How to Be a Mature Preteen

Last Updated: August 13, 2021 References Approved

As a preteen, you may feel like everyone still treats you like a child, even though you’re on your way to being a teenager. Acting more mature can help you get some of the independence and trust that you’re looking for. Communicate openly and calmly with the adults in your life and do your best to follow the rules that they have laid down for you. Being considerate and doing kind things for others also shows you’re mature.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Being a Good Communicator

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Share your feelings with your parents. When your parents or guardian ask how you’re doing, respond honestly. If you’re sulking around because of a fight with a friend, fill them in. You don’t need to go overboard with the details if you don’t feel comfortable.^{[1]
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- Take it a step further and initiate the conversation yourself. This shows that you have the maturity to know when you need to ask for help.
- If you’re having a problem, say something to your parent like, “Dad, I’m having a problem with a friend, and I want to get your advice. Can we talk?”
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Remain calm during arguments. Arguments will happen with your parents or friends from time to time, but they don’t have to blow up into a screaming match. Avoid yelling and try to remain calm. If you’re feeling agitated, try taking a few deep breaths.^{[2]
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- Walk away and come back to the argument later if you’re getting really angry.^{[3]
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- Keep your body relaxed. Avoid crossing your arms, tapping your feet, or clenching your fists. These actions can make you look aggressive.
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3
Be a good listener. If you want to look more mature, listen. When someone is talking to you, give them your full attention. Repeat what they’re saying in your own words, and nod every now and then to show you’re listening carefully.^{[4]
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- Ask the speaker open-ended questions. These are questions that can’t be answered with yes or no. For example, if your mom is telling you about her project at work, you could ask, “What was the hardest part of that project?”
- Say things like “I see” or “I understand” every now and then to show you’re paying attention.
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Answer your phone. Keep your phone on you at all times so friends and family can reach you. If your parents call you or shoot you a text, be sure to respond as soon as you can. That means within the next minute or so, not the next hour. It’ll show you’re responsible, plus it’ll keep them from worrying.^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being Respectful

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Respect your parent’s rules. Yes, some of your parent's' or guardian’s rules might not make sense, but you should follow them if you want to seem mature. If your parents ask you to be in bed by 8:30 pm every night, make sure you do it without any whining or complaining.^{[6]
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- If you break a rule, apologize to your parents, and take full responsibility for your actions. Say something like, “I’m sorry that I didn’t clean my room before going over to Dan’s house. It won’t happen again.”
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Do what your parents ask right away. If your parents or guardian ask you to sweep the floor or clean the litter box, do it as soon as possible. Avoid moaning or groaning. Don’t try to show off your obedience either by saying, “Look how good I’m being.” Quietly doing what you’re told is a huge mark of maturity.^{[7]
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Finish your homework on time. Get your homework done every night on your own. Your parents shouldn’t have to nag you--they don’t like it, and you don’t like it. Getting your homework done shows that you’re mature enough to manage yourself, which your parents will 100% appreciate.^{[8]
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Expert Source

César de León, M.Ed.
Educational Leadership Consultant
Expert Interview. 11 November 2020.}
- Try to get your homework done first thing when you get home from school.
- Get rid of distractions when doing your homework, like your phone and the TV.^{[10]
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Be on time. If your grandma is picking you up from school at 3:00, be ready and waiting when she comes. If you’re going to be late for any reason, tell the person who’s expecting you as soon as you can.^{[11]
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- Try to be ready ahead of time. If your mom is picking you up at 6:00 from soccer practice, try to be ready at 5:50.^{[12]
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- If you have a hard time being ready for school on time, lay out your clothes and pack your backpack the night before so you’re not rushing around like crazy in the morning.^{[13]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Being Thoughtful

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Weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. Part of being mature is making sound, reasoned decisions. Take a piece of paper, fold it down the middle, and list the pros of a decision on one side and the cons on the other. Think about how your decision will impact the people in your life. If the pros outweigh the cons, then it’s probably a good decision.^{[14]
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- Consider asking your parents for their advice. They’ll be able to give valuable input, plus they’ll be super impressed by your pro-con list!
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Do little favors for your family members. Do kind things for your family members without them asking. You might make lunch for your little sister, take the dog for a walk, or help your mom make dinner. Not only will you look mature, but your family members with thank you for your kindness.^{[15]
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Ask adults about their day. Ask your teacher, parents, or other adults how their day is going when you see them. This simple greeting shows you’ve got great manners, which can make you seem more mature.
- You could say, “Hi, Mrs. Andrews. How has your day been so far?”
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Stick to your word. Mature people keep their promises. If you committed to helping your little brother with his homework after school, make sure you do it. To avoid broken promises and disappointed friends and family members, don’t make promises that you can’t keep.^{[16]
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- Before you make a promise, think about all the things that could stop you from following through. If there are too many, you may not want to make the promise.
- Even small promises are important. If you told your dad you’d call him when you got to your friend’s house, do it.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I be more mature in school?

César de León, M.Ed.
Educational Leadership Consultant
César de León is an Educational Leadership Consultant and currently serves as an Assistant Principal for the Austin Independent School District in Austin, TX. César specializes in education program development, curriculum improvement, student mentorship, social justice, equity leadership, and family and community engagement. He is passionate about eradicating inequities in schools for all children, especially those who have been historically underserved and marginalized. César holds a Bachelor’s degree in Education and Biology from Texas State University and a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership from The University of Texas at Austin.

César de León, M.Ed.

Educational Leadership Consultant

Expert Answer

You can display maturity by being prepared for class. That will automatically show maturity in the eyes of your teachers and your peers.
Question

I do all these things and my parents still treat me like I'm 5. How do I make them see I'm mature?

Community Answer

It may take time for your parents to realize that you're mature, so be patient. In the meantime, continue communicating openly, following their rules, and being kind. You may want to have a conversation with your parents asking for more independence and responsibility. Make sure you have a few go-to examples of mature behavior before your start the conversation.
Question

If I dress like I'm older, will my parents think I'm more mature?

Community Answer

You may want to buy some more mature clothing items, but make sure your clothes are age appropriate. Picking inappropriate clothing, like too-short skirts or low cut tops, may actually make your parents think you're less mature.

Warnings

Being mature does not mean smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or engaging in illegal activities. In fact, these things can actually make you seem more immature.

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