How to Be Confident As a Overweight Adult

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: July 24, 2021 References

In the United States, 70.7% of adults over the age of 20 are considered overweight.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services
Go to source} However, as an overweight adult, you might sometimes feel lonely or insecure about your appearance. Luckily, you can build confidence in yourself and work on having a healthier and happier relationship with your body, which can lead to a more fulfilling life. By focusing on body positivity, tackling negative thoughts and low self-esteem, and finding inspirational figures, you can learn to be more confident in yourself.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Building Confidence in Your Body

1
Remind yourself of the great things your body can do. It can become easy to focus on what you can’t do. Instead of dwelling on these, come up with a few amazing things that you can do, like singing, playing an instrument, or painting.^{[2]
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National Eating Disorders Association
Nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting individuals and communities affected by eating disorders
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- Some people also find it helpful to think of even the normal things that their body can do. For example, you can say “My body is strong enough to carry me throughout the day.”
2
Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and happy with your body. When you’re picking your clothes, try not to worry about what other people might think or say about your outfit. Find clothes that express your personality and celebrate your body.^{[3]
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National Eating Disorders Association
Nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting individuals and communities affected by eating disorders
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- For instance, if you like a certain TV show, look on websites like Etsy or RedBubble to see if you can find a shirt in your size that has a character or phrase from the show on it.
- Pick your favorite features and buy clothes that show them off. For example, if you’re taller and have long legs, wear high-waisted pants and heels to elongate your legs.
- If you’re not sure what to wear to flatter your body, try following some “guidelines” for how to dress in flattering clothes for your shape. Visit a store that caters to plus-size bodies, and ask for recommendations. No matter what size you are, you can dress well and look put-together.
- Don't worry about the size listed on your clothing label. These numbers are arbitrary and don't define you! You are a unique individual who is more than just a number on the label.
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3
Pamper your body with a trip to the spa or a day of relaxation. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your body is take care of it! Make an appointment for a facial or massage at your local spa, or take a relaxing bath at home. Take that time to feel good about your body and take care of your skin, muscles, and hair.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
National Eating Disorders Association
Nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting individuals and communities affected by eating disorders
Go to source}
- You can also throw your own mini spa day at home by taking a bath, giving yourself a manicure and pedicure, exfoliating and moisturizing your skin, and doing an at-home facemask.
4
Be critical of ads that tell you how you’re supposed to look. Unfortunately, there are plenty of companies who make money off of people’s insecurities. When you see advertisements for clothes or weight loss products, think about whether or not the company wants you to feel bad about yourself and buy their product to feel better. If a company is telling you that you need their product to make you beautiful or acceptable, they’re probably trying to play on your insecurities.^{[5]
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- For instance, if an ad starts with something like “Want to get rid of those unsightly fat rolls on your stomach and back?” the goal of the ad is to make you self-conscious about something that most people experience, regardless of their weight. The ad suggests the idea that fat rolls are unsightly and bad. When you feel bad about how you look, you’re more likely to be interested in what they’re selling.
- Advertising is meant to make you feel a certain way to get you to react to the product or brand. In most cases, the companies want you to buy a product. If you understand what they’re doing in their ads, it’s easier to resist the urge to feel bad about your body.
- Instead of looking at magazines that try to make you feel bad, pick up a magazine that uses normal sized models! More brands are starting to use normal people as models rather than unrealistic, photo-shopped images.
5
Pay attention to signals about what your body needs. Trusting your body is a huge step to being confident in yourself. Notice when you’re feeling hungry, thirsty, energized, or sleepy, and try to take care of what your body needs at that moment. Try to live your life based on what your body is telling you it needs, rather than what outside input, like advertisements or other people, are telling you.^{[6]
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- Living your life this way can also lead to a healthier lifestyle overall. It may take some practice, but it’s entirely possible with some dedication.
- Remember that discussions about your health and weight should occur between you and your doctor. If your doctor believes that your weight might be affecting your health, work with them to come up with a plan for leading a healthier lifestyle.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Combating Low Self-Esteem

