How to Be Politically Correct

Co-authored by Rachel Kove

Last Updated: March 12, 2023 References

"Politically correct" is a bit of a misnomer—it isn't about being right; it's about being respectful and considerate. Being politically correct means that you avoid expressions and actions that may exclude, marginalize, or offend a particular group of people. The term first became popular during the 1970s and 1980s.^{[1]
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Research source} Political correctness has an important purpose: it promotes equality by demonstrating an understanding that all people and groups are valuable to society regardless of race, culture, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Becoming More Understanding

1
Consider your reasoning. Why is this important to you? What are your beliefs about being politically correct? You may wish to write it down, or simply make a list in your head. Exploring your reason will help you commit to a decision and discover your priorities.
- You won't automatically gain points for being "correct." This isn't a math test.
- You are allowed to say whatever you want to say. Similarly, other people are allowed to voice disagreement, and free speech won't protect you from the consequences of your words. Your voice is your choice.
- No one is an angel. You will slip up sometimes, and that's normal. What's most important is that you make an effort, apologize if you hurt someone, and listen to others.
2
Focus on kindness, not on being "right." The phrase "politically correct" is misleading, because the spirit of what you're doing is being respectful and kind, not imposing rules. Recognize that words can hurt, and can tie into countless other hurts that people may have experienced.^{[2]
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Research source} Focus less on yourself and your own word use, and more on the impact your words have on others.
- The goal isn't to censor people, it's to encourage people to be kind.
- The goal isn't to be right, but to not be a jerk, especially to people who have faced more than their fair share of hardship and jerks.^{[4]
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- Instead of asking "am I politically correct?" ask "am I being caring and respectful towards others?"^{[5]
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- Recognize that free speech goes both ways. Your professor has the right to go on a racist tirade online... and you have the right to screenshot that tirade, post it on social media, and say "she should be fired." Just like people have the right to be horrible jerks, you have the right to respond to that.
- It's not that people are "too sensitive."^{[6]
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  Research source} It's more about being nice. After all, there's a difference between "don't step on his foot because he's a sensitive, whiny crybaby" and "watch your step because it hurts him when you step on his foot, and his foot is broken because people keep treading on it, so he could really use a break."
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3
Assess your own prejudices. Consider any conscious or unconscious prejudices you may hold. This can also include stereotypes you believe about groups of people. If you are aware of any negative feelings or stereotypes you hold towards individuals or groups, it will help you adjust your language and behavior towards your goal of being a respectful person.
- There are a few ways to assess your own prejudices. What do you think when you hear an ethnic last name? What is your first instinct if you learn someone is gay or transgender? If someone talks or moves slowly, what do you think of them? Being honest about your initial reactions can help you identify your prejudices.
- In order to challenge these internalized stereotypes, it may be helpful to ask yourself why you feel this way and where your prejudices might come from.
- Besides acknowledging your prejudices, one excellent tool to identify any negative feelings you might need to work on is the Implicit Association Test (IAT). You can find this psychological test online to determine your prejudices.^{[7]
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Learn about different kinds of prejudice. Understanding the prejudice in your society and around the world can help open your eyes. Learning about the struggles of others different than you can help you reevaluate your own preconceived notions. Education is an excellent way to overcome prejudices, understand those different than us, and become politically correct.
- Individuals and groups are discriminated against for many different reasons including race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, culture, and socio-economic status. If you're unsure of these groups, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has information on groups who experience discrimination.
- Taking a course at a university or doing some research online can help you learn more about prejudice.
5
Interact with those different than you. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is an important step for gaining awareness. Being politically correct doesn't just mean being mindful of what you say. It also means learning about those different from you and respecting those differences. Reach out, interact, talk, and befriend those who have a different background than you.
- Find coworkers or classmates who are different from you. Ask those people from a different ethnicity, religion, sexuality, or country to go to lunch. If you're not that close, just start a conversation with them. You can talk about your differences, but you may be surprised how much you have in common.
- Find culturally diverse events and experiences. Developing your thoughts and understanding that all people are equal through interactive learning will foster a respectful attitude.
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Don't be afraid to ask. Especially if you are a member of a privileged group, you may not understand the lived experiences of oppressed groups. This can be counteracted by asking questions and listening closely to the answers.
- Check a search engine to see if any writers have answered your question online.
- Keep your questions respectful and not too personal. "What pronouns should I use when referring to you?" and "Do you know of any good online resources where I can learn more about transgender issues?" are both reasonable questions. "What do your genitals look like?" is a very private question that should only be asked if you want to have sex with them, or you are a doctor and you need to know for medical reasons.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Respecting Different Communities

Check with various communities about what language is appropriate, and what is hurtful.

