How to Become a Trustworthy Person

Co-authored by Michelle Joy, MA, MFT

Last Updated: August 6, 2021 References Approved

Being trustworthy is admirable and desirable. It's a trait other people look for in a person and it's confirmation that you're reliable, supportive and honest. If you'd like to become more trustworthy and have others come to rely on you, there are some great ways to go about doing this.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Being a positive force

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Be of good character. Have more than good intentions in life. While it's nice to mean well, it's far better to show people that you're a person who is reliable, tries their best at all times and thinks clearly. Meaning well can end in all sorts of problems, including excusing oneself for failure to follow through. On the other hand, good character lets other people know that you have traits they can always rely upon.
- Actions prove far more than words. Good character is forged in good, caring and thoughtful actions.
2
Be reliable and keep your word. When you say that you will do something for someone, then do it. People rely on a promise and seeing it through is the hallmark of a trustworthy person.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 26 June 2020.} Hand things in on time. Be where you say you'll be punctually. Arrive when you say you will. Depart when you said you would.^{[2]
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- Don't break your promise. If you have problems keeping it, talk to the person about the circumstances but with a view to fulfilling what you can of the promise. Don't simply fail to do it or slink away if it's not doable.
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3
Be honest. Be honest in everything you do. Honesty is the keystone to people knowing where they stand with you. Honesty includes having good manners though; when being frank, at least be polite. Sometimes it is necessary to sugarcoat the truth so that its bitter pill is swallowed with greater ease.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 26 June 2020.}
- Some honesty can be hard but is still essential. For example: Your least favorite coworker has spinach stuck in his teeth after a work function. Do you tell him? Of course you do. He deserves to know that. Your arch enemy has her skirt tucked into her knickers after visiting the bathroom. Do you tell her? Of course you do. She deserves to know that. You may have qualms because you initially think it's funny, payback or just desserts but realize that by being honest here, you gain respect from people who would otherwise be thorns in your side. They owe you one and know you are someone solid. Even in hard situations always tell the truth.
4
Be compassionate, kind and considerate. These traits feed into trustworthiness because they let people know that you give people the time of day and that you're willing to give second chances. Compassion must be felt from within and learned through experience by standing in other people's shoes, seeing things from their perspective. Practice looking at things from the other person's perspective until it feels second nature. When you are able to think of the other person first, because you're already internally strong and well self-nurtured, then you'll be viewed as trustworthy.^{[4]
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5
Keep confidences and secrets. People tell you things in confidence because they trust you. That is a bond to never be broken. You must guard these confidences closely unless and until the person who bestowed you with that confidence says that you can do otherwise.^{[5]
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6
Make good friends. Avoid befriending the gossiping types other than to say hello to them as you pass by. Instead, find people of good character, who are also aiming to be trustworthy, caring and strong, just like you. Support each other and help each other to continue growing as good human beings throughout life.
- Quality over quantity applies to friendships as much as anything else in life. While being friendly to all is a great trait, having quality friends who are close to you will often mean the group is much smaller.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Ridding yourself of negative behaviors

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Don't deceive people, don't lie. There will be times when deception and lying seem like the right way out of something. Yet, the truth will eventually come out and it is better to take control of bad actions, bad news and bad happenings before your deception or untruthful statements unravel. Be the better and bigger person and tell the truth and avoid the temptation to cover things up.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 26 June 2020.}
- The truth always comes out, one way or another. Remind yourself of this.
- Mark Twain once said: "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything". This makes for a simpler, happier and more fulfilling life.
2
Avoid gossip, rumor mongering or innuendo. None of these things read trustworthy. They're the total opposite. Avoid getting involved in gossip, avoid starting rumors and don't succumb to making insidious suggestions about people. Speak plainly, rely on facts and point out the reality to others when they lack the facts but mouth off anyway.^{[7]
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- Move away from the gossip clan. Gossiping clans make sure you take turns to dish out garbage about those not in the gossip clan. Once it's your turn, you'd probably hurt someone's feelings while you tell them everything. Remember that the truth will always find a way out, so don't even start with the nasties.
- If all else fails, just think about how that person you are talking about would feel and just tell your friends you've got nothing.
3
Apologize when it is needed. Tell people you may have hurt that you're sorry for making a mistake, for getting them wrong or for being totally out of order. You may like to explain the reason you did something, but that depends on the situation. Sometimes it's just best to say sorry and to own your mistake. Then, do your best to make it up to the other person. Tell them that you are doing your level best to be a better, more trustworthy person now and that you don't follow any of the old ways that involved hurting people.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Michelle Joy, MA, MFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 26 June 2020.}
4
Maintain the long-term relationship in place of the short-term gain. Cheating on, lying to or sneaking around someone you care about because you're focused on an initial current thrill will end in pain. If things aren't going well in any relationship, communication is key, not subterfuge and cheating. Talk openly to try to find solutions to the blockages in your relationship. Clarity and a willingness to solve problems are the signs of a trustworthy person.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Staying trustworthy

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Realize that being trustworthy is a journey, not an endpoint. It takes time to change bad habits, a poor attitude and bad ways of reacting to others. Earning trust takes time too, especially if you have been a difficult human being in the past. Yet, it will happen, especially as you continue to prove through your actions that you are reliable, honest and of good character.
2
Remind yourself at all times that being trustworthy is a valuable asset to your life and to the lives of the people you care about. When people you care about know they can rely on your word and that you are honorable and honest, you will be given important tasks, you will become the keeper of great confidences and you will be respected. These are worthwhile outcomes to aim for.^{[9]
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3
Be strong. It is important to remember that life isn't a popularity contest. Sometimes people won't appreciate your honesty, your strength against unkindness and your unwillingness to gossip or spread rumors. That's just a fact you must live with, understanding that all people have to come to their own realizations about holding better values in life.
4
Believe in yourself and validate the good in you, at all times. You do best in life when you begin from strong foundations. Trust yourself and love yourself so that you can relay that inner trust and love to others, trusting and loving them with strength and goodwill. Grow yourself, then you can grow others. Knowing that you do not need others to save you or shape you will aid you in being trustworthy because you don't need to stroke their egos just to feel good. It will also help you when you are occasionally betrayed by someone you trusted (it happens) because you've the capacity, will and resilience to carry on regardless. All courage and strength to you.

Warnings

Trust takes years to build but mere seconds to destroy. Always think carefully before acting in haste.

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Half truths are whole lies. Omissions are often lies too.

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Don't let your friends tell you who you want to be. Such friends will get you back to gossiping in no time. Quietly tell them off and move on. And realize that in some cases, if friends fall behind, your role model behavior will cause them to catch up.

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