How to Be Chill

Co-authored by Philip Glickman, PsyD

Last Updated: October 23, 2021 Approved

Do you want to be that chill person in your friend group that never sweats the small stuff and just enjoys their life? It can seem hard but it's really not! Read the directions below to get some great ideas for chilling out and making the most out of your life.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Being Chill Socially

1
Avoid drama. Do your own thing, and let others do theirs. If they're not hurting anyone, what's the problem? Chill people don't look for reasons or opportunities to hate on others just for being different. There's no reason to bully or tread on other people's territory. Try to be happy with yourself and encourage self-love in others, too and remember be yourself.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
2
Maintain a mellow attitude. Unless someone is rude to you, your day should go by smoothly by being polite, considerate, and nice. Chill people don't antagonize for the sake of it or stir up a bunch of negative emotions by being jerks; chill people are generally kind and get along well with others. However, try to avoid going overboard so you don't become a people-pleaser or pushover.

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3
Don't sweat the small stuff. Take your life in stride. Roll with the punches and be accepting of the little things life throws your way, reserving your passion for what matters to you most. This is pretty much the defining feature of a chill person.
4
Be fun to hang out with. Don't be someone who is really boring and afraid to try new things. Go out and do stuff you consider fun and be someone that other people want to spend time with. Talk with people, go see movies, play games, go on hikes or go camping: it's all good!
5
Make and follow your own trends. Be unique. A chill person doesn't feel the need to follow all the trends set by others, they just do what they want and what makes them happy. This laid back attitude inspires others to be more laid back and people will want to be around you more often.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Being Chill in the Moment

1
Pick your battles. Some things in life are bound to upset or anger you, and while it's okay to have those feelings, it's best not to nosedive into every argument that presents itself. Stop, take a deep breath, and decide whether an unpleasant situation is worth getting into. Catch yourself before you get stuck in a pointless argument or a big scene. From here, you can redirect the situation to be in your favor.
2
Redirect your thoughts. Distract yourself from your immediate feelings by redirecting your thoughts. There are lots of ways you can do this. You can count your breaths. You can even sing a song (inside your head is probably better than out loud). ^{[2]
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Research source}
3
Chew some gum. Studies have shown that we can reduce a significant amount of stress by chewing gum. Pop a stick of that winter fresh if you’re just not feeling calm in the moment. ^{[3]
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Research source}
4
Evaluate how much this matters. Think about how much your problem matters in the grand scheme of things. Will it still affect you a year from now? Does it even help to be so hard on yourself? If you made it out alive, chances are you’ll find a way to get through it and move on to more happiness and hardships.
5
Do what your grandma would do. By the time we’re much older, we usually don’t get so worried when things don’t go our way, because we get used to it. Think of how your grandma would react in a situation and do that. She’d probably say something funny and then move on to the next thing, which is really the best thing to do if you want to stay sane.
6
Go somewhere else. If you just can’t handle the situation, take yourself out of it. No reason to stick around if you’re going to lose your cool and make some mistakes.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.} Remove yourself from the room for a few minutes and then try again once you’ve managed to work through the initial anger or fear (or whatever you’re feeling).

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Getting a Chill Attitude

1
Stay away from toxic people and situations. Avoiding such things is the best way to be chill in life. Just say no to all the bullies, liars, and trash-talkers. You don’t need that in your life! Cut toxic people out of your life and don’t go around causing trouble yourself.
2
Get proactive. There's a difference between being chill and being passive. Instead of sitting around thinking your problems could be worse, always try to make things better for yourself. It'll be a lot easier to be genuinely laid-back when you're satisfied with your life as opposed to settling for less.
3
Be confident. When you have lots of self confidence and comfort with who you are, you will have a much easier time being chill. You will know that it’s okay if you make a mistake, that it doesn’t make you worthless or something like that. You will know you can handle whatever crazy life manages to throw at you.
4
Find enjoyment in life. Do things in life that make you happy. Don’t do things that stress you out just to accommodate others and not yourself. Doing things that make you happy will make you more calm and relaxed, helping you deal with all your problems in a better way.
5
Ignore ignorant opinions. Not caring what others think will make many situations in your life less stressful, like arguments and rumors.
6
Keep a sense of humor. You’ve got to laugh about stuff in life, especially the stuff that doesn’t go your way, or you’re going to spend life grumpy and stressed out. When someone is a jerk to you, relieve your anger through humor. Just laugh at them because they are clearly very boring and miserable.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Calming Down

1
Don’t procrastinate. Always be quick about getting things done instead of procrastinating and leaving them until the last minute. This will give you fewer things to stress about and let you take a laid-back approach to life.
2
Listen to music. Listen to some music that will calm you down. Different music works for different people, of course, but generally soothing music will make you more chill then some hard-core rock. Look for music with low, calming sounds. You will know that music is calming when you notice that your pulse is lower. ^{[5]
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Research source}
3
Play with little kids or animals. When you notice that you’re getting too tense and worked up, try chilling out by playing with some cute little kids or animals. Kids especially have such a happy view of the world and themselves, and their outlook can often change how you view your own life. If you don’t have little kids in your life, think about volunteering with Big Brothers, Big Sisters (or a similar organization).
4
Exercise. Physically getting up and moving, and proper exercise especially, can have a really big impact on how you feel emotionally. If you feel like you’re having problems being chill, go out for a run and see how you feel when you get back. You might be surprised!
5
Watch a funny movie. A funny movie is a great way to relax and get into a chill mindset. You can watch cartoon movies that you loved as a kid or you can watch some more grown-up movies that make you laugh instead. Movies like Dodgeball are usually good for a laugh, Bridesmaids is a great movie, and Office Space will be sure to have you laughing at your own life in no time.
6
Play a game. Another great way to chill is to play a game. You can play video games, board games, card games, or whatever you like. You can play alone or with other people. Games are a great way to exercise your brain and get your mind off of the problems and stresses in your life. It can also be a great way to bond with people that you love, which can really make your life more chill.

Expert Q&A

Question

What to do when you can't relax?

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, treatment of anxiety, and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a member of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from The University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from The City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

Philip Glickman, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try meditating daily or every couple of days to decrease that that level of stress and arousal. Then, look for healthy ways to cope, whether it's exercise or some other healthy habit.
Question

Why am I stressing for no reason?

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, treatment of anxiety, and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a member of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from The University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from The City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

Philip Glickman, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Well, there is probably a reason behind your stress. You should take a look inward to examine your habits and to try and find what is stressing you out. Is it a relationship? Try to decrease or eliminate some of the things that make you stressed and increase the ones that usually give you joy and relaxation.
Question

How do you become easy going?

Philip Glickman, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, treatment of anxiety, and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a member of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from The University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from The City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.

Philip Glickman, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try to replace your vicious cycles for virtuous ones. For example, if you're usually reading the news or tweets about catastrophes all day, you're obviously going to feel more stressed and activated. On the other hand, you're reading something you enjoy or going for walks in the nature, you're probably end up more relaxed. Identify your cycles and try to find balance.

Warnings

Don't overdo it. Being 'Too Chill' can affect your friends, your family, and even how you do in school or at your job.

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