How to Cope With Life

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: December 10, 2021 References Approved

Sometimes life gets hard, but difficult times happens to everyone, believe or not. However, it's how you handle those hard times that can mean the difference between overcoming your obstacles and drowning in them. In order to cope with life, you need to learn how to deal with the stress and hardships of life, find motivations and ways to be positive, and get support from a variety of people in your life.

1

Address issues head on.

Break your problems up into small steps to make them less overwhelming. While it can be appealing to hide from your problems and pretend that they don't exist, it's much better to face them head on if you can. Dealing with your problems, whether it is having a hard conversation or changing a problematic behavior, will serve you much better in the long run than making you problems bigger by ignoring them.
- Do a little work at a time. Build up your tolerance to the feelings brought up by working on your problems by addressing the problems gradually.
- For instance, perhaps you are unemployed and need a job. Don't expect to write your resume, get references, find the perfect job, and get the job all in one week. Instead, focus just on one piece of that at a time, so that each step is a victory.

2

Take a break.

Stress can build up and before you know it you are ready to explode. To stop this from happening, take a little time for yourself every day, no matter what your are doing.
- This could mean, for example, taking a relaxing bath at the end of your day or simply stopping your work and closing your eyes for a moment to recenter your thoughts.
- Do whatever gives you the ability to recharge your energy and ability to focus. This may be as simple as calming down by taking a moment to slow your breathing down.

3

Take care of yourself physically.

Moving your body will help improve your mood and your outlook. Having a bad day? Eat a healthy lunch and make sure you get enough sleep for the next day. Your mood and outlook can be heavily influenced by your physical well being, so make that a priority.^{[1]
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American Academy of Family Physicians
Organization devoted to improving the health of patients, families, and communities
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- Try to get 30 minutes of physical activity five days a week.^{[2]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Heart Association
  Leading nonprofit that funds medical research and public education
  Go to source} This will help your overall health and your mental well-being.
- Whether you go for a jog, go on a hike, go to the gym, or just walk around your block, a bit of exercise can really improve your outlook.
- Exercise improves mood, releases great chemicals in the brain, and can give you a well needed boost of confidence and self-esteem. It also is a healthy way to release pent up energy and tension.

4

Avoid destructive escapes.

Do not turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with life's problems. These things may take away the pain for a while but in the end they will cause more problems than they solve.^{[3]
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National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK
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- If you are having a hard time coping with life, take the time to identify whether or not you are using escapes, such as drugs and alcohol, as coping mechanisms. If you are, it's important to find other ways to deal with your stress and problems.

5

Let go of stress that is not your own.

Sometimes we take on stress that we do not need to take on. It is important to let go of stress about things that we cannot control or that is not our own.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
American Academy of Family Physicians
Organization devoted to improving the health of patients, families, and communities
Go to source}
- Letting go of things that we can't control is usually easier said than done. It will take some focus and work on your part just to identify the things you can't do anything about. Try writing down all the things that stress you out or make you anxious. This will allow you to better survey your issues.
- While it is important to care about others in your life, taking on other people's stress does not actually help you or the other person.

6

Think about what motivates you in life.

Make a list or write an entry in your journal about what motivates you most in life. When coping with the stress and the problems of day-to-day life, it can be easy to lose track of what truly motivates you. Finding these things can be really helpful in overcoming the low points in life and moving forward.
- There are a wide variety of things that can be your motivation! For example, it can be your work, your hobbies, or your relationships, or a combination of all of these things. Any of these things can bring you joy, a feeling of accomplishment, and the motivation to keep moving through life.
- Writing out your motivations will allow you to revisit them when you are feeling down and can't remember why you need to move forward.
- Try reawakening your inner child. Find a new hobby or something to take your mind off things for a period of time everyday.

7

Make yourself useful.

Volunteering shows how you can specifically make a difference in the world. If there are things in life that bring you joy, find a way to work that into your volunteer work. For example, work with animals at a local shelter if you love pets, help out at community events even just picking up trash in your neighborhood if you are interested in the environment.

8

Find moments of joy and beauty.

