How to Avoid Flirting

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: August 26, 2021 References Approved

There are many reasons why you might want to avoid flirting with someone. They might be a friend who you don’t see in a romantic way, a coworker who often tries to flirt with you, or a random person you just met. Whatever the situation, there are several ways that you can send the message that you’re not interested in flirting. Focus on being friendly rather than flirtatious if the person is a friend. You can also tell them directly that you’re not interested. Body language and other tactics can also help you to escape the flirtation if needed.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being Friendly without Flirting

1
Mention your significant other if you’re in a relationship. This is a quick way to send the message to someone that you don’t want to flirt with them. Drop something about your significant other into the conversation. This might be enough to change the tone of the conversation or cause the person to leave if they are not interested in talking to you without flirting.^{[1]
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- For example, you could say something like, “My girlfriend has a cold, so she decided to stay home tonight, but I’ve been keeping her updated on my adventures all night.”
- Or you could say, “Have you ever met my fiancé? He’s so nice. I think you guys would have a lot in common, too.”
2
Keep your compliments friendly and avoid suggesting attraction. It’s fine to compliment a friend or acquaintance on their new haircut or outfit, but make sure to do so in a way that is friendly rather than flirtatious. Say kind things that will make them feel good, but avoid making any comments that could indicate that you’re attracted to them.^{[2]
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- For example, instead of saying, “Wow, that shirt is so sexy on you!” say something like, “I like your shirt. That’s a really pretty shade of blue.”
- However, if you find that people often take your compliments the wrong way, you may want to avoid them entirely.
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3
Avoid touching them in an intimate way. Shaking hands, a pat on the back, or a platonic hug are all fine now and then. However, avoid any physical gestures that could be misconstrued as flirtation. Things like touching their arm when they make you laugh, leaning your head on their shoulder while sitting next to them, or touching their face or hair while you’re talking could be interpreted as flirtatious.^{[3]
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Tip: Try to keep an arm’s length of distance between you at all times. Getting too close to someone can also be interpreted as flirtatious.
4
Become more aware of your body position and gestures. You may find that you unconsciously make flirtatious gestures, such as twirling your hair around your fingers or stroking your chin. Focus on doing something else with your hands during conversations so you will not seem like you're flirting.^{[4]
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- For example, you could keep your hands in your pockets, cross your arms over your chest, or hold something in your hands, such as your bag or a cup of coffee, to avoid making flirtatious gestures.
5
Point out someone in the room who you think is cute. If you’re not dating anyone, an easy way to change the tone of the conversation is to check out other people with them. Identify someone in the room who you are attracted to and ask the person what they think of them. This may be enough to get them out of flirtation mode.^{[5]
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- For example, you could say something like, “Ooh, check out that guy sitting by himself in the corner. I think he’s kind of hot. What do you think?”
- Or, if there’s no one else around, you could ask the person for advice about someone you’re interested in. For example, you might say, “Hey, I really dig this girl I keep bumping into on my way to work. How could I casually start a conversation with her without seeming like a stalker?”
6
Suggest a friend who you want to introduce them to for a date. If you think the person might be a good fit for someone else you know, then you might suggest a set-up to the person to let them know you’re not interested. Try mentioning someone you know with whom you think they might have a lot in common.^{[6]
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- For example, you could say something like, “My friend Charlie is a horror movie lover as well. I should introduce you two sometime.”
- Or, you could say, “I don’t know the first thing about sports, but a coworker of mine is always talking about the local sports teams. I bet you guys would hit it off.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Telling Someone You’re Not Interested

