How to Be Nicer to Your Mom

Co-authored by Rebecca Kason, PsyD and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: November 5, 2021 References

Even though you love your mom, it can be difficult to stay on good terms all the time. Whether you’re struggling to keep the peace or looking to extend an olive branch after an argument, there are several ways you can be nicer to your mom and possibly iron out some wrinkles in your relationship. First, try to keep an open dialogue with her whenever you feel unhappy or uneasy about anything. Next, keep things positive by developing kind habits around your home, like giving out compliments or words of gratitude. Finally, you can be nicer by showering your mom with small gifts, including your attention and time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Keeping an Open Dialogue

1
Speak honestly about any issues that you have. If you feel like any problems are making you harbor resentment towards your mom, make an effort to clear the air. Try and find a time when you’re both available to talk so you can have a conversation without any distractions. Be as straightforward as possible when addressing her, as she might be completely unaware of how you’re feeling.^{[1]
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- For example, say something like: “Mom, you really hurt my feelings when you made a comment about my grades the other day. I know that you just want me to do my best, but the way you spoke to me made me feel really down on myself.”
2
Don’t make harmful assumptions about your mother. While it can be easy to jump to negative conclusions without knowing the full story, avoid making any rash judgments about your mother’s thoughts or intentions. Instead, confront your mom directly and tactfully about whatever is on your mind. If the conversation gets heated, remind your mom that you just want to understand the scenario from her point of view.^{[2]
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- For instance, if your mom goes on a weekend trip without you, don’t assume that she’s leaving you behind intentionally. She might just want to spend some quality time catching up with her friends.
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3
Try to view situations from her perspective. Take a step back from any potential argument or conflict and envision the scenario from your mom’s point of view. When you put yourself in your mother’s shoes, you can view the situation empathetically without needing to say anything hurtful.^{[3]
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- For example, if your mom gets upset with you for breaking curfew, take a moment to think about her current thoughts and feelings before snapping back at her. Realistically, she was likely worried that something had happened to you when you didn’t come home on time.
4
Acknowledge that you both won’t agree on everything. Remind your mom that you both have different opinions and viewpoints, and will likely disagree on these issues indefinitely. Instead of turning these topics into perpetual arguments, take a moment to address your differences. When you make an effort to agree to disagree, you’re actually preserving civility and mutual respect in your relationship.^{[4]
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- For instance, if you and your mom have different political views, acknowledge immediately that you both might never find common political ground.
- To keep your conversations peaceful, specify a few topics that are off-limits to prevent your discussions from turning into fully-fledged arguments.
5
Pay attention to your mom whenever she speaks to you. Don’t ignore your mom when she’s trying to have a meaningful conversation. While it’s easier to tune her out sometimes, you’re actually telling your mom that her time and presence aren’t valuable to you. Instead, make an effort to set aside what you’re doing and make eye contact with your mother whenever she tries to start a conversation.^{[5]
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- For example, if you’re in the middle of a project and your mom wants to talk about her day, set the project aside for a few minutes and listen to your mom. A listening ear is always a great way to be nice and supportive to another person.
- If your mom didn't have the best day, you can offer your support and validate what she's going through.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Kason, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Developing Kind Habits

1
Compliment your mom on her best qualities. Take time out of your day to remind your mom about what makes her special. If you want, you can opt for physical compliments, like the way she styles her hair or dresses for work. If you’d prefer to say something more heartfelt, think about her personal qualities and temperament.^{[7]
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- For instance, if your mom is always polite and courteous on the phone, be sure to comment on it! Say something like: “You’re always so kind to the people around you. You brighten up everyone’s day just by being there!”
2
Thank your mom for everything she’s done for you. Whenever you get the chance, tell your mom how much you appreciate what she does for you. Express gratitude for whatever your mom does around your home to make your things run a little smoother, even if it’s just a simple, spontaneous “thank you.”^{[8]
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- For example, if you see your mom taking a moment to replace a faulty part in the bathroom, be sure to thank her! Say something like: “Thank you so much for replacing the flapper on the toilet. I really appreciate everything you do around the house.”
- If you see her spending a lot of time preparing a meal or raking the yard, make sure to comment on it!
3
Take some time to ask your mom about her day. When your mom gets home from work, ask her how her day went. Instead of talking about the day overall, inquire about the best and worst moments. If you want to delve a little deeper, feel free to ask her how today was when compared to the day before.^{[9]
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Tip: If you want to be a little more creative, try asking her some more random or off-topic questions. Ask about different life lessons she has to offer, or about her goals and dreams at her current stage in life.
4
Help your mom out with daily household chores. Don’t be a bystander while your mom does work around your home. Whether she stays at home or serves as the family breadwinner, offer a helping hand with different chores. If you’ve just finished a family dinner, go clear the table and wash the dishes instead of waiting for your mom to do it.^{[10]
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- Besides making your own household run more smoothly, you’ll be making your mom’s life a little less stressful, too!

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Giving Her Gifts

1
Bake your mom’s favorite dessert to show that you care. Take a moment out of your day to prepare your mom’s favorite dessert or pastry. Even if it’s not a special occasion, set aside some time to do something completely selfless. It may not be the healthiest option, but you show just how much you care about your mom in the process!^{[11]
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- If both you and your mom have busy schedules, consider picking up a dessert from a bakery or store.
2
Spend time doing a craft or service project together. Decide on a goal or project that you’d like to tackle with your mom. Whether you’re bettering your own life or the lives of others, you’re demonstrating kindness to your mom by spending so much time with her.^{[12]
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- See if she’d be interested in going on a volunteer missions or service trip with you.
- If your yard is really messy, try asking your mom if she’d like to rake outside with you.
Tip:If your mom is more into arts and crafts, spend time with her working on a large project, like a quilt. If your mom is more interested in physical fitness, consider going for a run with her.
3
Frame a picture of you and your mom and give it to her. Find a picture that highlights a really positive memory of you and your mom, whether it’s a family vacation pic or a spur-of the moment selfie. Place the picture in a custom frame and give it to your mom on a random day. You can also use the gift as a way to tell your mom how much you appreciate her!^{[13]
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- You can find custom picture frames at craft stores, or purchase them online.
4
Cook a meal for her as a nice surprise. Pick a random day when your mom is especially busy to prepare a nice meal for her. Think of what some of her favorite foods are and try to include them into menu. Even if your mom isn’t in charge of cooking around your home, you can still brighten up her day with this nice gesture!^{[14]
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- If you don’t have time to make food, try ordering take-out instead.