1
Notice and reflect on disrespectful language, thoughts, and actions. If you educate yourself and keep an eye on your thoughts, this will help control and change your language and behaviors. People may interpret and draw inferences from the language you use. When you are interacting with people, you want to be an open, respectful, and informed individual instead of a careless, disrespectful person.
- Avoid racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. jokes because they are always hurtful.
- If you catch yourself thinking something negative, don't scold yourself. Instead ask "Why did I think that?" "Do I really agree with that?" "What would better reflect the attitude I want to have?"
2
Respect people of different races. Recognize racist roots of words, whether they are as inflammatory as the n-word or as subtle as referring to immigrants as illegals.
- Many common expressions have roots in discrimination caused by cultural arrogance and a lack of exposure to cultural diversity. Terms such as "Chinese auction," "Indian giver," "Jew down" (negotiate), and "gyp" (a bad deal, from the derogatory term "Gypsy" for the Roma) are racist.
- Many common words also have implicit discrimination in them and are thus considered harmful. For example, words such as "gypsy" and "oriental" are derogatory. Instead use "Roma" for "gypsy" or "Asian" for "oriental.
3
Recognize what counts as cultural appropriation. "Cultural appropriation" happens when a member of the dominant group copies parts of a non-dominant group without acknowledging the meaning of the source. Think of it like a cheap knockoff. It exploits the aesthetic while ignoring the meaning and history. And it usually reinforces stereotypes. Here are some examples of what is and isn't appropriation:^{[8]
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- Wearing a pretty necklace that you bought from a Native American craft shop isn't cultural appropriation. That's supporting an artist. Dressing up like a "Native American" with headdresses and feathers for Halloween is cultural appropriation.
- Buying a black singer's album and singing the songs you like isn't appropriation. That's enjoying their music. Making a fashion statement by copying black people's hairstyles, which they often face discrimination for, is appropriation.
- Making curry for dinner because you like it is not appropriation. It's enjoying good food. Wearing a bindi because you think it's cute or trendy, ignoring its cultural context, is appropriation.
- Celebrating Lunar New Year with your Chinese friend is not appropriation. It's joining a celebration where you were invited. Dressing up as a geisha or getting a random Chinese character tattooed on your body because it's "pretty" or "deep" is appropriation.^{[9]
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- Buying a weighted blanket and fidget toys is not appropriating autistic culture. In fact, it helps normalize these things and make them more affordable, which is good.^{[10]
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  Research source} Copying the imagery of the autism rights movement while working against its goals is appropriation.^{[11]
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Tip: Think about how members of the group feel about what you're doing. Could they feel like you are making fun of them or ripping off their ideas? Do you know the history and meaning? Are you crediting the source? Do members of the culture face stigma for the thing you're using? Were you invited to join in their traditions?^{[12]
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Use language that includes LGBTQIA+ people. Some people are bisexual, transgender, asexual, genderfluid, etc. and they deserve respect and inclusion. Work on substituting gender-neutral language to include people of different sexual orientations and gender identities.
- Don't assume that people are straight (or even monogamous). Ask "Do you have any partners?" or "Are you engaged/dating anyone"? rather than "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?"^{[13]
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- Don't generalize about genitals. Some women have penises/testicles and some men have clitorises/vaginas. Furthermore, intersex people exist.
- Respect gender identities. There are more than two genders, and agender, genderfluid, etc. people exist. A person's real name is the name that they accept as the one that matches their gender.
- If you're unsure how to be respectful towards someone's identity, just ask them. They'll appreciate your good intentions.
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Avoid exclusionary, gender-specific language. Gender-specific language can be extremely harmful. Sexism, or discrimination against a person due to their marginalized gender identity, is used often (and frequently inadvertently). Try to avoid giving things genders in your mind, or out loud things, such as jobs; additionally, refrain from claiming actions, occupations, or items are "male" or "female."
- Use gender-neutral job titles when you aren't referring to a specific person. For example, say "chairperson" or "chair" instead of "chairman"; "firefighter" is preferable to "fireman"; a "police officer" includes all genders; and "flight attendant" replaces "steward" and "stewardess."^{[14]
