This article was co-authored by Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Erin Conlon is an Executive Life Coach, the Founder of Erin Conlon Coaching, and the host of the podcast "This is Not Advice." She specializes in aiding leaders and executives to thrive in their career and personal lives. In addition to her private coaching practice, she teaches and trains coaches and develops and revises training materials to be more diverse, equitable, and inclusive. She holds a BA in Communications and History and a JD from The University of Michigan. Erin is a Professional Certified Coach with The International Coaching Federation.
There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
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The image of the strong and silent type is that of somebody who is confident and comfortable in his own skin. This can be very attractive, and project an image of security and assurance. Get to know yourself and the world around you in order to take things in your stride. You can communicate in more ways than by just talking. Be sure not to become too withdrawn, and don’t neglect your relationships.
Steps
Being Confident and Controlled
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1Have self-confidence. A strong and silent type is generally thought of as someone who projects a real sense of self-confidence and assurance, without coming across as arrogant or dismissive of others. Self-confidence is about knowing yourself and trusting yourself to rise to challenges and deal with difficult situations.[1] [2]
- Learning more about yourself and the world can help you to develop your self-confidence.
- Try to trust yourself and give yourself credit for your achievements.[3]
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2Demonstrate emotional strength. Gaining self-confidence and trust in yourself is in part about becoming an emotionally strong person. If you understand yourself you will be better able to deal with the setbacks and challenges that you will inevitably encounter. Once you have good internal emotional strength, you may find that this strength is projected outwards without you doing anything. Some of the characteristics of emotionally strong people are:
- Being less discouraged by disappointments.
- Being more adaptable to change.[4]
- Recognizing and expressing needs.
- Focusing on getting around a problem, rather than the problem itself.[5]
- Learning from mistakes and criticism.[6]
- Seeing the bigger picture in a difficult moment.
- Recovering more quickly from being hurt.[7]
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3Be controlled. If you have self-confidence, you will be sure of yourself, and secure enough that you will not be irritated or wound-up by someone saying something to you. You won't have to prove yourself, because you know what you can do. You know that you are strong, and strong in what you believe, and it doesn't matter what others think.[8]
- This confidence will radiate out and you will soon find people who will lose interest in trying to tease you.
- Don’t be dismissive or think that you always have the answer.
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4Consider your tone and delivery. Research suggests that how you talk is associated with how people perceive you. Being a strong and silent type shouldn’t mean that you are silent all the time, but that you make your words count. Try to speak in a deep voice, and at a volume that everyone can hear. Deeper and louder voices have been connected to a lack of nervousness or anxiety in the speaker.[9]
- Don’t shout or yell at anybody. Raising your voice too much will break the spell of a controlled and confident person.
- Speaking in a clear and direct voice that avoids using tag questions, such as “is this okay?” will help you come across as strong and assertive.
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5Be authoritative. You will help project the image of an assured and confident person if you speak and act with authority. Let people know what you believe through how you conduct yourself, and how you hold yourself. Silent means not having to be loud and let everyone know that you're the best, because you are already confident in yourself.[10]
- Making statements without feeling the need to make long explanatory remarks show that you are confident.
- You can also support this by avoiding the use of conditional terms, such as “could,” “ought,” “might.”
- Be sure not to make any claims that you cannot back-up.
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6Communicate strength through silence. Silence can be a very powerful form of communication. Responding to a situation with calm and assured silence can throw somebody off, and demonstrate that you have power over yourself and your emotions. The control that silence exhibits is what gives such a strong and lasting impression.
- Staying quiet, but not retreating or shrinking will show that you are not intimidated or uncertain.
- Silence in the wrong situation can present you as indifferent and disinterested, which isn’t the same as strong and in control.[11]
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7Use non-verbal communication. Silence itself is a powerful form of non-verbal communication, but you can use this in co-ordination with eye-contact and body language to express certain emotions or reactions, without saying a lot. Walk with your head high, and make eye-contact with people. Stand tall and straight, while keeping your body open and facing towards those around you.[12]
Avoiding Being too Distant
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1Be aware of the negative responses to silence. If you are trying to come across as the strong silent type, there is a risk that people will interpret your silence in ways you haven’t foreseen. You might be thought of as someone who is arrogant or judgemental of others. People might think that you are trying to maintain power over others by not talking. They might think you are withholding and refusing to engage with others as equals.[13]
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2Pay attention to others. Being a strong and silent type is not about just ignoring everybody and being distant and disinterested. If you want to project an image of a strong person, who is in control of his emotions, and has good self-confidence, you should still visibly pay attention to those around you.
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3Use body language to show that you are listening. You can show that you are listening and interested in what is going on around you by using positive body language. Don’t fold your arms over your chest. This suggests that you are closed off and separating yourself from others. Stay attentive and maintain eye contact with people in the group. Don’t turn away from people.[14]
- If you learn about body language signals, you will also be able to identify these in other people.
- Remember that body language is not an exact science.
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4Don’t become too withdrawn. Being the strong and silent type can help you to take control of your emotions and project a confident image, but it can also make it harder for you to engage with others. Being strong and silent, for men in particular, is associated with an unwillingness to talk to somebody when you are having a difficult time.[15]
- Don’t neglect your relationships, and try to have a balanced approach.
- Don’t mistake feeling alone, isolated or disconnected with strength and independence.
- Allowing yourself to have emotions will help make you stronger.
- Don’t try to live up to an image of an unflappable strong and silent type.
- Talk to somebody you can trust if you feel depressed.
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201510/self-confidence-versus-self-esteem
- ↑ Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201006/10-ways-boost-your-self-confidence
- ↑ Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
- ↑ Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
- ↑ Erin Conlon, PCC, JD. Executive Life Coach. Expert Interview. 31 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201506/7-characteristics-emotionally-strong-people
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/confidence.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201104/the-strong-silent-type-the-male-advantage
- ↑ https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/authoritative-leadership-style
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201104/the-strong-silent-type-the-male-advantage
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/tips-for-overcoming-social-anxiety-and-shyness
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201104/the-strong-silent-type-the-male-advantage
- ↑ https://today.duke.edu/2019/06/how-practice-active-listening
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6142169/
About This Article
Being a strong silent type is all about staying confident and using your body language to express yourself. Speak in a deep and clear voice, which shows you're confident and in control. Make short, meaningful statements when you speak so people know you mean what you say. For example, you shouldn’t feel the need to give long explanations about something you say, because you should feel confident in what you believe. While it’s great to show off your self-control and restraint, keep in mind that staying silent in some situations can make people think you’re distant or disinterested. To avoid this, use body language, like eye contact and smiling, to show you’re listening. Remember that you should still talk to other people if you’re a strong and silent type, like when you’re hanging out with friends or standing up for yourself. For tips on how to build your self-confidence so you can be strong and silent, read on!