1
Say that you have enjoyed talking but that you have to leave. There’s nothing wrong with excusing yourself to send the message that you’re not interested in flirting. You can also excuse yourself if you are feeling uncomfortable and you want to get away from them. Let them know that you enjoyed the conversation, but that you really need to go.^{[7]
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- For example, if you’re out at a bar, try saying something like, “It’s been nice talking to you, but my friends are waiting for me, so I really have to go.”
- Or, you could say, “This has been fun! I have to head out, but enjoy the rest of your night!”
2
Let them know that you’re not interested if they persist. If the person keeps trying to flirt with you, you might need to be direct with them to get them to stop. You can tell them in a nice way to avoid hurting their feelings, or be blunt if they’re being pushy or disrespectful. This is also important to do if the person is a friend of yours who is interested in you or if you went on a date with them.^{[8]
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- For example, if you want to be nice about it, try saying, “You’re such an interesting person and I like spending time with you, but I’m not interested in dating. I just want to be clear about that.”
- Or, you could say, “I’m not interested, so please stop saying those kinds of things.”
3
Use “I” language to express discomfort with ongoing flirtation. If someone flirts with you on a regular basis and it’s making you feel uncomfortable, it’s important to let them know that. The person might be a coworker, classmate, friend, or someone else. Be direct about how you’re feeling and begin your statement with “I” to reduce the chances that they will become defensive. This will help to send the message that you’re not interested and you want them to stop.^{[9]
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- For example, you could say something like, “I feel uncomfortable when you compliment my body. Please stop saying those things.”
Warning: If you’re being sexually harassed by someone in your workplace, tell your boss or the human resources manager. This is serious and it’s important to let someone know if a coworker’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable.
4
Avoid giving your number to someone you don’t want to talk to again. If someone continues to pester you and they ask for your number, do not give it to them! It’s also not a good idea to give them a fake number as this can give them false hope of connecting with you later on. Instead, try to avoid being alone with the person as most people won’t ask for your number in front of other people. However, if this doesn’t work out and they do ask for your number, just say “no.”^{[10]
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- If they persist, you could also say something like, “Sorry, but I don’t think my boyfriend would like that very much.” Even if you’re not dating anyone, it’s okay to pretend to have a boyfriend or girlfriend if someone keeps pestering you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Using Body Language and Escape Tactics

1
Look away and don’t smile if someone is trying to lock eyes. Someone who is interested will usually try to lock eyes with you for a few seconds and see if you smile back at them. If you notice someone looking at you, try not to look in their direction. If you do accidentally lock eyes for a few seconds, look away and be mindful not to smile. This should send the message that you’re trying to avoid starting a conversation with them.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}^{[12]
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- To send a stronger message, try scowling. Furrow your brow and frown slightly so that you look less approachable.
2
Do something gross to turn them off. Burp, fart, or cough loudly, rub your nose on your sleeve, or do something else that might gross them out. This might be enough to turn them off and get them to stop flirting with you. Just make sure not to go overboard if there’s someone in the vicinity that you do want to flirt with.^{[13]
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- Keep in mind that it is possible that the person will find your crude behavior sexy.
3
Ask a friend to pretend to be your significant other. If you want to avoid flirting with anyone during a night out, you could ask a friend to pretend to be your girlfriend or boyfriend. This way, if anyone starts flirting with you, your friend can swoop in and put an arm around you, hold your hand, or give you a peck on the cheek. This should send the message that you’re unavailable and give you an easy escape route.^{[14]
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- You can say, “This is my boyfriend. We’re going to head out now, but it was so nice talking to you!”
Tip: If you’re out with friends, you could come up with a gesture that you can use to let them know when you are in need of assistance, such as tugging on your earlobe or turning your purse around. This way, your friend can come over and join the conversation or say they need your help and ask you to leave with them.
4
Walk away if you’re uncomfortable. You don’t have to continue talking to someone who is making you feel uncomfortable with their flirtatious comments. If you’ve tried other ways of getting them to stop flirting with you, it’s perfectly fine to walk away. Find a group of friends to talk to or just leave.^{[15]
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- If the person has persisted in flirting with you, make sure they don’t follow you if you leave on your own. If you’re uncomfortable, find someone to help you or call someone to come to your location and escort you back home.

Community Q&A

Question

How do I avoid someone at my school who is known for flirting with people?

Community Answer

Make sure you're never alone with them, such as by traveling with friends between classes and sitting with friends at lunch. If they approach you, avoid smiling or giving any indication that you might flirt back.