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  Research source} The use of gender-specific titles is usually acceptable when addressing an individual. For example, if you are introducing a male chairperson, then you may say, "Please welcome Mr. Smith, our Chairman of the Board."
- Using terms and titles such as "woman's work" or "secretary" (instead of "administrative assistant") is demeaning and belittling.
- Calling women "girls" (instead of "ladies" or "women") is infantilizing and discounts that the place of women in the world is equal to men.
6
Support victims of abuse, sexual harassment, and rape. Violence is a serious issue that many people reference or joke about in casual conversation, alienating victims and making it difficult for them to speak up. You can help by respecting them and taking them seriously.
- Recognize that not all victims are female. Use gender-inclusive language when discussing these social issues.
- Making comments like "they asked for it" when someone is attacked is cruel. Everyone, regardless of clothing or unwise choices, deserves basic safety.
- Avoid rape jokes, as these can be hurtful to survivors. They can also suggest to would-be rapists that you might take their side if they hurt someone.
7
Avoid making religious assumptions or pushing religion in mixed religious company. The world has innumerable different religions and not everyone shares the same beliefs. When speaking to a group of people, you may be talking to people from many different religions, or speaking to people who are agnostic or atheist. Limit the amount of religious terms in your language, especially when speaking in groups of people.^{[15]
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Research source} Save the religious discussions for when you're with people of your religion or when someone says they're open to discussing it.
- Avoid religious statements when talking to non-religious people, or people of an unknown religion. For example, instead of telling a sick atheist you'll pray for them, say that your thoughts are with them and their family.
- It's also a good idea to avoid referencing "God/god." Every religious group has different names for and rules for saying the term. Jews do not say the name of god, Muslims refer to their god as Allah, and Hindus worship many different gods.^{[16]
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- Asking questions like "what would Jesus do?" to an individual whose religion you don't know or group that isn't entirely Christian is ill-advised.
- There is an exception to using religious terms: to describe either academic or specific characteristics of a religious group. You may say "Evangelical Christians hold certain beliefs...", or "members of the Jewish faith celebrate Yom Kippur...".
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Avoid expressions that devalue people with physical or mental disabilities. Some people prefer identity-first language ("disabled person") while others prefer person-first language ("person with a disability"), and it's best to respect their individual preference. Make sure not to use derogatory terms such as "ret*rd" and "midget," and avoid using words rooted in disability as insults.
- Words such as "dumb," "crippled," "derp," and "psycho" are examples of disability-based insults/slurs.^{[17]
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  Research source} They imply that disability is demeaning.
- Treat disabled people like ordinary people, accommodating any needs without resistance, and treating the disability as natural. Offer help if they're struggling, and don't push it on them if they say they can handle it.
- Use person-first language for most disabilities, such as "person with Down Syndrome" rather than "Down Syndrome person." The Autistic, Blind, and Deaf communities are a few notable exceptions (e.g. "autistic person").^{[18]
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  Research source} When unsure, ask an individual about their preferences.
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Be accepting towards people of different sizes. Heavier people, especially women, experience discrimination and hardship because of social attitudes about weight. Be conscious of hurtful stereotypes regarding fat people being lazy, unhealthy, greedy, et cetera. Similarly, don't make rude remarks to skinny people or treat a thin man like he is less manly.
- Other people's bodies aren't your business. Don't comment on their weight or offer unsolicited advice about how to change their bodies. If they don't ask about it, don't bring it up.
- Don't assume a slimmer person has an eating disorder. Even if they appear unhealthy, telling them to "eat a cheeseburger" won't help.
- Watch your language closely. Some people, particularly fat acceptance advocates, self-identify as "fat" and encourage the destigmatization of the word. Other people could be very hurt by that adjective.
- Also, don't shame or belittle people based on the size or traits of their private parts.
10
Keep practicing and learning. Become familiar the terms that various communities view as acceptable, and which ones are hurtful. Then start using them in your own speech.^{[20]
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Research source} The more you practice consideration and respect, the easier it will be and the less likely you are to upset someone.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Speaking with Individuals or Groups

