal with your pain on your own. Talk to people you trust about how you’re feeling so they can empathize with you and make you feel less alone.^{[15]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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13

See a therapist or counselor if you’re really struggling.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking help if you need it. Losing a friend that you cared about can be really difficult to cope with. If your emotions are intense and you’re having trouble coming to terms with your friend dumping you, reach out to a counselor or a therapist. They’ll be able to help you overcome and cope with your feelings of loss.^{[16]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You can go online to look up therapists and counselors in your area.

Warnings

If you’re feeling depressed or suicidal, reach out for help. Contact a mental health professional like a psychiatrist, counselor, or therapist. You don’t have to fight it alone.

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