How to Ask a Girl out if You're a Shy Boy (Pre Tweens)

Last Updated: December 27, 2022 References

Life for a pre-tween can be confusing because you might be experiencing new things for the first time and it can be even more challenging if you're shy.^{[1]
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Research source} One example of this is asking a girl out. You can feel overwhelmed, scared, and unsure of what to do. Luckily, there are ways you can approach her and get to know her, that will help you get over your shyness and ask her out.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Approaching Her

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Make eye contact and smile. Making eye contact with the girl is a form of talking to her without actually speaking. If you can get her attention and look her in the eye, it'll let her know and realise that you notice her, may even think that you are interested in her.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Michigan State University Extension
Extension program of Michigan State University focused on community outreach, education, and engagement
Go to source} Follow it up with a smile so that she knows that you like her. Pay attention to how she reacts to you making eye contact and smiling. If she smiles back, it's a good sign that she might be interested in you too.
- When you smile, it makes you feel good and can be contagious.^{[3]
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- Don't stare at her and creep her out. If she makes eye contact with you, hold it for two or three seconds before looking away.^{[4]
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- Smile as you pass her in the halls or during recess or lunch.
2
Say "hi" to her. Once she notices you and you've made eye contact and smiled at one another a couple of times, you should go out of your way to say hi to her when you see her. Saying hello will make you feel more comfortable talking to her before you have a real conversation.
- Don't stay in this phase for too long without introducing yourself or she may just think you're a friendly guy.
- Even if she seems confused the first time, keep saying hi in a friendly way, and she will become used to it.
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3
Talk to her. After you feel good saying hello, you can start talking to her. She will probably already know your name if you're in the same class, so it should make talking to her easier. Figure out what you share in common, like a musician or a TV show.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Find the right time to talk, such as during lunch, recess, or when class is over.
- You can say something like, "Hey Sandy, my name's Garrett. We are in the same class. How's your day going so far?" or "Hey Joceline, my name's Tony. I noticed you have the new Drake album. Is it good?"
- If you get assigned to the same group to do a project, talk to her when you aren't working on the assignment.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Getting to Know Her

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Ask what social media she's on. If you want to get to know the girl outside of school, a good way to talk to them is through social media. Add her on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr. When you have her username, you can direct message her.
- You can ask by saying, "Have you tried the new Snapchat filter? Do you have an account? What's your username?"
- Ask her how her day is going before asking her about her username.
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Get her phone number.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} You can text each other if you both have a cell phone. If one of you doesn't have a cellphone, you can talk over a land-line. When you ask for her number, don't make it a big deal about it. Ask as if you were asking her any other question.
- Ask her for her phone number by saying, "Hey, I'd like to talk to you outside of school. Can I have your phone number?"
- Ask her what the best time to call would be.
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Pay attention to her interests. Once you start talking to her regularly, be sure to listen more than you talk. Ask her questions if the conversation stalls and see what she has to say about herself. If you haven't heard of something she talks about, then do research online to learn about it.
- You can ask her questions like "What kind of movies do you like," "What kind of music do you like," or "Are you into sports?"
4
Make her laugh and don't be mean to her. If you're a funny guy, then try to make her laugh whenever you can. Boys who can make girls laugh are viewed as friendly, fun and popular.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Nature
Respected Multidisciplinary Scientific Journal
Go to source} If you aren't funny, that's okay too. If this is the case, be nice during the conversation and stay away from picking on her or making fun of her.
- The happier she is while talking to you, the more she'll want to date you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Asking Her Out

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Ask her how she feels about boys. Before you ask her out, see what her feelings on boys are. While some girls are ready to date at this age, others may just want friends.^{[8]
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Research source} You should also ask her about her parent's views on dating. If they forbid it, it could make it harder for you to get a date with her.
- You can start the conversation by saying something like, "I heard Marty and Sarah were dating now. What do you think about that?"
- Ask her about her parents by asking something like, "My parents said it would be okay if I went to the movies with a girl. What do your parents think about that sort of stuff?"
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Think of things you can do together. If you've talked to her, then you'll have a good idea what her interests might be. Think about what she likes and try to form a date around that. For instance, if she likes the outdoors, think of doing something at a park. If she likes movies, think of a movie that she would be excited about and ask your parents to get you tickets.
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Get your parents permission. Before you ask the girl out on a date, you need to make sure that you're allowed to go out on dates. Talk to your parents and be open and honest. Tell them about the girl, and why you want to see her more often. Calling it a relationship may scare your parents, so just tell them that you want to "hang out" with the girl.
- You can say something like, "There's a girl in class that I like and I want to see if she wants to go to the movies. Would it be okay if we went together?"
4
Ask her out via social media, phone, or in person. Asking a girl out via social media is most likely the least stressful way to ask her out, but it also is not as effective. She may not see the message for a while, or what you have to say may get confused via text. A better way to ask the girl out is by calling her on the phone or talking to her in person. Simply ask her if she'd like to go with you and do something together.
- Ask her out by saying something like, "Hey I was wondering if you'd like to go the movies with me. I'm seeing the Avengers 5."

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Getting Over Your Shyness

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Try new things. Joining a new sport, hobby, or club can help you come out of your shell and get used to talking to people.^{[9]
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Research source} Figure out something you'd be interested in and ask you parents if you can start doing it. Being in an atmosphere that forces you to talk to people will open you up and help you become less shy.
- Join your school's football, soccer, wrestling, basketball, cheerleading, or chess team. Pick whatever interests you the most.
- If you're not sure what programs your school has, ask a teacher or someone who works in the office.
- There are also out-of-school programs like art classes, martial arts classes, dance classes, or religious study.
- Ask your parents for help with signing you up for classes or giving you a ride to practice.
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Talk to people more often. One reason that might make you shy and unable to talk to girls is that you're scared they won't like you back.^{[10]
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Research source} You can reduce this by introducing yourself to more people. The more you get used to talking to people, seeing what they like, and realizing that people enjoy your company, the less you'll feel anxious meeting new ones.
- If someone doesn't like you it doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that there's something wrong with you. It just means that their personality does not mesh well with yours.
- In life, you have to realize that everyone won't necessarily like you, just as you don't like everyone you meet.
3
Believe in yourself.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} It's easy to automatically think that the girl you're going to ask out is going to say no, but it's not helpful to think this way. Instead of assuming that she will say no, believe in yourself. Think about your positive traits and be proud of the things that make you a unique person.
- Instead of telling yourself "I can't ask her out, I'm too scared" say "I can't ask her out right now, but I'm working on my confidence."^{[12]
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4
Take risks and just do it. The more you wait and think about introducing yourself or asking the girl out, the more you'll over-think the situation, and it could become awkward. Instead of coming up with a complex plan, just go for it. The best way to overcome your shyness and fears is to expose yourself to the situation.
- You may feel sad and rejected the first time around, but it will lessen with each time you ask new girls out.
- The more you try, the more experience you'll get which will help you understand the best ways to ask out girls.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I ask my crush out if I'm really shy?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Start thinking positive and believe in yourself to help boost your confidence. When you find a time to approach them, start off with some casual conversation so you don't come on too strong.