1
Apply your knowledge. In conversations or discussions with groups or individuals, remember what you've learned while working on yourself. Your goal is not to knowingly hurt any person or group of people with your language or actions.
2
Know the situation. Are you in the workplace? A conference? A friend's party? Or maybe a family dinner? Each of these situations has different social rules for polite behavior. If you are aware of your surroundings, it will guide you to what words and actions are appropriate in any situation.
- Formal situations such as the workplace or professional events have the highest standards and largest consequences. Informal and private situations are more relaxed, but sensitivity still matters. You may be talking to someone of an oppressed group, and even if not, private attitudes shape how people respond to minorities.
- Consider the individual or persons in the group. Even if they are not minorities, their friends, family, and acquaintances may be. Do you want to encourage empathy, or dismissiveness? Compassion, or disrespect?
3
Refrain from language that groups people into one large category. Don't lump people together based on religion, sexual orientation, gender, and ethnicity. Not everyone in a group is the same, acts the same, or believes the same things. This kind of language reduces a person to that one category, when people are so much more.
- For example, don't refer to groups by saying things like: the deaf, the gays, the Jews, or the Blacks. If you are referring to a social group, acknowledge differences. "Many blind people feel that..."
- Use language that makes a person or group feel like they are equal and included in any situation.
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Avoid segregating language. When speaking to or about other groups, avoid unnecessary us-vs-them language. This suggests a separation instead of equality and inclusion.
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Respect what people call themselves. Every individual and group has the right to choose the language that best describes their race, class, sex, gender, sexual orientation, culture, religion, or physical ability.
- If you're not sure of someone's preference, you can ask them. For example, "I don't want to offend you and was wondering if you call yourself Black or African American?" If they are neither, show interest and ask how they'd like to be referred to. If you make your good intentions clear, they will most likely take it well.
- Don't use controversial terms if you aren't a group member. For example, many Roma self-identify as gypsies. Unless you are a member of the Roma community, avoid using "gypsy" and always use Roma. It isn't your word to reclaim.
- Skip the trendy terms. Most of these terms are used by members not part of the group. For example, don't call a person with disabilities "handi-capable" or "differently abled" or a short person "vertically challenged." Many people find these terms to be weird. This also means taking the words of those directly affected over those of "allies" in psychology or sociology who may stress the use of certain terms.
6
Respond gracefully if you're told that your words hurt someone. It's not personal, so don't get defensive. Accept any individual or group's choice to reject language that offends them. If you accidentally use the wrong language or offend someone or a group, apologize for your mistake and use the term they have chosen for themselves.
- If you get too upset, it's okay to step back and say that you need to take a few minutes to think. Take a break. Pause before reacting.
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Educate instead of criticize when correcting someone. If you run into someone who is acting hurtful or being degrading about someone, take a deep breath and try to stay calm. You want to avoid fighting with someone, being superior, or criticizing them. Instead, talk to the person about the term. Open the lines of communication and engage in dialogue instead of humiliating them or telling them they are horrible.
- When in doubt, assume that they meant well.
- Bear in mind the possibility that the person in question may not match your expectations. Some people choose to "pass" as the status quo in order to avoid harassment, and others may not fit neatly into a stereotype or your assumptions of what an oppressed or privileged person would look like or how they would act.
- Criticize the actions, not the person. "Please stop making fun of Hispanic immigrants. As a person who has Hispanic friends, I feel that those jokes really hurtful and demeaning to them."
- Protect their ego while critiquing their actions. "I'm surprised to hear a considerate person like you say something so hurtful about people with Down syndrome."
- Try leading and ending with a compliment when you correct someone. Start with a compliment, like how you think the person made a good point or wrote a good article. Then, follow that with your correction or critique. Remember, do it in a nice way, not a rude way. Then finish it up with a compliment, like how you pointed it out because they seem like a thoughtful person.^{[21]
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Respect different opinions. If you want to talk about touchy subjects, such as religion or politics, make sure that you are open to other opinions. People form their opinions based on backgrounds and experiences. If you are going to share your opinion, be open to listening to others. You may learn information or a perspective that helps inform your own opinion. Everyone has something to teach you.
- Share the spotlight. Let other people be heard too.
- Pay close attention to opinions different from yours. This is your opportunity to learn something new.
Tip: In general, try to stay respectful of all opinions that don't disrespect or harm others. For example, "I believe the president will get reincarnated into a dung beetle" might sound odd to you, but it's just a different opinion. But if an opinion is based on disrespect, such as "black women are disgusting welfare queens," or is dangerous like "we should make disabled children drink bleach to cure them," then you don't need to respect that.
9
Focus on the people, first and foremost. Respectful language isn't about you and your reputation—it's about kindness towards others. Keep being respectful, accepting, and inclusive in your words and thoughts. It's hard to go wrong if you keep valuing other people.
- Remember that your words can have an impact.
- When in doubt, choose the kinder or more polite option.
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Focus on valuing diverse people. Your first reaction to someone who is different may be confusion or fear—so take a deep breath, remember that the other person matters, and let your second reaction be one of acceptance and respect. Work on viewing individual differences as important and meaningful.

Community Q&A

Question

What if a person is using their individuality as a means of getting out of any sort of trouble, such as calling you sexist if you get upset over her literally grabbing your penis?

Community Answer

Stay away from this person. Grabbing your private parts without permission is sexual assault, and people of any gender have the right to have their boundaries respected. Set clear boundaries (such as "I am not okay with you touching my pants") and reiterate them if needed. If you're getting accusations, say "I'm not okay with people of any gender touching my private parts without permission." Having boundaries is reasonable, and if this person continues violating them, talk to an authority figure about how to deal with this.
Question

What if I want to do the opposite of 90% of this?

Community Answer

Then you do not want to be politically correct.
Question

What if I don't care that you have 80 genders?

Community Answer

I've never met anyone with 80 genders. If I did, I'd shrug and ask "okay, so what would you like me to call you?" It's okay if you don't want to know the details of someone's gender, or particularly care. They may not feel that it's your business anyway. Just keep being respectful and practicing basic human decency.