1
Work toward goals you've set for yourself. Pursue your dreams! Make a list of things you want to accomplish, then break them down into small, measurable steps. Check in with yourself regularly to see how well you're making progress! If you're working toward something important to you, you'll have less time to worry about your weight.
- It's a good idea to set some goals that are health related, such as increasing your activity level or eating more vegetables. However, make sure you're also working toward your life goals, like earning a degree, getting a job you want, expanding your creative life, doing an open mic night, or starting your own herb garden.
2
Remind yourself that you have the right to feel good about yourself. When you’re dealing with a lack of confidence, it can help to give yourself permission to feel good. Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying “I have the right to feel good about myself and my body.” You can also come up with some other mantra that helps you feel good and remind you of your worth.^{[7]
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- If you have trouble with negative thoughts about your body, you can try redirecting these thoughts into positive thoughts by saying something like “It’s okay to feel bad sometimes, but I know that I’m a beautiful person inside and out.”
- Even if you don’t believe what you’re saying in the moment, just saying the phrase can help you feel better.
3
Consider seeing a therapist to discuss any negative thoughts or habits. If you frequently find yourself feeling unhappy or even depressed because of your weight, make an appointment with a therapist. Talk to them about your relationship with your body and why you feel down on yourself. Often, a therapist will be able to help you make a plan for changing your behavior for the better.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
National Eating Disorders Association
Nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting individuals and communities affected by eating disorders
Go to source}
- Your therapist can also help you overcome cognitive distortion, which is a common issue. You may have a tendency to distort what's happening in your life to make it seem worse than it is, such as by having all or nothing thinking, only seeing the negative in a situation, jumping to conclusions, trying to read other people's minds, or assuming other people's behaviors are because of you. Your therapist can help you identify when this is happening so you can learn how to stop.^{[9]
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- Remember, the therapist is there to help you, not punish or shame you for feeling bad.
- If you aren’t able to afford therapy, consider visiting a counseling clinic at a nearby university with a mental health counseling program. Sometimes, they offer free or heavily discounted sessions to help graduate students gain patient experience.
4
Surround yourself with people who are confident and supportive. Make friends with people who are outgoing, kind, friendly, and positive. Try looking for “body positive” groups in your area to meet other people who might have struggled with low self-esteem or a negative self-image. Don’t be afraid to cut ties with people who make you feel bad about your appearance or weight.^{[10]
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- Speak up when your friends say body-negative things about themselves and others. If someone says something negative about their body, say something like, “You’re a beautiful person inside and out! Let’s focus on what we like about ourselves, not what we don’t like.”
5
Compliment yourself and others on traits that aren’t related to appearance. Sometimes, low self-esteem can come from placing too much value on how you look. Shift your frame of reference by praising other people and yourself for qualities and skills that aren’t related to looks. This can help you realize your own worth and encourage others to be more confident.^{[11]
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- For example, if you have an important meeting at work, you can approach one of your coworkers after the meeting and say, “I really admire how great you are at public speaking! You made the information so easy to understand. Thank you so much!”
- If you have children, you can model this behavior by praising them for qualities rather than looks. For instance, instead of saying “You look so handsome!” or “You’re so pretty!” you can say “You’re so kind to your friends!” or “You’re so intelligent!”
6
Challenge yourself to learn a new skill or do a daunting task. Accomplishing something new can be a huge confidence booster, and you might be surprised at what you can do. Enroll in a class at a community college, or do something around your house that you’ve never done before.^{[12]
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- For instance, if your car has an oil change coming up, you can challenge yourself to do it by yourself. Check out tutorials online and read your owner’s manual, and then use the information that you’ve learned to do the oil change.
- If you’ve always wanted to learn a new language, take an introductory class that meets weekly and practice your skills at home. You might be impressed by how much you can learn in just a few months!
7
Participate in activities that you enjoy. One of the best ways to feel good about yourself is by doing things that you’re good at. Show off your skills by signing up for a team sport, or joining a local club for enthusiasts. This will help you meet people with similar interests and show you that you’re worth more than your appearance.^{[13]
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- For example, if you like bowling, you can sign up for a local bowling league to make new friends and practice your game.
- If you like books and reading, find a book club that meets near you and read the book for the next meeting.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Identifying Inspirational and Positive Overweight People

1
Look for positive representations of overweight people in TV shows and movies. With the body positive movement gaining strength, plus size people have had more representation. Think about characters like Mindy Lahiri on The Mindy Project, Becky on Empire, Titus Burgess on The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and Toby on This Is Us, who aren’t used as jokes for the TV show.^{[14]
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- Keep in mind that even if a show or movie has a plus size person on the cast, it might portray them negatively. Try to watch shows and movies that focus on positive, real-life depictions of overweight people.
- The actors and actresses who play these characters can also be good examples of how to be confident when you’re an overweight adult.
2
Support stores that use diverse models in their advertisements. Shopping as a plus size person can be incredibly frustrating. Look for stores and brands that showcase a variety of shapes and sizes in their advertisements to get a good idea of which stores will have clothes that flatter your body type. Keep in mind that some stores might have a separate section for extended sizes that showcase the clothes on plus size models.^{[15]
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- For example, Target has a variety of plus size collections for men and women, and these sections in the store have pictures of plus size models wearing the clothes. They can also have plus size mannequins that give an example of how the clothes might look in real life.
- Online “fast fashion” retailers, like ASOS, Forever21, and H&M, also use plus size models for their extended sizes and offer a variety of fashionable, inexpensive clothing options for overweight people.
- The popularity of plus size models, such as Tess Holliday and Zach Miko, have encouraged major brands to move into the plus-size clothing industry.
3
Identify overweight athletes who exercise to stay healthy. Search for news stories about athletes like Mirna Valerio, who is a runner, and Jessamyn Stanley, a yoga instructor, both of whom are plus size women who are active because it helps them build strength and maintain their health. Use their stories as inspiration for creating your own workout routine that focuses on improving your skills and health, rather than losing weight.^{[16]
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- Often, people assume that an overweight person would only exercise to lose weight. These athletes work hard to challenge these ideas.
- Some overweight athletes offer free training videos for overweight people who are just getting started with becoming more active.