Find something that makes you smile and feel whole inside. It can be hard to see the beauty of life when you are weighed down by the troubles of life. However, in order to cope with life, it's important to find beauty and joy in the world. This can help you to relax and rebuild your strength when times get hard.
- This could include the beauty of art, moments of kindness between children, or the wonders of nature, just to name a few things.

9

Make room for change.

Change is scary, but it can really help you move forward. Sometimes finding motivation and purpose requires you to change a variety of things in your life. For example, it may be that you need to change jobs or manage your time differently in order to find satisfaction with your life.^{[5]
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- It may take a lot of conviction and perseverance to make the changes you need to. However, keep in mind that the ultimate payoff for following through with changing you life is a happier and more fulfilling life.

10

Turn to friends.

When trying to cope with life, it is friends that can often help you through. A true friend, one that loves you and supports you no matter what, is a rare gift that should be utilized when you need it.
- Turning to your friends can mean a lot of things. It may mean just going for walk with a friend and decompressing about the stresses and anxieties in your life. Tell your friend, "I really need to talk some things over with you. Can you take a walk with me the week?"
- On the other hand, it may mean asking for physical, financial, or emotional support. This is a more complex conversation that may require a preliminary discussion about your issues and how you think you can resolve them with your friends' help.

11

Get help from your family.

If you have family members that you can turn to, do it. In many cases, your family members are the people in the world that are most likely to be willing to support and help you.
- Turning to your family can mean asking for physical or financial help, or it can just mean asking them to talk. Tell them very clearly, "I really need your help."
- Even if you are unsure about what type of help you really need, it's important to have a conversation with your family members when you are in need. Say something like, "I'm not sure exactly what I need but I'm hoping you can help me."
- Not everyone has a relationship with their family members that is supportive and helpful. If you can not get help or support from your family, then your best course of action is to create friendships that can serve this function. Families of choice, consisting of relationships with friends that are as close as a family member might be, can be just as beneficial as families of birth.^{[6]
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12

Get professional support.

Ask trusted friends or family members to give you suggestions. It's important that you turn to a mental health professional to give you the support that you need and deserve. This could be a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a social worker, or a therapist that deals with your particular problems.^{[7]
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- Finding the right mental health professional for you can be difficult. Try asking your family doctor for suggestions. Many health insurance companies can also steer you toward mental health professionals in their systems.
- If you go to a mental health professional and you don't think that they can help you with your problems, then feel free to move on. It's more important that you get the help you need than it is worrying about hurting your therapist's feelings by moving on.

13

Continue to seek help and never give up on life.

Never keep depressed or destructive thoughts inside. If you're feeling depressed and talking to friends and family has not helped, and turning to a professional has gotten you nowhere, continue to seek out help. There are always more people out in the world that may be able to help you with your problems.
- For example, if your therapist is not helping you, find a new one. There are other mental health professionals that will be better equipped to help you to deal with problems or issues you need to overcome.
- It is important that you continue to work toward finding ways to cope with the circumstances of your life.

14

Identify what you can control and what you can't control.

You cannot blame yourself for something that you had no control of. Some things are simply beyond your control, but sometimes it can be difficult to know what you can and cannot control.^{[8]
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Research source} By taking a moment to think about the situation, you may be able to tell if it is within your control or not.
- For example, losing your job because of a bad economy is an example of something you can't control. However, deciding on how you are going to react to losing your job in a bad economy is something that is within your control.

15

Develop a resilient mindset.

Self-discipline and accepting yourself can help you feel more confident. Being resilient encompasses many different qualities, but doing so can help you to cope with whatever life hands you a little better. Some things you can do to become a more resilient person include:^{[9]
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- Learning how to accept other people.
- Becoming more decisive.
- Improving your communication skills.
- Setting goals and working to achieve them.

16

Cope with change.

Look for the positive aspects in your life that come from change. Your life will change in small and dramatic ways sometimes, and while you may not be in control of these changes, you can work to become more adaptable to them. Adapting to change can be difficult, but looking for the opportunities you’re given through the changes in your life may help. Resisting changes in your life may cause you to feel anxiety.^{[10]
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